The Importance of Dating Before Marriage..Should You or Should You Not?

Dating before marriage is essential. It helps an individual make the decision whether they want to live with the other person for the rest of their life or not. Dating before marriage is usually referred to as courtship, because the relationship has passed the stage of just getting to know each other, but tailoring it towards marriage. The debate surrounding dating and marriage has been in existence for a while now, with some people advocating for it, and others against it all together. Nevertheless, going on dates that leads to marriage or not is still common. This indicates that it is still relevant for a majority of people. When planning to get married, there are a variety of reasons why dating before marriage is necessary and they include: First, dating before marriage helps you understand your partner better so that you can be able to get along with minimal conflict. The merging of two people from diverse backgrounds is likely to bring with it a lot of ups and downs, so it is better to go through the struggles before marriage, to know if you can cope with them before marriage. Second, when dating with the main goal being to get married, it helps the couple focus on what they should expect in marriage. This focus will help you evaluate whether you are ready for marriage or not, and the responsibilities that come with it. There are some couples that have realized while dating before marriage, that they are not compatible with each other and have ended the relationship before getting married. Third, understanding each other’s likes as well as dislikes are most likely to be discovered when dating before marriage. The more you understand your partner, the more likely you will be able to get along even better within the marriage. It is during this courtship period that you get to know what you can handle, and characteristics that you will not be able to live with. Fourth, future plans and ambitions of a couple are discovered when dating before marriage as they discuss different aspects of their lives. Most of the time, the plans and even ambitions of each partner may differ because they are living individual lives. However, as the courtship progresses it is important to be aware of the possibility of harmonizing future plans, so that you have the same focus. Fifth, dating before marriage strengthens a relationship because of the various life situations that the couple has to go through together as they prepare for marriage. It is in these life situations that you see your partner for who they are, and their ability to handle different situations that may also arise in marriage. However, for some couples, these situations open up their eyes to the realities of the life they are likely to live in marriage and they choose to opt out. Results of not dating before marriage Even with the importance of dating before marriage being emphasized in different types of publications, and married people, there are still couples that decide to forgo dating and just get married. The most obvious result of not getting to know each other before marriage is divorce. Many people who are divorced now, are likely to not have dated before making a decision to get married, and found that they are unable to handle the responsibilities of marriage or to live with the person they married. Another result of not dating before walking down the aisle is that you are not aware of the goal of the marriage. Lack of focus on where the marriage is heading is likely to bring about conflict because everyone has their own life that they want to live within the marriage. A marriage that does not have a common goal is likely to disintegrate at the first sign of trouble. In addition, friendship in dating is developed over time, and this cannot be done without courtship between two people. Friendship is important in a marriage because there are times when the feelings of love will not be there, but because you are friends, there are other points of connection. Overall, dating before marriage is important and should not be neglected if a marriage is to have a chance of survival.

And that’s really all I have to say about that.  We’d love to hear your comments.  Tell us what you think.  You Could win a FREE IPAD  check out:  http://scottlnkdesign.com or go to:  http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website
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Do Happy Marriages/Relationships Exist?

Have you ever wondered how the people in happy marriages do it? Like how do they manage to be loving to their spouse day in and day out, no matter how cranky they are? How is it that these happy couples can put the needs of their significant other before their own needs all the time? Are they selfless? Not to mention trust. Most of us don’t know what it is to be able to fully trust ourselves, let alone another person, but people in happy marriages will tell you that it’s one of the main elements of a good relationship, so how do they manage to balance all of it?

It Is Not a Juggling Act, But Sometimes It Can Feel Like It Is

There are some basic elements of relationships that will allow you to go to the next level, from dating, to engagement, to marriage. It’s pretty unlikely that you would have gotten into a committed relationship with the person you’re married to if you didn’t have some of the essential building blocks for happy marriages at the beginning, so chances are that somewhere along the lines, factors such as mortgage payments, jobs and kids got in the way of the way that the two of you interact, so you’re going to have to bring it back out.

What to Nurture

Yes, there is that word – nurture. You need to work to nurture certain aspects of your relationship so that the two of you can feel that you’re in a solid committed relationship where you really and truly matter to each other. In other words, even though you both know that life would go on without the other one, it wouldn’t be nearly as fabulous. Stop thinking only about what you as an individual can do and start thinking about what you as a couple can do and you might begin to see what makes happy marriages tick.

Remember when you were a kid and you used to want to hang out with your best friend all the time? You did everything together and your parents thought that they had adopted a child. How fun was that? Now, you married your best friend, right? Well, maybe not, but happy marriages all around the world will tell you that life can be like one big “camp out” with your best friend. Start looking for ways to laugh together. Talk about everything. Like what interests them and you individually and you as a couple. The key is to show an interest in what your spouse is interested in and they will reciprocate for you and that’s a friendship.

Don’t forget to make time for intimacy. If your partner sees you make time for them in a completely giving way, not a ‘taking’ way, they will feel loved, not used. This is very important in any happy relationship and you will find all happy marriages have the couple loving one another intimately and with ‘loving respect.’ Building trust and self esteem in each other, will also take you into the land of happier marriages faster than you could realize. When your partner sees that you accept everything about them, they will drop the guarded, fearful behavior and let the real them shine. Remember that happy relationships have their own rhythm and take their own time. Yes, happy marriages do exist. So, from now on, focus on you and your relationship and work on getting yourselves to a state of happiness in your marriage everyday.

7 Rules in the Dating Game

It is a well considered opinion that the best approach to dating is to see it as a game. All games have rules. From the traditional to the professional games of all shades and colours, rules are at the base of its enjoyment. The dating game is not left out. In fact, knowing the dating game rules and playing by it is a sine quo non for success in dating. These dating rules are applicable throughout the season of dating and beyond and would be helpful in sustaining the courtship and marriage relationships that could flow from a dating relationship. It applies to younger people who are dating for the purpose of socialization as well as the older people who are dating for the purpose of marriage. These rules also apply to relationships unrelated to dating, courtship and marriage. Learned and applied on other facets of life, these rules would give one the advantage in situations where dealing with other people are involved.

Rule 1: Independence and Sense of Self-worth

Your primary concern in any relationship – regardless of what kind of relationship it is – is to be yourself. This means that you need to know what you want from life and the relationship. You need to love and respect yourself. You need to know that you are an individual with potential for the best in life and not be prepared to settle for less. You might ask yourself these questions before you take up the dating bull by its horns – Who do I think that I am? What do I want from this relationship? Where are my moral boundaries? How much do I love myself? It would be a great idea to measure your self-esteem and self-confidence levels and ascertain that you are absolutely sure that you could not be confused by veiled seductive signals from the opposite sex.

Rule 2: Be prepared to create and have fun

The base purpose of all games is to create and have fun. There is no reason the dating game should be otherwise. When we try to make other people happy, we are happy ourselves. So, this is a rule you can derive its dual benefits with one act. The law of reciprocity comes to play here. If you give, you receive, most times double or ten times over. The next time, therefore, you have a date coming, remember this rule and get prepared in your mind on those things you can do to create fun for your partner so that you can also have fun. The success of any dating effort is rated by how much fun both partners had. If you deliberately plan and do make your date feel happy while you were out together, the better you feel yourself. It must be stated, though, that the fun spoken about here is not fornication – sexual intercourse.

Rule 3: Effective Communication

Effective communication is the bedrock of all relationships whether or not connected to affairs of the heart. Nowhere is this more critical than in the affairs of the heart. In fact, the dating and courtship period of every relationship is the time to learn and apply this rule so that one would be wise in it. In effective communication, you are not only just required to communicate well; you are required to help your partner to understand you. This could be a thorny challenge in life. Without effective communication, it would be difficult to find friendship, trust, respect, love, understanding, etc where the requisite building blocks of the foundation for joyful relationships are based. This is a critical rule. The Achilles’ heel to this rule is premarital sex. One of the ways to learn and apply this rule is to ask a lot of questions throughout the dating meeting.

Rule 4: Be Prepared To Discuss Differences

It is not all the time that your ability to communicate or obey rules would give you a smooth ride in a dating relationship. There are times that communication breaks down even between two people who may have thought that all is going well with their relationship. During those stormy seasons in a growing relationship, the ability to calmly discuss the differences is very helpful. Sometimes it is the only security for the relationship to continue. To be able to work through these rough waters of relationship, both partners should be willing to put all the cards on the table and discuss their differences with respect for each other’s boundaries and individuality.

Rule 5: Nurture Your Relationship

Every dating relationship and indeed all relationships, whether business, social, intimate and even the ultimate, marriage, need to be nurtured to keep going. Constant appreciation, value, consideration, reciprocity and thoughtfulness all help in showing each partner that he/she is cherished and valued and gives them a feeling that they have a place in your life. It must be stated though that these does not include sexual favors. In fact, premarital sex would harm the relationship badly.

Rule 6: Avoid Premarital Sex

There many reasons why you should avoid premarital sex. If that does not appeal to you, it would be wise to note that it is a breaking of the rule of the game of dating to have sexual intercourse during dating. The only time sexual intercourse is acceptable in human relationships is in lawful and legal wedlock. Premarital sex would take away the opportunity to build friendship and trust which are critical for the future development of the relationship to courtship and marriage. Premarital sex scuttles the ability of couples to learn and apply effective communication.

Rule 7: Ask The Most Important Questions On The First Date

This is critical especially if you are dating for the purpose of marriage. Some people believe it would have been better if the critical questions like family finance, how many children, extended family, demographics, sex, religion, etc, should be asked after the dating relationship has advanced far and may be into courtship. On the contrary, it best to trash the thorny issues first. If for example you are dating for marriage, is there any reason to waste several months with a man or woman whose financial plan, religion, demographics, number of children, sex and extended family ideas are at variance with yours. You can trash these issues on the first date and that would help you know whether you should see the person again.

New Rules to the Dating Game

There are new rules to the dating game and you have to be ready to play.  Things have changed.  Age is just a number to most of us.  If we meet someone and the rhythm clicks, then it’s a go. The most important thing to remember now is that it’s your time to be happy.  You’ve spent most of your life giving to others so now it is time to give back to yourself. So what do you do?  What is your first approach?  There are tons of dating services, they all seemed to be ranked the same. It’s very hard to pick up the phone and say, I need a date because you don’t know what’s on the other end and you have to be careful what you wish for.  You might just get it.  So are you ready?  What has brought you to this point?  You’re 55 years old and you woke up one day to find that your husband of 30 years has walked out on you for a younger women.  It was so devastating but you’ve managed to get pass that.  You let yourself go for a while because nothing seemed to matter.  You thought that the man you married would be the one and only man in your life.  He’s the only man in the world that knows everything about you.  He knows how you laugh, how you cry, your touch, your smell.  He knows everything about you.  Your most intimate secrets so how do you start all over again getting to know a stranger.  There are so many good qualities in my ex that I could never replace.  So I don’t know if I can even look at another man.  Let alone him putting his rod in me which I’m sure he will expect to happen sooner or later.  I really don’t know how to handle this dating thing.  I pray that God will give me the strength to start over.  I don’t want to be lonely.  I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to reach over and find my bed cold and empty.  What do I do?  I could just stop and live the rest of my life as a lonely old woman or I could put the past behind me and go on living.  I wished I knew what to do.  I thought that my husband would love me forever.  I didn’t see this coming.  I can’t turn back time but I can wash away a little gray, buy some sexy underwear.  Start taking better care of my body.  The main thing is, I want to feel good about myself for me.  If by chance I do run into someone who is kind and makes me laugh maybe we’ll sit down and have a meaningful conversation.  Then we’ll go from there.  I wonder how many women are facing the same thing I’m facing right now.   What will be the downfall of my life?  There so many things that I have to deal with now, the hot flashes, the night sweats, the irritable mood swings and being alone.  But for now I’m going to get ready for the dating game and checkout what’s available.  When I find something I’ll let you know.  And that’s all I have to say about that.  So what are your comments?  Are you ready for the dating game?  Send me your comments.  We’d love to hear what you have to say.  Maybe we can help each other.  So let’s talk…In the meantime, keep blogging.  Hey check out these sites.  On one of them, they’re giving away a free IPAD just for joining their group so check out the links to find the one.

Later

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To Be or Not To Be – Is Love The Answer

Is this really the question?  I’ve taken care of you for 15 years and now you’re ready to leave.  I’m good enough to scrub your clothes but I’m not good enough to marry.  I gave you everything I had and now you’ve made a child with someone else.  To be or not to be, that is the question. 

Introducing James and Monica

James and Monica met at the University.  Monica was very shy but James was very outspoken.  Very popular with the ladies.  Everyone adored him so he had plenty of friends.  Monica still reflects back on the day that James asked her out on a date.  She immediately said yes and from that day one they were inseparable.  Monica found as time went on she was doing everything to please James to keep him happy.  From dusk to dawn she waited on him hand and foot.  He never had to worry about a thing.  She loved him so much.  He meant the world to her.  Then one day after a hard day at work, Monica decided that she wanted to do something really special for James.  Since it was their 15^th anniversary, she decided to take him out on the town.  She had it all planned, she would be waiting for him when he walked through the door with his favorite bottle of wine.  She would whisk him off to their favorite restaurant where they would have dinner by candlelight.  And then, they would come home and set the mood for some all-night passionate love making.  It doesn’t get any better than this.  She could hardly wait to surprise him.  James had left unusually early for work today without even mentioning their anniversary.  This was ok though because Monica knew he had a lot on his mine. His job was so demanding of him and she was so understanding in this area.  This was one of the qualities that James loved about her was her ability to be so understanding and never pressuring him when he had to spend extra hours away.  She was so thankful for their beautiful 2 story home with the 3 Cadillac’s and Mercedes Benz.  She had everything a woman could want and even more.  No worries there.  As Monica arrived home it was a little after six and she knew that she had at least another hour before James would be walking through the door.  Every minuet that passed made her more and more excited.  Just the wait alone would drive her mad.  At the front of the door she turns her key and starts to walk in.  A cold rush comes across her body, nothing like she’s ever felt before.  Something’s wrong she says to herself and she hurriedly flips on the lights.  Oh my God, we’ve been robbed.  Robbed, she gasped, what robber would take the time to remove all of the furniture and then it suddenly hit her.  We haven’t been robbed, James has left me.  Somehow he’s come home during the day and removed everything from our home.  Looking across the room where the dinner table used to be, there’s a letter.   As I picked it up to read it said:  Dear Monica, I’m sorry things have to end this way and I know you’re probably thinking that this is a shitty way to leave but the truth is, I don’t love you anymore.  To be or not to be, that is the question, I had to ask myself after living in a miserable life for 15 years.  I had to find the courage to go.  There is someone in my life that I love very much and we have a baby on the way.  It’s a boy and it’s due any day now.  So I’m sorry, I’ll leave you some money in the bank.  This will help out until you get on your feet.  Please don’t try to contact me, this is the best way.  Monica is in shock.  She is so devastated, she can hardly move.  Her whole life flashed before her eyes.  And then there was a loud pop!!!……

The newspaper read the following day.  Wife comes home to an empty house to take her own life.  To
Be or Not to Be, that is the Question.  And that all I have to say about that.  We’d love to hear your comments on the story.  Tell us what you think.  Check out our blog at:  http://scottlnkdesign.com

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Get AMP – Volume 2 …Love is the Question? I’ve Got The Answer

Let’s Get AMP – Volume 2…Love is the Question?  I’ve Got the Answer

Today is a good day, love is all around us and the question is:

Do men really cheat on their spouses more than women do, or do they just get caught more often?

Answer:

Historically, men have reported being unfaithful twice often as women, according to Robin Milhausen, Ph.D., professor of family relations at the University of Gouelph in Ontario. “But today, the genders are almost equally unfaithful—23% for men and 19% for women.”  The reasons for infidelity differ, though.  For a woman, it’s sexual incompatibility that makes her more likely to cheat.  Men who are easily aroused-meaning they’re more responsive than most to attractive women-are more likely to stray.

Question:

My husband hides porn under the mattress on his side of the bed.  I found it and some of it is really distasteful.  Should I confront him with it or should I just put it out of my mind?  C. Mandrake, Los Angeles

Answer:

First of all, what were you doing snooping around under your man’s mattress anyway? What were you looking for?  It sounds like you need to check yourself before it’s too late.  He may be trying to tell you something.  Maybe you need a little excitement in your love life.  Have you ever considered role playing?  Think about it before you attack him with something you weren’t supposed to know about anyway.  If you trust him, don’t let a silly thing like porn destroy your relationship, it’s just a magazine.  And if you feel that strong about it, get involved.  I have a few ideas and I just happen to have a few naughty items in stock that I’m sure could add to your role playing.  So by all means, email me at scottlnk@aol.com and let’s get this party started ok.

Question:

My husband has no problem buying what he wants, but he gets upset when I splurge.  Why?      J. Anderson, Memphis, TN

Answer:

It’s nearly impossible to keep things 50-50, but if there’s extra spending money, you should both be entitled to it.  Figure out why your man is playing power games.  Does he feel your splurges are too expensive or impractical or think he should be the only one spending?  Discuss your finances and determine together how much money each of you have for discretionary spending.  It might help to set a limit, like $200, for how much either of you can spend without running it by the other.  But by all means, don’t keep secrets.  You are an item.  Your money is his money and his money is your money.  So if you can remember that, you’ll never have to worry.

Question:

My boyfriend and I are engaged and are planning to marry in the fall.  I love him with all my heart but he has hinted to me that he would like to swap with our next door neighbors.  Addie and Carl have been our friends for over 3 years and we do everything together.  Addie is very attractive and very loose.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge.  She does what she wants as long as she stays in her own space and does not cross into mine.  I came home one day and Addie was asleep in my guest bedroom.  Apparently, she and Carl had had a fight.  I didn’t think anything about it at the time but now I don’t know.  Bobby has started to hint more and more that we should try this because it could help our relationship and theirs.  I don’t know Ms. P, I thought what we had was sacred and I don’t want to share my man.  What should I do? S. Bloomsdale, Atlanta, GA

Answer:

Well Sandra, it sounds like it may have already started without you.  I mean you came home and she was in your bed, which should have been your first clue.  She lives only 2 doors down from you, why didn’t she just go home.  And now Bobby all of a sudden wants to swap, what’s that all about?  You need to put an end to this nonsense and put an end to it now, if you value your relationship.  If you let this happen, you may not recoup from it.  So please think about it before it’s too late.  I’m not trying to tell you what to do but get that notion out of his head so you can get back to planning your wedding.  And thats all I have to say about that…

You out there, we’d love to hear your comments.  Tell us what you think.   Looking forward to the next Volume of AMP?

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An End to Pain

Acupuncture is gaining new traction – and respect – in hospitals and doctors’ offices as evidence of its curative power piles up.

Here, why it works and what conditions it’s best for.

Virginia Ginsburg, 35, of Santa Monica, CA, didn’t put much stock in acupuncture.  So when she woke up one morning in September 2009 with pain in her back and leg so excruciating that she could barely walk, she begged her husband to take her to the emergency room.  She was diagnosed with sciatica, given a shot of morphine and some pain pills, and sent limping home.  But after a few days, when the pain hadn’t abated, she remembered how acupuncture had eased her morning sickness when she was pregnant.  “I was skeptical that it could help with a more serious condition, but I didn’t know where else to turn,” she says.  So she called the acupuncturist again.  The results astonished her.  After just one treatment, the agony began to subside.  She went to two or three sessions a week and, after 10 weeks, she was completely pain free. 

Stories like Ginsburg’s have become increasingly common over the past few years.  Marilyn Burack, 52, of Livingston, NJ, says she was cured of vertigo in two sessions of acupuncture after six months of medications had failed her.  Rhalee Hughes, 38, of New York City, found that just one treatment could stop a flare-up of the pinched nerve in her neck.  And similar accounts are told by many of the more than 3 million Americans who have turned to the 2,500-year old Asian techniques to relieve osteoarthritis, back pain, migraines, nausea, hot flashes, anxiety, addiction, insomnia, and infertility.

Western doctors are taking notice, “More people in the medical community are embracing acupuncture because they see it works-often in cases where conventional medicine hasn’t been as effective,” says Geovanni Espinosa, ND, the director of the Integrative Urology Center of NYU Langone Medical Center.  An estimated 1,500 US physicians are now trained in acupuncture.  And some hospitals even have acupuncturists on staff, who tote their needle kits into cancer and orthopedic wards.  What’s behind this wave of acceptance is more than treatment trendiness.  As reports of acupuncture’s potency accumulate, researchers have discovered more evidence about how the technique functions-and the conditions for which it’s most effective.

The Burden of Proof

Licensed acupuncturist point to a 2,500 – year history as confirmation that the practice works.  The concept that traditionally underlies acupuncture (or needling, as it’s sometimes called) is that the human body has 12 meridians along which energy – called qi (pronounced chee)-flows.  When these channels are “blocked” or “unbalanced,” it’s thought, the result is illness and pain.  To unblock and balance qi, an acupuncturist inserts needles at strategic points along the meridians and their tributaries.  But for western doctors and researchers, this explanation does not rise to the level of objective proof.  As a result, “there has been an explosion of study on the bio mechanisms of acupuncture over the last ten years, showing complex, verifiable responses in the brain, nervous system and connective tissue,” says Arya Nielsen, PhD, senior attending acupuncturist in the department of Integrative Medicine at Beth Israelo Medical Center in New York City.  One recent review names more than 20 scientifically established benefits of acupuncture, from increasing the effects of painkilling endorphins to boosting immune function to releasing anti-inflammatories (which reduce swelling and help healing).

A list of things acupuncture has known to cure:

Pain, Digestive Issues, Chemo side effects, Hot Flashes, Stress, Anxiety, and Mild Depression.  This is just a few on the list.  There are much, much more.  So have you had the opportunity to explore acupuncture?  If so, what did you think  Was it beneficial to you?  We’d love to hear your comments.  Drop us a few lines and share your experience.

In the meantime, here’s blogging at you.  Don’t forget to check out our blogs at: http://scottlnkdesign.com

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See You At The Top!

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The Odd Body

What are goose bumps, pins and needles, and side stitches?  The truth behind 3 of your body’s physical quirks – and easy moves that leave you feeling your best.  Let’s call them out and see if we agree:

1.       What causes Goose Bumps?

Goose bumps (scientific name: piloerection) pop up when you’re cold or afraid.  A tiny muscle at the base of each body hair contracts; together, they appear as naked bumps on the flesh.  They made sense eons ago, when humans still had a natural “fur coat.” Back then, fluffing your ruff would warm the body by trapping an insulating layer of air between the hairs.  And standing your hair on end was intimidating to predators or enemies (picture a cat facing off with a dog).  Evolution has since stripped humans of their pelts.  Now goose bumps are, of course, no medical issue.  If you’re uncomfortable showing off your vestigial physiognomy, dress warmly, place yourself in calm environments, and avoid horror flicks.

2.       Why Does Chopping Onions Make you cry?

When you cut into an onion, you rupture its cells, releasing enzymes that produce a gas called propanethial sulfoxide.  Once that gas reaches your eyes, it reacts with tears to produce a mild sulfuric acid.  And that hurts.  The brain then signals the eyes’ tear glands to produce more liquid to flush the stuff out.  The more you chop, the more irritating gas you produce  and the more tears you shed.  “: The onion’s chemical reaction is a defense mechanism that evolved to repel pests,” explains University of Wisconsin-Madison horticultural professor Irwin Goldman, Ph.D.  Keep the stinging and crying to minimum by chilling an onion in the freezer before cutting it; cold temperatures slow release of the enzymes.  The highest concentration of enzymes is at the bottom of the onion, so cut it last to postpone the weeping (and the irritation) for as long as possible.

3.       When you find something really funn7y, why do you sometimes “laugh until you cry”? 

Experts don’t really know.  One thing to consider: Laughing and crying are similar psychological reactions.  “Both occur during states of high emotional arousal, involve lingering effects, and don’t cleanly turn on and off,” says Robert R. Provine, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, and author of Laughter A Scientific investigation.  We associate crying with sadness, but tearing up is an even more complex human up is an even more complex human response.  Tears are triggered by a variety of emotions-“by pain, sadness, and in some cases even more complex human response.  Tears are triggered by a variety of emotions- “by pain, sadness, and in some cases even extreme mirth.  It’s just the way we’ve evolved,” says Lee Duffner, MD, a professor of ophthalmology at the University of Miami’s Bascom Palmer Eye Institute.  As if turns out, that’s good, because both laughter and crying can ease4 a stressful experience, probably by counteracting the effects of cortisol and adrenaline.  So if you ever find yourself laughing until you cry, count yourself lucky.

 

Can you explain the Odd Body?  We’d love to hear your comments.  We look forward to hearing from you.   So until then keep Bloggin us in.

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A, B, C’s of Love

It’s never too late for love.  There are A, B, C’s of sizzling SEX so let’s turn up the heat.

Did you know that your sex drive and self-esteem work in tandem to bring you sexual satisfaction, according to research conducted by Tina Penhollow, Ph.D., professor of exercise science and health promotion at Florida Atlantic University?  Boost self-assurance and pave the way for more.

Eating healthy:  Your body will feel better, and your psyche will feel empowered by your taking control.

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Exercising: Try activities that focus on fun and skill yet have a body-shaping payoff, such as swimming, cycling, or volleyball.  Taking care of details. By attending to the finer points – fresh nail polish, smooth legs and a well-fitting bra-you send the message to yourself and to others that you and your body are worth the extra effort.

We should all learn to Fantasize: Hot daydreams can help women tune in to a sexual experience, says clinical sexologist lan Kerner, Ph.D. because they help “turn off the parts of {the} brain associated with stress and anxiety.”  To plant the idea of fantasizing in his mind, tell your guy you had a wild dream about him, then play coy.  Make him pry it out of you.  You may spark some interest (and hear specifics about his fantasies too) without making him feel as if he isn’t satisfying you.

There is a term for sex without penetration, and it can be incredibly hot.  It’s called Outercourse.

Here’s what you do:  Apply a water-based lubricant liberally to the head and shaft of the penis and the labia and clitoris.  In one popular version, the woman lies on her back and keeps her legs together, spreading her well-lubed inner thighs just enough for her partner, on top, to slide his erect penis between them and her lips.  She can now squeeze her lips to tighten her grip on his penis as he thrusts and stimulates her clitoris with his moving shaft.  From this position, try various circular motions and grinding thrusts to create a massage for the clitoris and head of the penis.  If he ejaculates, sperm may still be able to enter the vagina, so be sure to use protection.

Then there’s the old Quickie:  There was a study published that found if women ignore outside distractions, they can start to become aroused in just 30 seconds.  Pounce on him when he least expects it (say when he’s frying eggs or after he steps out of the shower). Pull him into an empty room at a party and cop a feel.  Initiate a hot and heavy make out session before work.  Quickie sex reminds you of the early days when you did it any time you had the opportunity.

When you’re bad, what about an old fashion spanking?  A love tap on the butt can increase your bond as a couple, say researchers at Northern Illinois University.  Plus, women get a jolt of testosterone when they’re on the receiving end (but men don’t), according to research from the University of Pisa in Italy.

These are just a couple of things to get that old sex drive flowing.  Do you have any you’d like to share with us?  We’d love to hear your comments.

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Fatal Attraction

When your love nest becomes unsafe.   What a wonderful life.  You’ve finally met Mr. Wright.  He showers you with love and affection.  He hangs on your every word.  You can’t believe this man is real and what did you do to deserve such a prize.  If it’s a dream, you don’t want to wake up.  Life is too perfect but then one day, things change.  Your cell phone is ringing off the hook.  He’s calling every 15 minutes to check on you.  You pick up the phone:  Tim what’s wrong?  Tim Replies:  I’ve been trying to reach you all day.  Where have you been?  I was worried.  Jade’s response:  Don’t you remember, I told you I was going on an outing with some friends and that I’d be gone all day.  Tim’s response:  I’m sorry, I forgot?  Will you forgive me?  Jade’s response:  It’s ok.  Maybe I did forget to tell you.  Anyway, I’ll call you when I get home.  Tim:  ok…It’s 9:00 pm and Jade finally makes it home.  It’s late and she’s tired she just wants to get a hot shower and go to bed.  She’s gets to the door and puts in her key to unlock the door, all of a sudden out of nowhere, Boo, it was Tim.  Jade:  My god Tim, you scared me.  What the hell are you doing out here in the bushes this time of night.  Tim’s response:  It’s late and you weren’t home so I thought I’d better come by and check on you.  Observation:  Jade doesn’t know it but she’s just experienced her first fatal attraction.  Tim is obsessed with knowing where she is 24 hours a day. There’s no room for her to breath and unless she puts a stop to it now, it could end in devastation.  It doesn’t matter how much she loves Tim, if he cannot trust her, there won’t be a relationship.

A fatal attraction can be deadly if you can’t spot the signs.  Margo and Robert were in love.  They had 3 beautiful children, a beautiful home, everything that a young family should have in the American Dream.  Robert was extremely jealous which we didn’t know until it was too late.  Margo was very attractive and more so now since she had had the famous weight loss surgery.  When she was 80 lbs. overweight, Robert didn’t have to worry.  She had no desire to go anywhere or do anything except take care of her family.  But when she lost weight, she started taking care of herself, she became a fashion model, and she was gorgeous.  Robert hated it, he said he wanted her back the way she was.  They were happy then.  Margo did not agree and she could not accept what he had become so she left.  This was a good thing, if only she had stayed gone.  I’ll never forget the day it happened, Margo had asked if she could stay with me a few days until she could get a place of her own and of course, I said sure.  Somehow Robert found out where she was staying and he started calling every day.  Sending over flowers, candy, doing everything he could to romance her.  I knew something was wrong, I could feel it.  I tried my best to keep her occupied and to remind her what type of man he had become and how it was just a game to get her to come back home.  She wouldn’t listen.  I’ll never forget her words, “he loves me, he’s changed, he’s willing to accept the way I am, and we’re going to work it out”.  Ok, I said, if that’s what makes you happy then go.  She was so excited, I watched her get into a cab and drive away.  Two days later, I don’t know what it was but I had a funny feeling in my stomach when I woke up.  The air outside felt really stale.  A few minutes later a friend was knocking at my door.  P, it’s Margo, I said what?  Margo is dead, he replied.  Dead, what happened?  Robert shot her and then turned the gun on himself.  The kids saw everything.  Social Service picked them up.  I couldn’t believe it.  She’s gone.

A fatal attraction can be deadly if you can’t spot the signs.  Do you know someone who’s in a fatal attraction?  Share your comments with us.  We want to hear from you.  You might just save a life.   Keep Blogging, until the next time.  Scotts Link!

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