Love for One or Love for All?

3DMainBookWell, I guess that really is the question right? We’ve all seen movies like The Notebook or my all time favorite Titanic — even though it had a very sad ending nonetheless it’s a love story. Love is powerful so powerful that it really does affect your emotions from being really happy one moment to sad the next. It seems like each year the love I have for my husband gets stronger by the year, by the day, or better yet by the hour. See that’s the thing I personally love for one and then I love for all so there are no sides.

Let me explain. I have been in love since I was a teenage girl with my husband for a very long time. I have loved all my life. There’s a slight difference of course. I remember listening to those old soft jams late at night that made my heart melt. I’m what they call the hopeless romantic. I believe one can be happy if he/she is in love. I’m not saying that you can’t fall in love over and over again, I actually hear you can but there’s always that one special guy/girl that takes your breath away. Now the downfall is, just as much as you love them you could hate them just the same.

That’s where the power of love comes in many shapes of emotions. You know how one day you’re in a really good mood but then one little thing could turn your smile into a frown? Love works just the same. Think about that night you got so angry at your spouse, or boyfriend, girlfriend, etc and you said the most meanest thing ever. Whoa now, how could you say you love that person so much but yet you hit it, right where it hurts. Well, there it goes again the shapes of emotions. Some days you will feel head over heals and other days you’d actually feel sad or distant but that doesn’t mean that you’re not in love anymore.

111378Now when you love for all you’re loving everything about your life. Your family, your friends, your accomplishments, your favorite TV show, etc. But just like being in love you will go through the shapes of emotions and some day you may hate those things. Love isn’t something you just say and go on about your day. Say it to yourself one evening while sipping on your favorite beverage and watch how it just rolls out of your tongue and the feeling you get when you say it. Everyone wants to be loved, and be in love as well. The point is, there are going to be days where you want to give up and sadly throw it all away.

But you should never take advantage of the power of love because love is a part of life. I don’t know maybe one day you decide to give up because your ego got in the way or you’ve fallen in love with someone else. Or sadly maybe the other half fell out of love with you — hey it happens. You just have to continue living life and loving all around you because without love you may be lost. Remember this saying by Alfred Lord Tennyson:

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
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The Importance of Dating Before Marriage..Should You or Should You Not?

DesiremeDating before marriage is essential. It helps an individual make the decision whether they want to live with the other person for the rest of their life or not. Dating before marriage is usually referred to as courtship, because the relationship has passed the stage of just getting to know each other, but tailoring it towards marriage. The debate surrounding dating and marriage has been in existence for a while now, with some people advocating for it, and others against it all together. Nevertheless, going on dates that leads to marriage or not is still common. This indicates that it is still relevant for a majority of people. When planning to get married, there are a variety of reasons why dating before marriage is necessary and they include: First, dating before marriage helps you understand your partner better so that you can be able to get along with minimal conflict. The merging of two people from diverse backgrounds is likely to bring with it a lot of ups and downs, so it is better to go through the struggles before marriage, to know if you can cope with them before marriage. Second, when dating with the main goal being to get married, it helps the couple focus on what they should expect in marriage. This focus will help you evaluate whether you are ready for marriage or not, and the responsibilities that come with it. There are some couples that have realized while dating before marriage, that they are not compatible with each other and have ended the relationship before getting married. Third, understanding each other’s likes as well as dislikes are most likely to be discovered when dating before marriage. The more you understand your partner, the more likely you will be able to get along even better within the marriage. It is during this courtship period that you get to know what you can handle, and characteristics that you will not be able to live with. Fourth, future plans and ambitions of a couple are discovered when dating before marriage as they discuss different aspects of their lives. Most of the time, the plans and even ambitions of each partner may differ because they are living individual lives. However, as the courtship progresses it is important to be aware of the possibility of harmonizing future plans, so that you have the same focus. Fifth, dating before marriage strengthens a relationship because of the various life situations that the couple has to go through together as they prepare for marriage. It is in these life situations that you see your partner for who they are, and their ability to handle different situations that may also arise in marriage. However, for some couples, these situations open up their eyes to the realities of the life they are likely to live in marriage and they choose to opt out. Results of not dating before marriage Even with the importance of dating before marriage being emphasized in different types of publications, and married people, there are still couples that decide to forgo dating and just get married. The most obvious result of not getting to know each other before marriage is divorce. Many people who are divorced now, are likely to not have dated before making a decision to get married, and found that they are unable to handle the responsibilities of marriage or to live with the person they married. Another result of not dating before walking down the aisle is that you are not aware of the goal of the marriage. Lack of focus on where the marriage is heading is likely to bring about conflict because everyone has their own life that they want to live within the marriage. A marriage that does not have a common goal is likely to disintegrate at the first sign of trouble. In addition, friendship in dating is developed over time, and this cannot be done without courtship between two people. Friendship is important in a marriage because there are times when the feelings of love will not be there, but because you are friends, there are other points of connection. Overall, dating before marriage is important and should not be neglected if a marriage is to have a chance of survival.

And that’s really all I have to say about that.  We’d love to hear your comments.  Tell us what you think.  You Could win a FREE IPAD  check out:  http://scottlnkdesign.com or go to:  http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website
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Do Happy Marriages/Relationships Exist?

adoreebookHave you ever wondered how the people in happy marriages do it? Like how do they manage to be loving to their spouse day in and day out, no matter how cranky they are? How is it that these happy couples can put the needs of their significant other before their own needs all the time? Are they selfless? Not to mention trust. Most of us don’t know what it is to be able to fully trust ourselves, let alone another person, but people in happy marriages will tell you that it’s one of the main elements of a good relationship, so how do they manage to balance all of it?

It Is Not a Juggling Act, But Sometimes It Can Feel Like It Is

There are some basic elements of relationships that will allow you to go to the next level, from dating, to engagement, to marriage. It’s pretty unlikely that you would have gotten into a committed relationship with the person you’re married to if you didn’t have some of the essential building blocks for happy marriages at the beginning, so chances are that somewhere along the lines, factors such as mortgage payments, jobs and kids got in the way of the way that the two of you interact, so you’re going to have to bring it back out.

What to Nurture

Yes, there is that word – nurture. You need to work to nurture certain aspects of your relationship so that the two of you can feel that you’re in a solid committed relationship where you really and truly matter to each other. In other words, even though you both know that life would go on without the other one, it wouldn’t be nearly as fabulous. Stop thinking only about what you as an individual can do and start thinking about what you as a couple can do and you might begin to see what makes happy marriages tick.

Remember when you were a kid and you used to want to hang out with your best friend all the time? You did everything together and your parents thought that they had adopted a child. How fun was that? Now, you married your best friend, right? Well, maybe not, but happy marriages all around the world will tell you that life can be like one big “camp out” with your best friend. Start looking for ways to laugh together. Talk about everything. Like what interests them and you individually and you as a couple. The key is to show an interest in what your spouse is interested in and they will reciprocate for you and that’s a friendship.

Don’t forget to make time for intimacy. If your partner sees you make time for them in a completely giving way, not a ‘taking’ way, they will feel loved, not used. This is very important in any happy relationship and you will find all happy marriages have the couple loving one another intimately and with ‘loving respect.’ Building trust and self esteem in each other, will also take you into the land of happier marriages faster than you could realize. When your partner sees that you accept everything about them, they will drop the guarded, fearful behavior and let the real them shine. Remember that happy relationships have their own rhythm and take their own time. Yes, happy marriages do exist. So, from now on, focus on you and your relationship and work on getting yourselves to a state of happiness in your marriage everyday.

7 Rules in the Dating Game

410133It is a well considered opinion that the best approach to dating is to see it as a game. All games have rules. From the traditional to the professional games of all shades and colours, rules are at the base of its enjoyment. The dating game is not left out. In fact, knowing the dating game rules and playing by it is a sine quo non for success in dating. These dating rules are applicable throughout the season of dating and beyond and would be helpful in sustaining the courtship and marriage relationships that could flow from a dating relationship. It applies to younger people who are dating for the purpose of socialization as well as the older people who are dating for the purpose of marriage. These rules also apply to relationships unrelated to dating, courtship and marriage. Learned and applied on other facets of life, these rules would give one the advantage in situations where dealing with other people are involved.

Rule 1: Independence and Sense of Self-worth

Your primary concern in any relationship – regardless of what kind of relationship it is – is to be yourself. This means that you need to know what you want from life and the relationship. You need to love and respect yourself. You need to know that you are an individual with potential for the best in life and not be prepared to settle for less. You might ask yourself these questions before you take up the dating bull by its horns – Who do I think that I am? What do I want from this relationship? Where are my moral boundaries? How much do I love myself? It would be a great idea to measure your self-esteem and self-confidence levels and ascertain that you are absolutely sure that you could not be confused by veiled seductive signals from the opposite sex.

Rule 2: Be prepared to create and have fun

The base purpose of all games is to create and have fun. There is no reason the dating game should be otherwise. When we try to make other people happy, we are happy ourselves. So, this is a rule you can derive its dual benefits with one act. The law of reciprocity comes to play here. If you give, you receive, most times double or ten times over. The next time, therefore, you have a date coming, remember this rule and get prepared in your mind on those things you can do to create fun for your partner so that you can also have fun. The success of any dating effort is rated by how much fun both partners had. If you deliberately plan and do make your date feel happy while you were out together, the better you feel yourself. It must be stated, though, that the fun spoken about here is not fornication – sexual intercourse.

Rule 3: Effective Communication

Effective communication is the bedrock of all relationships whether or not connected to affairs of the heart. Nowhere is this more critical than in the affairs of the heart. In fact, the dating and courtship period of every relationship is the time to learn and apply this rule so that one would be wise in it. In effective communication, you are not only just required to communicate well; you are required to help your partner to understand you. This could be a thorny challenge in life. Without effective communication, it would be difficult to find friendship, trust, respect, love, understanding, etc where the requisite building blocks of the foundation for joyful relationships are based. This is a critical rule. The Achilles’ heel to this rule is premarital sex. One of the ways to learn and apply this rule is to ask a lot of questions throughout the dating meeting.

Rule 4: Be Prepared To Discuss Differences

It is not all the time that your ability to communicate or obey rules would give you a smooth ride in a dating relationship. There are times that communication breaks down even between two people who may have thought that all is going well with their relationship. During those stormy seasons in a growing relationship, the ability to calmly discuss the differences is very helpful. Sometimes it is the only security for the relationship to continue. To be able to work through these rough waters of relationship, both partners should be willing to put all the cards on the table and discuss their differences with respect for each other’s boundaries and individuality.

Rule 5: Nurture Your Relationship

Every dating relationship and indeed all relationships, whether business, social, intimate and even the ultimate, marriage, need to be nurtured to keep going. Constant appreciation, value, consideration, reciprocity and thoughtfulness all help in showing each partner that he/she is cherished and valued and gives them a feeling that they have a place in your life. It must be stated though that these does not include sexual favors. In fact, premarital sex would harm the relationship badly.

Rule 6: Avoid Premarital Sex

There many reasons why you should avoid premarital sex. If that does not appeal to you, it would be wise to note that it is a breaking of the rule of the game of dating to have sexual intercourse during dating. The only time sexual intercourse is acceptable in human relationships is in lawful and legal wedlock. Premarital sex would take away the opportunity to build friendship and trust which are critical for the future development of the relationship to courtship and marriage. Premarital sex scuttles the ability of couples to learn and apply effective communication.

Rule 7: Ask The Most Important Questions On The First Date

This is critical especially if you are dating for the purpose of marriage. Some people believe it would have been better if the critical questions like family finance, how many children, extended family, demographics, sex, religion, etc, should be asked after the dating relationship has advanced far and may be into courtship. On the contrary, it best to trash the thorny issues first. If for example you are dating for marriage, is there any reason to waste several months with a man or woman whose financial plan, religion, demographics, number of children, sex and extended family ideas are at variance with yours. You can trash these issues on the first date and that would help you know whether you should see the person again.

Get AMP – Volume 2 …Love is the Question? I’ve Got The Answer

Let’s Get AMP – Volume 2…Love is the Question?  I’ve Got the Answer

Today is a good day, love is all around us and the question is:510105

Do men really cheat on their spouses more than women do, or do they just get caught more often?

Answer:

Historically, men have reported being unfaithful twice often as women, according to Robin Milhausen, Ph.D., professor of family relations at the University of Gouelph in Ontario. “But today, the genders are almost equally unfaithful—23% for men and 19% for women.”  The reasons for infidelity differ, though.  For a woman, it’s sexual incompatibility that makes her more likely to cheat.  Men who are easily aroused-meaning they’re more responsive than most to attractive women-are more likely to stray.

Question:

My husband hides porn under the mattress on his side of the bed.  I found it and some of it is really distasteful.  Should I confront him with it or should I just put it out of my mind?  C. Mandrake, Los Angeles

Answer:

First of all, what were you doing snooping around under your man’s mattress anyway? What were you looking for?  It sounds like you need to check yourself before it’s too late.  He may be trying to tell you something.  Maybe you need a little excitement in your love life.  Have you ever considered role playing?  Think about it before you attack him with something you weren’t supposed to know about anyway.  If you trust him, don’t let a silly thing like porn destroy your relationship, it’s just a magazine.  And if you feel that strong about it, get involved.  I have a few ideas and I just happen to have a few naughty items in stock that I’m sure could add to your role playing.  So by all means, email me at scottlnk@aol.com and let’s get this party started ok.

Question:

My husband has no problem buying what he wants, but he gets upset when I splurge.  Why?      J. Anderson, Memphis, TN

Answer:

It’s nearly impossible to keep things 50-50, but if there’s extra spending money, you should both be entitled to it.  Figure out why your man is playing power games.  Does he feel your splurges are too expensive or impractical or think he should be the only one spending?  Discuss your finances and determine together how much money each of you have for discretionary spending.  It might help to set a limit, like $200, for how much either of you can spend without running it by the other.  But by all means, don’t keep secrets.  You are an item.  Your money is his money and his money is your money.  So if you can remember that, you’ll never have to worry.

Question:

My boyfriend and I are engaged and are planning to marry in the fall.  I love him with all my heart but he has hinted to me that he would like to swap with our next door neighbors.  Addie and Carl have been our friends for over 3 years and we do everything together.  Addie is very attractive and very loose.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge.  She does what she wants as long as she stays in her own space and does not cross into mine.  I came home one day and Addie was asleep in my guest bedroom.  Apparently, she and Carl had had a fight.  I didn’t think anything about it at the time but now I don’t know.  Bobby has started to hint more and more that we should try this because it could help our relationship and theirs.  I don’t know Ms. P, I thought what we had was sacred and I don’t want to share my man.  What should I do? S. Bloomsdale, Atlanta, GA

Answer:

Well Sandra, it sounds like it may have already started without you.  I mean you came home and she was in your bed, which should have been your first clue.  She lives only 2 doors down from you, why didn’t she just go home.  And now Bobby all of a sudden wants to swap, what’s that all about?  You need to put an end to this nonsense and put an end to it now, if you value your relationship.  If you let this happen, you may not recoup from it.  So please think about it before it’s too late.  I’m not trying to tell you what to do but get that notion out of his head so you can get back to planning your wedding.  And thats all I have to say about that…

You out there, we’d love to hear your comments.  Tell us what you think.   Looking forward to the next Volume of AMP?

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Don’t Judge Me Part 2

Yesterday we left off where Alice was in a dilemma as to whether to tell Jeffrey about her recent visit to the doctor and if she would end up canceling her wedding, losing Jeffery or just slipping away and keeping her deep dark secret to herself.

Today, it’s raining and everything appears to be so gray.  Yesterday I had a beautiful life.  I was on top of the world.  Today, I feel like someone has pulled my life from under me and I don’t know which way to turn.  No matter what happens, I have to take control of this situation.

It’s 6:00 pm and Jeffery just arrived home.  How’s my favorite girl?  I missed you so much today.  Listen, I spoke to my mom and she tells me that she can’t wait to get here.  She wants to arrive early so she can help with all the planning and hopefully take some of the weight off of your mom.  That’s great replied Alice, I’m really looking forward to finally meeting her.  Jeffery, I have to talk to you about something that’s really urgent.  What is it Alice, replied Jeffery, tell me.  Jeffery, I’m HIV positive.  Jeffery almost fell off his feet, what did you say?  I said, I’m HIV positive, replied Alice.  Who told you that?  How do you know?  I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup and since we were getting married I decided to have a full checkup done and this is what they found.  Oh my God, Alice, I can’t believe it, replied Jeffery.   Stop right there, I don’t know how this happened, I’ve never cheated on you and I don’t know where this came from.  I went over it again and again in my mind and I still don’t know what happened.  I feel like God is punishing me for my life before.

All of a sudden, Jeffery got real quite.  Alice I’m sorry, he said.  Sorry, sorry for what? She asked, I’m the one that’s made our life a disaster.  No, it’s not you, it was never you.  It was me.  All of sudden Alice looked up with surprise, you, Jeffery what are you saying.  Jeffery held his head down, to ashamed to look into her eyes.   I mean, I cheated on you and I didn’t tell you and the one time I cheated, I picked up the disease from her.  So you see, it was never you, it was me.  Alice stopped right in her tracks, what are you saying, you mean, I’ve put my life through hell over the past week and it wasn’t even my fault.  Why didn’t you tell me Jeffery?  I couldn’t, I mean, I don’t know why.  I tried to tell you over and over again but you were always too busy to listen, he replied.  So you gave me the disease? She asked.   I had an affair and I’m sorry, I made a mistake. A mistake that will follow me for the rest of my life and I don’t know how to fix it.  You should have started by telling me.   That would have been a start, she replied.  I was hoping it would just go away, replied Jeffery.  So where is she now?  Are you still seeing her?  Asked Alice.  No, Jeffrey replied.  She was a one night stand.  A one night stand that brought death to our family, replied Alice.  So, what do we do from here?  She asked.   How did you keep an issue like that a secret, didn’t it bother you, weren’t you afraid you would hurt me?  Asked Alice. What you want from me, Jeffery replied.  It’s just one of those things that happened.  A part of life, relied Jeffery.

In my opinion, it sounds like Jeffery is acting an asshole.  If I were Alice, I’d tell him to pack his sh…t, and go.  But what do you do?  Are there really any right answers?   Let’s talk about this….

So how do you think this story should end?  Should Alice pretend that nothing is wrong?  Should she still marry Jeffery?  He cheated on her, can she ever trust him again?  What would you do?  We’d love to hear your comments on this.  And when you get a chance, please check out our blog at:  http://scottlnkdesign.com

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He’s My Mate

As women, why are we so vulnerable?  We all try to be strong and we’re always trying to figure out ways to project our strength but sometimes it’s not enough.  And no matter how hard you try, someone or something always manages to get in the way.  And BAM!!! Just like that, you’re right back where you started from crying your eyes out, feeling sorry for yourself, lost and alone.  First, we have to take control of our lives. Look out for number one which is you and stop letting people walk all over you.  Reevaluate some things that are going on in your life so that you can start fresh.  First of all, what about that piece of a man that you call your mate.  Is he really yours or is he just a free loader taking up space?  Does this sound familiar:  He comes home every night around 8:00 pm and wonders where his dinner is.   This would be ok but you’re the one who’s slaved all day in a less than desirable job and you’ve got a pounding headache.  The house looks like a tornado hit it and the morning dishes are still in the sink.  So do you see a problem here or are you in a fantasy land?  First of all, you need to “drop this ZERO and get you a HERO.”  What in the hell has he been doing all day?  He tells you that he’s been out looking for a job all day but your neighbor swears she saw your car downtown full of passengers riding around appearing to be having a ball.  I guess those empty beer bottles in the back seat say a lot about his activities for the day.  You have got to let him go.  Please tell me it’s not the SEX that’s holding you in this relationship.  Does he make you feel that good?  It sounds like he’s more of your PIMP than your mate because if you really look at it, you’re paying him to satisfy you.  Oh my sister, he’s got to go.  You filled the tank with gas on Monday and today is Tuesday and it’s already empty.  I think you’d better take a long hard look at your situation before it’s too late.  You are a queen and nothing less.  There’s a man out there just waiting for you to fall into his arms.  He may not have a job at the moment but you can believe he’s trying his best each day to get one.  You don’t have to worry if he cheating on you because his actions will speak his loyalty.  There’s only one car in the family at the moment but that’s ok, he’ll be at your job waiting when you walk out that door so you have no need to worry.  As you approach your home and as soon as you walk through the door, the aroma of steak and garlic potatoes fill the air.  Your favorite dish awaits you and you’re starting to feel how wonderful it is to be home.  It was a hard day’s work and while he messaged your feet, you discussed the events of the day, of what was done and what still needs to be done.  But it’s ok.  Times are hard and may get harder.  Tomorrow is another day but he’s my mate and he’s got my back and I’ve got his and through it all, we will make it.

So tell me, do you have a mate who is extraordinaire?  We’d love to hear about him or her.  Leave us your comments.  How special is this mate?  Even if he’s good or bad, we want to hear from you.  Until the next time.  I’ll blog you later.

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Friends No More

I’d never imagined our friendship would end, and certainly not like this. But on an otherwise ordinary afternoon, a scathing missive arrived from one of my best pals: a litany of my flaws and mistakes, along with my most mortifying secrets, amassed over the years we’d known each other and thrown back in my face. What prompted this vicious e-mail attack? A friendship I’d struck up with someone my close friend-unbeknownst to me-had a brutal grudge against. For day’s afterward, I walked around dazed, alternating between grief over our falling-out and growing anger at her cruel words. But I didn’t realize which of the two feelings was stronger until my phone rang weeks later. Sounding humbled, she asked if we could talk. I considered her request for all of three seconds, and then hung up.
Getting Your Grudge On
In a perfect world, everyone would be high-minded enough to move past petty pals, scheming coworkers, and lying’, cheating, mates. But when someone you love and trust hurts you, it’s like taking a sucker punch to your emotional six-pack.
Withholding forgiveness is a way of doling out justice and letting the other person know that his or her bad behavior has repercussions. But consider this: Forgiveness isn’t just good for your soul, it can be good for your health too. According to a recent study that appeared in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, people with more forgiving personalities tend to have less stress, lower blood pressure and better sleep quality. Less depression, and stronger immune systems to boot. Maybe that’s because carrying a grudge is kind of like walking around with a 20 pound weight on your shoulders: The only person who is really being punished is you. “People think forgiveness is an act of kindness toward another person,” explains Marina Cantacuzino, founder and director of The Forgiveness Project, an international organization that is devoted to fostering a culture of no retribution. “But it isn’t -you do it primarily for yourself.”
The Slow Burn Bygone
Even so, that doesn’t mean it’s always smart to wipe the slate clean. “Painful events happen to all of us, and we can become attached to the pain and unable to move past it.’ Says Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger. “But letting go of the corrosive fury that’s ruining an otherwise good day does not mean you have to forgive the person who harmed you or excuse their behavior. Sure, you need to move forward, but you don’t need to forgive someone to heal.”
Even if you’re willing to forgive the other person, you can’t truly start fresh unless you confront them.
Who deserves a pardon? You have to ask yourself, what was the motive of the other person and why did they wrong you. Did they do it to hurt or embarrass you or were they acting more out of cluelessness or weakness. Take a friend who reveals confidence, did she blurt out your indiscretion because she had one too many appletinis? Or did she do it intentionally to stir up some drama?
Nobody wants to get hurt but sometimes it just happens. You have to learn to get past the hurt and move forward if you want to continue to be friends.

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