He Loves Her/He Loves Her Not

Is that your man?  I saw him with my sister.   What was I supposed to say?  I could not believe this was happening.  My baby sister who is so in love, I had no idea he was married and neither did she.  She had been through so much after losing her child in a freak accident.  This incident almost drove her insane.  It had been 2 years to date since we lost Andy but it still seems like it was only yesterday.  I can still see him playing in the yard.  It was his fifth birthday and we were preparing a party.  It was a beautiful day.  The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky.  I remember Sue, my sister, asking me to help hang the balloons, I said ok sure, my big ass is good for something, just hold the ladder steady, don’t let me fall.  Andy was in his play pin playing with his favorite toy (a clown in a music box).  I must have turned my head for 1 second when it happened, a lady came whaling into the yard at 80 miles an hour, tearing down fences driving straight into my sister’s house.  Sue screamed, where’s Andy, oh my god, my baby.  There he was, it was the most horrific site I had ever seen.

Blood was everywhere, and his little head was smashed almost flat.  He died instantly, and the driver, she walked away with only a bump on her head.  The good news is, she will spend the rest of her life in prison and she’ll never be able to hurt anyone else.  But, my sister has suffered so.  I listened to her cry every night for 6 months straight.  Yes, two years have passed but it’s been a long road and I finally started to see her smile.  Jack, Jack, this new guy Jack, who is this guy that she can’t wait for us to meet.  I didn’t realize I had already met Jack only a week earlier at a wedding reception and he was with a colleague of mine where he introduced her as his wife.  Could it be the same guy?  I had to be sure.  All I know is that I don’t think Sue could handle any more pain, not now.  How would I handle this, why did this have to happen now.  I have to step in and do something.  What type of guy was this Jack?  How could you live such a lie?   The phone rang, it was Sue.  Hi sis, how are you?  Great! I replied, so what’s up?  Just checking to make sure you’ll be at the party on Saturday.  I’m looking forward to your meeting Jack.  Ok, I replied but I need to talk to you about something that’s really important, ok, Sue replied but can it wait?  Well, yes I guess so but, Sue how well do you know Jack and how long have you known him.  What is this, she replied, 21 questions.  No, I was just wondering.  Anyway, I’ll see you on Saturday ok, Ok. By By….I can’t break her heart.  It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.  If I don’t tell her, how can I live with myself?  If I do tell her, she might totally freak out and go over the edge.  I don’t want to lose my sister again.  What would you do?  I could really use some help here.  Should I tell her or should I let it go?  Either way, she’s going to get hurt.  I don’t know what to do.  Please send me your comments.  I need a friend about now.  So until the next time, keep Bloggin….

Scott Link!

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My Wants/Your Needs

What does your mate want from you? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that one simple question, what does my mate want from me? Are we really right for each other or is there a hidden agenda that I’m not aware of. Have you ever wondered how does a relationship last for over 30 years? What is the key to an everlasting relationship? I myself wanted to know the answers to these questions so l decided to do some research. I met a lady on the bus, her name was Marian. I could tell she was somewhat stressed and seemed to be in hurry. I managed to get her to warm up to me and she started to talk. She told me she was 63 years old and had 7 children who were all grown and long gone. Now, it was her and her husband. She called him, Henry. I said to her, so Marian since you have no kids at home and you and your husband are finally alone, what Is your exciting highlite of the day. You must go out a lot since it’s just the two of you right? She looked at me with saddened eyes and said no. I have to get home and prepare dinner before he gets home because if I don’t have it ready, he’ll be angry and he won’t speak to me for a week or maybe longer. I said, a week. You mean to tell me that if you don’t have your husband’s dinner on the table when he walks in the door, he’ll punish you by not speaking to you for a whole week. I couldn’t believe it. I was dumbfounded. The nerve of him. She replied by saying, its ok, I must deserve it. He works hard and he’s a good provider so the least I can do is have his dinner on the table when he gets home. I asked Marian, do you drive? Oh my josh no, Henry doesn’t feel it’s important for me to drive. I take the bus everywhere I go. It cuts down on the expense of owning two cars. I thought to myself, why does this story sound so unreal, so I decided to dig a little deeper. So Marian, I asked, what time is dinner. It’s usually at 7:00 pm, she replied. Unless Henry has to work overtime, when in that case, he may not make it home at all. Then I’ll see him the following day. Oh, I see. I guess he calls to let you know when he’s not coming home. No, she replied. We don’t have a phone. Henry feels that it’s evil to have a telephone. If there’s a way for Satan to destroy your relationship, the telephone is at the top of the list. But suppose there’s an emergency, how would you call someone. My neighbor Lucara has a phone and she says I’m always welcome to use it. Wow! You guys really have a magnificent relationship don’t you. Marian replied, yes, we do. Henry and I’ve been married for over 47 years. I’ve never cheated on him and I’ve never even had the desire to. He’s good to me. So, I have to ask myself, it that all it takes. She spoke so highly of a man that she’s been married to for over 47 years that sounds like to me, he’s very controlling, probably has a mistress on the side and thinks of her as more of a pet than a wife. But who am I to judge. Nobody wants to be alone, but how much do we have to sacrifice to have a so called relationship.
So tell me friends, what’s your opinion on this? Would you give up yourself to have a mate? Are you so afraid of being alone that you’ll settle for anything? If you’re that lonely, how about some volunteer work, this would keep you busy. Tell us what you think.
Keep Bloggin
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Love Is All We Need

The Convention:  Love should be spontaneous, not scripted.  The Counter:  “If you negotiate difficult issues up front, your relationship will have a much stronger footing, “says Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D. a Manhattan-based marriage therapistSee:  cohabitation agreements increasing 39 percent in the past five years,   per the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, and couples creating DIY versions, using sites like 4relationshipcontract.com. Even the prince and princess of Silicon Valley, Mark Zuckerberg and his then girlfriend (now wife) Priscilla Chan, reportedly made one.

The Realistic Approach:

When the two of you get serious, discuss how you each want the relationship to work, says Hokemeyer. “Tell him, I want us both to be happy, so let’s talk.”  Hash out issues like sex, money, religion, and chores.  Putting the plan into writing is key, but involving the law is optional.  Another difficult subject and one that is sometimes hard to discuss is family.  How far should you go with family?  How obligated are you to go with family.  For example:  He might be close to his family but you are not, you’re used to having your privacy and you’re well within your right.  If he wants to spend time with his children, brother or sister or any member in his family, it’s ok but you have the option to participate.  If you don’t want to be bothered, don’t!!  You are married to him, not his family.  Some of you out there might see it differently, but that’s ok too.  There’s a lot of things in a relationship that can make it uncomfortable but again, being able to discuss these things up front make life so much easier.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Learn to stay in love.

Spend Time Apart

The Convention: The more minutes you spend together the closer you’ll be.

The Counter:  Maintaining independence actually solidifies couples.  Experts say that constantly learning new things about each other is vital to keeping your relationship as riveting as your Twitter feed.  “You can’t be glued at the hip to make that happen,” says Thomas, a licensed marriage therapist in Colorado.

The Realistic Approach:  Take regular solo time.   Try to do your own thing at least two nights a week.  After being apart, I look forward to telling my man about all the drama that I’ve had with my friends and I can’t wait to hear about his.

Schedule Sex

The Convention: Penciling in intimacy is clinical.

The Counter: “It gives the message that, at that time, nothing is more important than being together,” says Thomas. Plus, the more sex you have, the happier you’ll be.  Couples who gratify each other’s sexual needs are 65 percent more likely to be satisfied in their paring than those who don’t says a 2011 study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.

The Realistic Approach:  To up how often you undress each other, say I miss having sex with you,” says Thomas, who advises mandated sack time once a week.  If you aren’t in the mood at that hour, cuddle or kiss instead.

Welcome the Rough Patch

The Convention: Focusing only on the positives helps couples through tough times.

The Counter:  In fragile unions, having some don’t –want-the-neighbors –to-hear disagreements can help the relationship survive, per a study from the University of Tennessee.  Doing so helps probe-and repair-what’s wrong. “You have to feel free to tell your partner something about them isn’t fantastic,” says Mary Vandergrift, 35, of Pittsburgh, who practices this with her husband.

The Realistic Approach:  Fight clean.  Remember to focus on finding a solution, not KO’ing your sparring partner.  If you do get nasty, apologize for morphing into a mean girl and explain why you got upset.

Don’t Talk About Your Relationship with Others

The Convention: Solid couples gush-and vent-about each other to their friends.

The Counter:  Blabbing too much can make your relationship feel like a reality show.  Ladies, when you tell your friends everything that goes on in your relationship, it can weaken trust and put pressure on your every move.  Try keeping things between you and your partner and watch how it can change your relationship.  Stop putting your business in the streets.

The Realistic Approach:  Pick one person to confide in.  With me, it’s my sister-in-law.

She knows both of us, so when we have problems, she can tell quickly which one of us is being a jerk.  Always stay open to romantic gestures.  Keep an open mind.

5 Romantic Gestures to Embrace

Say “I Love You”

Surprise Each Other

Celebrate

Talk Dirty

Have Rituals

And that’s all for today folks!!! What romantic gesture have you made lately?  Leave your comments, we’d love to hear from you.  Until the next time.  Keep Bloggin Baby!!!

Scottlnk

And the Big Question Is: What about the G-Spot?

Great Sexpectations

A revealing new study has pinpointed the true sources of sexual pleasure for women.  Let the findings reignite your sex life…if you dare.

Women haven’t been waiting for a lab report to learn that sexual sensation centered on the vagina is different from sensation centered on the clitoris-or on the breasts, for that matter.  But apparently this is breaking news to sex researchers, who have only recently confirmed these facts using high-tech brain scans.  And if this information comes as a surprise to your partner too, you’ll be able to change your sex life in the most satisfying ways imaginable.  This new research comes from Rutgers University, where Barry Rh. Komisasruk, PhD, has been studying women’s sexual response for 3 decades.  He and his colleagues have now shown that not only does stimulation of the clitoris, vagina, cervix, and nipples activate distinct brain regions of the genital sensory zone of the cortex but also that titillating one area affects other sexual brain sectors as well.

These findings are especially important to long-standing couples, who all too easily fall into sexual ruts according to Nan Wise, a certified sex therapist and PhD candidate in Dr. Komisaruk’s lab.  The same old, same old sex routines don’t work for women because female sexuality is nuanced and complex-more like a symphony than a cymbal clang.  If your partner’s approach to sex is one note-exclusively focused on your vagina, for example-he’s shortchanging your pleasure potential.

“Not every woman likes every type of touch, but there is likely a cumulative effect,” says Wise. “For most women, layering three or four types of stimulation could lead to a better sexual experience than enjoying one thing only.” The result is that couples now have myriad reasons to try new positions, modes of touch, and means of sexual expression, release your habits and inhibitions and let the fun begin.

Show and Tell

In order to defuse some of the tension that can creep into couple conversations about less-than satisfying sex, consider drawing your partner a personalized pleasure map instead.  Laura Berman, PhD, host of In the Bedroom with “Dr. Laura Berman, provides her clients with a black and white outline of a figure’s front and back on a sheet of paper.  “Circle the areas of the body where you’d like your partner to lavish attention.

Also key: 

Assign each zone a number, which tells your partner what part of your body you want stimulated first, second, third, and so on.

And the Big Question Is:  What about the G-Spot?

The G-spot, the much-debated area on the front wall of the vagina, is the focus of as many rumors as
Bigfoot or Elvis.  It’s supposedly the source of some of the most intense orgasms and even ejaculation, when manipulated correctly.

“Unfortunately, there’s more known about certain areas of outer space than there is about certain areas inside a woman’s vagina,” says Nan Wise, a Rutgers University researcher and certified sex therapist.  The existence of the G-spot remains a controversial subject, even though Italian researchers reported pinpointing its location using ultrasound in a small 2008 study.  To date, scientific consensus hasn’t been reached.  But there’s no reason not to do some research of your own-no one can blame a girl for trying.

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Friends No More

I’d never imagined our friendship would end, and certainly not like this. But on an otherwise ordinary afternoon, a scathing missive arrived from one of my best pals: a litany of my flaws and mistakes, along with my most mortifying secrets, amassed over the years we’d known each other and thrown back in my face. What prompted this vicious e-mail attack? A friendship I’d struck up with someone my close friend-unbeknownst to me-had a brutal grudge against. For day’s afterward, I walked around dazed, alternating between grief over our falling-out and growing anger at her cruel words. But I didn’t realize which of the two feelings was stronger until my phone rang weeks later. Sounding humbled, she asked if we could talk. I considered her request for all of three seconds, and then hung up.
Getting Your Grudge On
In a perfect world, everyone would be high-minded enough to move past petty pals, scheming coworkers, and lying’, cheating, mates. But when someone you love and trust hurts you, it’s like taking a sucker punch to your emotional six-pack.
Withholding forgiveness is a way of doling out justice and letting the other person know that his or her bad behavior has repercussions. But consider this: Forgiveness isn’t just good for your soul, it can be good for your health too. According to a recent study that appeared in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, people with more forgiving personalities tend to have less stress, lower blood pressure and better sleep quality. Less depression, and stronger immune systems to boot. Maybe that’s because carrying a grudge is kind of like walking around with a 20 pound weight on your shoulders: The only person who is really being punished is you. “People think forgiveness is an act of kindness toward another person,” explains Marina Cantacuzino, founder and director of The Forgiveness Project, an international organization that is devoted to fostering a culture of no retribution. “But it isn’t -you do it primarily for yourself.”
The Slow Burn Bygone
Even so, that doesn’t mean it’s always smart to wipe the slate clean. “Painful events happen to all of us, and we can become attached to the pain and unable to move past it.’ Says Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger. “But letting go of the corrosive fury that’s ruining an otherwise good day does not mean you have to forgive the person who harmed you or excuse their behavior. Sure, you need to move forward, but you don’t need to forgive someone to heal.”
Even if you’re willing to forgive the other person, you can’t truly start fresh unless you confront them.
Who deserves a pardon? You have to ask yourself, what was the motive of the other person and why did they wrong you. Did they do it to hurt or embarrass you or were they acting more out of cluelessness or weakness. Take a friend who reveals confidence, did she blurt out your indiscretion because she had one too many appletinis? Or did she do it intentionally to stir up some drama?
Nobody wants to get hurt but sometimes it just happens. You have to learn to get past the hurt and move forward if you want to continue to be friends.

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Beat the Cheat

The economic crisis has left many Americans deep in debt and looking for a deal-or a savior- to get them through tough times.  Winning the lottery, this is my lucky day, if only I could hit that number.  We all have our hopes and dreams.  Unfortunately, there are people out there who play on our emotions.  They look for our weak spots so they can come into our already disruptive lives and cause more disruption.  When times get tough, the cons get cagier.  So I’ve put together some information that I’d like to share with you.  It’s helped me to avoid some of the pitfalls in life.  I call it:

The latest scams, shams, and devious flimflams to avoid.

Instead of a white knight coming to save the day, many are getting a shady scammer.  Inspired by the headlines, coin artists slap new stories on old tricks, preying on the financial fears and desperation of hardworking citizens.  After all, when you’re drowning, you’re interested in what the guy who claims to be selling life preservers has to say.  Here’s, some of the newest and newsiest ploys to avoid. 

The Headline:  Bank Failures, mergers, and takeovers have left depositors wondering, is my money safe? 

SCAM:  You receive an email that says, “Do not let financial markets’ collapse affect your life.  Protect yourself by clicking on the link below right now.”  This is the latest twist on the classic phishing scam:  The link goes to a fake web page that looks like your banks.  If you log in to update your account information, as requested, you’ve handed the keys to your account over to an identity thief. 

The Details:  Jackson Stone, a 32 year old truck driver from Atlanta, GA, received one of those emails, but a few warning signs tipped him off that it was a scam.  It was from a free email service rather than a company website, the “reply to” line was different from the “sent from,” the subject line was blank, and the email was text only, says Stone, without any “fancy ads” that usually come with official company marketing emails.

Fight Back:  Never log on to your bank from a link in an email.  Always type in your bank’s URL, then log on.  You should also call your financial institution to report the incident and forward the email to the Federal Trade Commission at spam@uce.gov.

The Headline:  With national unemployment levels at 14-year highs, many people are desperate for work.

SCAM:  You’re hired-to be a victim of check fraud.

The Details:  A $4,000 check showed up unexpectedly in Stella Burn’s mailbox, along with a job offer to become a “secret shopper,” person who makes undercover purchases and reports in how well a store is run.  There was one curious item on the to-do-list: Wire $3,000 to someone in New Jersey.  Burn, a 28-year-old graduate student in San Diego, used to clear checks in a credit union.  She noticed the check account number was printed twice-next to the bank routing number and in the upper-right corner.  That’s not unusual, but the numbers didn’t match.  The check was drawn on the fictional State Employers’ Credit Union, not the legitimate State Employers’; Credit Union.  Most tellers might not have noticed and would have deposited the check.  Within a week, the check-clearing department would have spotted the fake and yanked the funds back.  If Burns had wired the money to New Jersey – thinking $4,000 deposit would cover it-she would have been out $3,000.  “It was done really well, “says Burn.  “A desperate person who wanted this to be true could be easily scammed.” 

Fight Back: Never wire money to strangers.  Whenever someone you don’t know wants you to cash a check and send part of it elsewhere, it’s a scam.  If you’ve already wired the money, try to stop payment by calling the wire-transfer company.  If no one has picked up the money yet, you’ll get it back.  Otherwise, it’s too late. 

On that note, just to let you know.  Take a moment and think because if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.  Fight back.  You’ve worked too hard to give it away.  So, tell us what you think, we’d love to hear from you.  Your comments are welcome.  Until the next time.  Here’s Bloggin at you kid.

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Don’t Let the Bedbugs Bite!

We all love to travel, one vacation after another, a weekend getaway, even a one night rump.  We love to climb up on the white sheets with the sweet smell of clean rain.  Especially after being on the road for 8 straight hours or after being on an Airplane, it doesn’t matter, we were born to travel.  But, have you ever taken a close look at that hotel room you’re staying in.  Sometimes, it’s so beautiful on the outside but what’s really going on in the inside. 

A few weeks back, my husband and I took a weekend getaway to Galveston, Texas and boy was it nice.  The smell of the ocean in the air, all the tourists, it was so relaxing just to watch the ocean waves.  We walked and walked and walked checking out all the shops along the way.  I mean, this is tourist paradise. Anyway, our room was gorgeous and I won’t mention the name of the establishment but it was supposedly a 4 star hotel.  I felt like a queen on a holiday.  It was wonderful.  Anyway, back to the room.  It was time to get some rest so we head back to the room.  I jumped in the shower first because I wanted to be well relaxed and ready for anything, if you know what I mean, when my husband got out of the shower.  Anyway, I’m standing by the window and out of the corner of my eye, I look over by the kitchen sink and what did I see, a bug as big as a small rat.  I’m not kidding, it was the biggest bug I had ever seen.  I almost died.  I tried to keep my eye on it until I could get my husband but by the time I could get him to the area where the bug was first seen, it was gone.  It just disappeared. I tried to explain to my husband that I wasn’t dreaming and I really did see a giant bug.  He laughed and assured me that he would find it and kill it.  A half hour later he called me to the bathroom to show me a bug and he asked, is this the bug you saw?  I said no, the bug I saw was twice as big.  Anyway, he killed it and I was supposed to be at rest but I wasn’t because deep inside of me, I knew that that was not the bug and that the bug I saw had to still be out there.  Anyway, my night was ruined.  My romantic mist just floated out the window.  All I wanted was for the night to be over so we could go home.  Finally, I did get over it and I vowed to never let a bug ruin my romantic getaway again.  So, I did some research that I want to share with you.  A few things to remember so you won’t go wrong:   You might find bedbugs, roaches, water bugs just to name a few of the family but first:

Bedbugs are equal-opportunity pests; you’re as likely to encounter them at a high-end hotel as at a budget dive.  To avoid forming a lasting relationship with these unwanted critters, follow these precautions from Missy Henriksen, vice president of public affairs at the National Pest Management Association. 

Pestproof with plastic.

When packing, pop clothes into giant sealable bags.  There are also medium and large clear plastic suitcase covers for wary travelers who want to keep the bugs at bay.

Do a spot check.

Upon arrival, deposit your luggage in the shower, and do a visual sweep for the apple-seed-size bugs and specks of blood on the mattress and upholstered furniture.

Safeguard your belongings.

Even if your room is clean, keep your suitcase off the floor, preferably atop a hard luggage rack.  Avoid draping your clothes over the furniture or placing them inside the dresser drawers.

Don’t take them with you.

As soon as you get home, launder all of your clothes-even items you haven’t worn-on the hottest washer and dryer settings.  Then vacuum your suitcase to suck up any stowaways.   I hope this bit of information helps.

We’d love to hear your comments.  Did you have any unwanted guest on your vacation?  Tell us about it.  Until the next time.  Keep Bloggin.

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Pump up your willpower

Self-control is like a muscle:  You can make it stronger with these 2 exercises which help you resist temptation when you need to most. 

Witness the role of willpower

In your daily life:  From the moment the alarm sounds in the morning, it’s only by sheer determination that you rouse yourself from the warm sheets into the still-dark morning.  You grit your teeth when the barista takes 6 minutes to fill our coffee order-never mind those $200 shoes you talk our self out of buying or the fries you force yourself to leave on your plate at lunch.  It’s no wonder that by the time 6 pm rolls around, you’re waging World War III on your husband for forgetting to pick up the milk on his way home.  Again, our lives are full of temptations that tax our self-control and drain our will power, but as new and growing body of research says you can make it through the day without losing your cool-and it isn’t as hard as you think.  First, you need to realize that doing anything you don’t want to do-suppressing irritation at your mother-in-law, fighting an impulse to do something you shouldn’t completing a task when you want to quit-draws on the same storehouse of willpower.  But help is here:  According to Roy Baumeister, PhD, director of social psychology at Florida State University, willpower functions like a muscle.  It can be fatigued by overuse, but it can also be strengthened to make you more productive, less stressed, and happier.  All you need are a few healthy habits to keep your willpower tank on full.

  1.   Play Offense

When Dr. Baumieswter monitored workers in Germany, he was surprised to find that people spent between 3 and 4 hours per day resisting desires, the most common of which were urges to eat, sleep, take a break from work, and have sex.  But Dr.  Baumeister also found that people with strong self-control spent less time resisting desires than other people did.  At first he was puzzled.  If self-control is for resisting desires, why are people who have more of it swing it less?  Soon the explanation emerged:  They’re better at proactively arranging their lives to avoid problem situations.  These are the folks who take the car to the shop before it breaks down, give themselves enough time to finish a project, and steer clear of all-you-can-eat buffets.  They play offense instead of defense-which means they set themselves up so they have a realistic chance of succeeding. 

2.       Use The Calm Before it Storms

You can’t control – or even predict-the surprise stresses that come into your life, but you can use peaceful moments to take on the stubborn ones.  Quitting smoking, cutting back on drinking, having that talk with your spouse-these are all best done during times of low demand in order parts of your life.  So if you’re starting a new job, don’t quit smoking cold turkey the same month.  If your marriage is going through a rough patch, don’t try to lose those stubborn 10 pounds.  And when you know a stressful spell is upon you –tax season, say, or a big deadline at work-ask yourself:  How will I expend my will power today, this evening, and next week? 

 3.       Don’t Dawdle

Procrastination is an almost universal vice-95% of people admit to doing it at least sometimes (and we have no idea who those other 5% are – or whom they’re trying to kid).  Psychologists have often blamed procrastination on a compulsion to do things perfectly.  That sounds right, but Dr. Baumeister and Dianne Tice, PhD, a psychologist at Florida State University, discovered that impulsiveness is more likely behind it.  When procrastinators are anxious or bored, they give in to the urge to improve their moods by doing something else.  But they’re mostly kidding themselves:  Eventually, the bill comes due and procrastinators suffer considerably more will power depleting stress (and get sick more) than those who work in a schedule.  Morals of the story:  Bite the bullet and get to work.

4.       Always Remember The Basics

As you work toward a goal, you might be tempted to let other things go – like regular meals and a good night’s sleep.  But what you save in time, you ultimately pay for.  It’s hard to keep up the hard work when you’re tired and hungry.  So the next time you feel your will to power through begin to flag, grab a handful of almonds or an apple, and remember that getting your rest is just as important as nutrition when it comes to willpower. 

 5.       Put It In Writing

Keeping track of your progress is crucial for staying on board with any plan.  It offers immediate encouragement, and on days when you falter, you can look back at your log for a mental pick-me-up-instead of writing yourself off as a lost cause.  Gaining a couple of pounds this week isn’t so discouraging if you have a chart showing a line sloping downward for the past 6 months.

 6.       Reward Yourself Well and Often

Incentives can work wonders.  Journalist Esther Dyson-a disciplined daily swimmer-likes to tell how after years of failing to floss regularly, she was finally struck by the right incentive:  If she flossed her teeth, she would permit herself to swim 5 fewer minutes the following day.  That was 4 years ago, and she has flossed every night since.  “Everybody needs to find their own little thing.” She says.  What’s yours? 

We’d love to hear your comments, tell us what you think.  Until the next time.  I’ll be Bloggin at yea!!!!

Scottlnk….

 

 

The #1 Way to Build a Better Bond

Nope, it’s not sex (though a roll in the hay never hurts).  Turns out, strengthening your relationship starts with a few simple words. 

He restocked the wine rack, replaced the burned out bulb in the bathroom, and even refueled your SUV. Did you, um, say anything?  A new study from Florida State University shows that acknowledging your partner’s little acts of generosity has a major payoff: “Expressing gratitude transforms your impression of the other person,” says researcher Nathaniel Lambert, Ph.D.  “It helps people hold each other in higher regard, making them more comfortable when they have to work through bigger relationship issues.”  What’s more, giving thanks is a gift that keeps on giving: A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who express gratitude more than doubled their chances of being on the receiving end of that generosity again.  (Aha! So that’s the key to more back rubs!)”There aren’t too many things in relationships that are equally beneficial to both the giver and the receiver, says Lambert.  Or as easy to do-paying more attention will tip you off to the times when you can reap this relationship boon.  Here’s how to express your gratitude the right way. 

Random act of kindness:

Flowers! And it’s not even your birthday.

What he’s telling you:  Assuming he’s not trying to get out of the doghouse, a just because bouquet from your guy is a sign that he’s committed. “
When your partner goes out of his way to surprise you with a gift, he’s sending a message that he is invested in your happiness,” says Lambert. “Think of these thoughtful acts as deposits in an emotional savings account.  The accumulation of small acts over time will earn a huge windfall for your relationship.”

Be Grateful:  Your inclination may be to return the favor, but don’t do it. “Responding to a gift with a gift of your own can backfire,“ says Jeffrey Froh, Psy.D., an assistant professor of psychology at Hofstra University in New York.  “It will make him feel indebted to you, and people-men especially-dislike feeling indebted.” Plus, you may come off as a one –upper.  (Ever seen the Penelope character on SNL?  Annoying.) Be appreciative, plain and simple.  Place the flowers in a prominent spot in your pad. 

Tell him how surprised you are-that’s what he was going for-and how much you love that he was thinking about you.  Then wait a day and say it again. “Frequency in expressing gratitude is more important than intensity,” says Froh.

Random act of kindness:  He treats you to dinner after you’ve had a tough day at work.

What he’s telling you:  Job stress can cause significant rifts in a relationship and even lead to divorce, found a study at the University of California at Berkeley. “Eventually, work anxiety is going to spill over into your relationship”, says Leslie Becke3r-Phelps, Ph.D., a psychologist in Basking Ridge, New Jersey. “Treating you to dinner is his attempt to show you that he’s your teammate in getting through this tough time.” 

Be grateful:  Do you really want to spend your romantic candlelit meal griping about your boss’s evil behaviior?  Well, maybe. But steaming over a work issue all evening will leave a bad taste in your mouth.  “Get away from the negativity by asking his advice on how he’d handle your situation, or whether he’s ever dealt with a problem like this at his job,” suggests Becker-Phelps.  Every guy likes giving input and it allows you to focus on a solution instead of stewing over the problem.  Once you’ve gotten his two cents, move on so you can decompress as a duo and enjoy the rest of your night. 

Taking the above steps will truly place you in the right direction towards building a better bond.  What steps have you taken lately?  Share with us.  We’d love to hear your comments.  Until the next time. Blog for the future….

Scottlnk!!!!

                                                                                                   

Jodi Arias Trial

Just heard the news – Jodi’s lawyers want to jump ship on her, can you blame them? I mean, I would have jumped ship a year ago. This trial has been unreal. I don’t usually follow things like this but I have to tell you, when I started listening to the things she was saying, I mean the lies and lies over and over again, I said to myself, this cannot be real so I was glued to it from then on. How can you lie like that under oath? She is definitely out there, I mean in a crazy way. I was so afraid she might get off and I said to myself, if the jury does not convict this girl then the world is on its way to hell. I mean, how do you take someone’s life and watch them suffer while every drop of life is slowly slipping away from their body. She treated him as if he was a piece of meat. And the professionals, which were supposed to be professionals got up and lied for her. What was that all about? It’s like she had the folks hypnotized, under some sort of spell. This just shows you the DEVIL is alive. She leaves him there and continues her journey as if nothing had even happened. To call the police and ask to lend her assistance knowing all the time that she was the one who killed him. Thank God for Juan Martinez, he was strong and stood his ground. I know the family and friends appreciate him so much. I really hope to meet him some day. He was a rock that could not be broken. I think about when Jodi testified and she was so rude to Mr. Martinez at times when he would ask her questions. I thought to myself, that’s ok, you’re going to get yours, and she did!!!. I don’t feel sorry for people like her. She tried to destroy a family but God is good. The Alexander family is strong and it looks as though they’ve gotten stronger.

I really think Jodi thought she would reach the Hall of Fame behind this. She was giving so many interviews, I was starting to wonder if she was really incarcerated. All over the internet and tweeting down. I think Alyce LaViolette may have a thing for Jodi because why would she risk her career with all the lying? Not trying to be judgmental, it just seems so odd, the spell Jodi had over the witnesses. Even the women in her jail pod, I mean, come on, they’re standing up for her like she was some sort of queen. I couldn’t believe it. I think Jodi really needs to be put away because she seems to have some powerful spirit going on there so she needs to be put out of commission real fast. The devil is working through her.

So what do you guys think is going on? We’d love to hear your comments.

Scot