Love for One or Love for All?

3DMainBookWell, I guess that really is the question right? We’ve all seen movies like The Notebook or my all time favorite Titanic — even though it had a very sad ending nonetheless it’s a love story. Love is powerful so powerful that it really does affect your emotions from being really happy one moment to sad the next. It seems like each year the love I have for my husband gets stronger by the year, by the day, or better yet by the hour. See that’s the thing I personally love for one and then I love for all so there are no sides.

Let me explain. I have been in love since I was a teenage girl with my husband for a very long time. I have loved all my life. There’s a slight difference of course. I remember listening to those old soft jams late at night that made my heart melt. I’m what they call the hopeless romantic. I believe one can be happy if he/she is in love. I’m not saying that you can’t fall in love over and over again, I actually hear you can but there’s always that one special guy/girl that takes your breath away. Now the downfall is, just as much as you love them you could hate them just the same.

That’s where the power of love comes in many shapes of emotions. You know how one day you’re in a really good mood but then one little thing could turn your smile into a frown? Love works just the same. Think about that night you got so angry at your spouse, or boyfriend, girlfriend, etc and you said the most meanest thing ever. Whoa now, how could you say you love that person so much but yet you hit it, right where it hurts. Well, there it goes again the shapes of emotions. Some days you will feel head over heals and other days you’d actually feel sad or distant but that doesn’t mean that you’re not in love anymore.

111378Now when you love for all you’re loving everything about your life. Your family, your friends, your accomplishments, your favorite TV show, etc. But just like being in love you will go through the shapes of emotions and some day you may hate those things. Love isn’t something you just say and go on about your day. Say it to yourself one evening while sipping on your favorite beverage and watch how it just rolls out of your tongue and the feeling you get when you say it. Everyone wants to be loved, and be in love as well. The point is, there are going to be days where you want to give up and sadly throw it all away.

But you should never take advantage of the power of love because love is a part of life. I don’t know maybe one day you decide to give up because your ego got in the way or you’ve fallen in love with someone else. Or sadly maybe the other half fell out of love with you — hey it happens. You just have to continue living life and loving all around you because without love you may be lost. Remember this saying by Alfred Lord Tennyson:

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
In the meantime, we need to hear your comments.  For now,  keep bloggin and I’ll see you at the TOP!!!

Love and Marriage – Get the Marriage Help You Need by Seeing the Big Picture

Single red rose flowerWe want things. We don’t want to wait. We want it all now.

This short article is about making a marriage or committed relationship work over the long haul, and shows you how to satisfy the relationship needs of the moment.

Recently someone told me he wanted “the world’s greatest marriage . . . right now!”

I told the young man he couldn’t possibly have the world’s greatest relationship right now, but he could develop a world-class relationship in time . . . if he and his spouse were willing to make the effort.

Yes, you can have fast food any time you want — just drive to your local Wendy’s or KFC and fork over a little cash. What you’ll get is no gourmet meal, but it may taste okay.

It’s the same with relationships. They can be pretty darn exciting in the early days of infatuation, and work pretty well . . .but only after many years can they reach their zenith.

1. It takes time for two people to get to know each other really, really well.

2. It takes time to learn how to conduct a relationship well.

3. It takes time for each partner to grow and mature, for each to become his or her best.

4. It takes time for a couple to overcome certain problems or barriers they may face… barriers that stand in the way of relationship success.

Only in time can we develop staunch wisdom and great inner strength . . . the wisdom and strength needed for us to see the big picture in our relationships. And to find the marriage help we need within ourselves. In many cases, this maturation process takes decades!

Yes, we lose our youthful beauty . . . in time. Yes, we all grow old. Yet marriage can get better and better each and every year if we keep our focus and stay in it for the long haul.

DesiremeHow To Make Your Marriage Last

The young, sexy body our culture prizes is not a person. It’s merely a fleeting phase of life. That’s why we should never marry for looks alone.

It is far smarter to marry a wonderful person, the person inside, not an appearance, which will only fade. So begin by making a good choice for a mate. Marry a real person, one you admire on the inside.

Someone who will only get better with time. Someone who will still be funny, interesting and profound when he or she is 90!

A beautiful person will always be beautiful. No matter what happens on the outside. It’s the inside that matters. Oh, he or she may retain their outer beauty for a long time, but it’s the inner beauty that really counts . . . and makes you happy.

Living with a strong, happy, caring individual who loves life and is always improving himself/herself is the only way to go! Put two such individuals together and you have a relationship with excellent potential.

How To Improve Your Marriage: Where To Start

Start with a vision. Your vision must take in the long-term aspects of your relationship. Try to see the marriage for what it can be in ten, twenty or fifty years! That’s not easy when you’re only beginning. But you can do it.

Talk about your long-term goals and plans for your relationship. Share your dreams. What are the likenesses and differences? Are your goals, hopes and dreams compatible? Be honest with yourselves and each other. Think! Don’t jump into a relationship with the first pretty person who comes along. Remember, that skin is not who the person really is.

Also, realize the path to relationship success and marital bliss is paved with mundane bricks. It’s the effort you make in the here-and-now that gets you to the promised land. Every day can’t be equally exciting and romantic. Every year won’t be the same. Your relationship will go through phases, good and hard times. There will be challenges (thank goodness, since it’s partly the challenges that makes us strong).

But you can get through it all and get some of the marriage help you need if you remember to keep your vision before you, if you can keep seeing the big picture. Remember that great marriages are always works in progress . . . works that require great spans of time, diligence and more patience than anyone wants.

Make Personal Sacrifices

Spouses who make personal sacrifices for the relationship will succeed. Sometimes you have to give up things for the good of the marriage. Your immediate wishes or needs may have to go, as you invest your time in sharing, saving, listening and compromising. Many marital problems can be solved when we remember to make sacrifices.

Example

One spouse may want to play in a softball league, but the hours of practice and long days spent in travel and tournament play are too draining. A better choice may be to spend that time with the young children and recreating as a family.

It’s a decision that will build love and romance, and strengthen the marriage and the family.

If you are focused on the moment only, and your present desire, you will shortchange the relationship. But if you remember to see the relationship as a long-term commitment, a work-in-progress, one that will take time to confer the greatest benefit, you will put the marriage first . . .and greatly enhance your marriage.

Decision Making Tip

Here’s a cool tip for making good decisions about your relationship: when trying to decide anything, always ask what eventual impact the decision will have on the long-term success of the marriage.

Another way to go about it is this . . . try being clear about three things:

1. How will your decision impact your partner?

2. How will it impact yourself?

3. How will it affect your relationship, both in the present and future?

When it comes to relationships, those daily, mundane decisions and acts of love are the stepping stones to the greatest happiness, and the loftiest paradise. They will help you to overcome many marriage problems. No, the mundane bricks may not always seem glamorous, exciting or trendy, but that’s okay. They form a solid path to marital bliss and success. If you sign up for the long haul, and persist in seeing the big picture . . . your relationship will succeed!

In the meantime, please send us your comments.  We’d love to hear what’s on your mind.  Before I go, I just wanted to ask if anyone has seen that cute commercial that comes on regarding the Swift Brush?  A box of samples are left on the couples door.  They are an elderly couple in their 90’s, can you believe it?   Anyway, you can tell they are in love.  It is a beautiful commercial that you must see.  You can also check it out on YouTube.  It is the most precious video I have ever seen…Until next time, keep bloggin….

Scott’s Link!

Love, Dating and Marriage

For one who has spent quite a number of years on the love, dating and marriage scene, I feel qualified to make certain bold statements. Without apology, it is quite clear that every normal human being desires to be happy. However, let the truth be told to those who care to listen that being married or being single has nothing to do with being happy. Deciding to get married because you are presently unhappy may open you up to a rude shock! Conversely, deciding to stay single because many marriages these days don’t last may leave you equally unfulfilled and unhappy. Being happy is a choice, remaining single is a choice and being married is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be the way you want to be. What you choose is what you become! It is this basic lack of understanding that has precipitated the numerous cries of “help save my marriage” that is noised all over the place these days.111474

The western world has the greatest number of relationship experts, counselors, books, and materials yet holds the record of having the highest divorce rate, most number of single parents, and a greater ratio of single women of marriageable age to married than at any other period in time. Furthermore, there is a consistent move away from the heterosexual relationship and an emphasis on same sex relationship/marriage.

In my extensive study and research on the internet, one cannot but wonder if the aim of these so-called experts giving advice in love relationship is to mislead the vulnerable, gullible and unsuspecting consumers of their products and services and sabotage their relationships. One of the tenets of capitalism is to find out what the consumers want, produce, sell and make a killing out of it. The direct consequence of this phenomenon on the relationship scene is that in order to produce best-sellers, experts have continued to churn out stuff that THE CONSUMERS WANT TO HEAR not the things they NEED TO HEAR!!! No wonder the high rate of relationship failure and a destruction of the marriage and family institutions. It is all a game of numbers, and bountiful sales lead to plenty dollars in the bank. It is this burden to make a positive difference in the lives of people and correct all the false psychological theories that birthed this article

Marriage comes with certain ENJOYMENTS that singles are not afforded. Marriage is an adventure that you are encouraged to explore. However, with the enjoyments come the responsibilities. Note that you may enjoy without being happy. You may enjoy the financial security that comes with being married or the sex, the status, the respect you are given for being a married woman/man, the joy of parenthood e.t.c.   No wonder some stay married despite the fact that they are not really happy. The reason is that there are some aspects of the relationship that they are enjoying and to them the benefit of staying married outweighs the divorce/single life option.

UNDERSTANDING THE RESPONSIBILITIES

The male man (man) and the female man (woman) are both human beings but with different roles. In a relationship, two is attempting to become one. They must thus understand that to operate as ONE TEAM each must understand and operate in its unique role. The male becomes the HEAD of the team while the female becomes the HEART of the team. The man is called to lead while the woman is called to help. The heart is the organ to love with while the head is the organ to think, reason and coordinate with. As the heart, it is easy for the woman to be tender and loving but she has to learn to yield, submit to the leadership of her man and to complement and not compete with him. As the head, it is easy for the man to lead and co-ordinate and take the initiative but he must learn to be tender and loving always responding to the heart deep advice and nudging of the woman. This is the perfect team! Anything other than this arrangement is CONFUSION!!

The woman in a relationship may be intelligent and richer than the man but she has to step aside and let him take charge because that is his calling. To illustrate this: Take for example a car. All the occupants of the car may know how to drive. But to get them to their mutual destination only one of them will have to drive. This is because there is only one driver seat. Others may give their opinion as to where and when to turn in order to get them to where they are going but the decision and the responsibility lie in the hands of the driver. That is the man’s role. The moment each person in the relationship understands that marriage comes with enjoyments as well as responsibilities and each person is willing to accept and carry out their responsibilities, true happiness will be the result. This I believe is the best relationship love advice that can be offered at such a difficult time on the relationships scene.

 

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you kid..  Scotts Link!!110889

3 Tips For Reigniting the Spark in Your Love Relationship Or Marriage

A comic wryly jokes about the pitfalls of being in a long-term relationship. He observes that the “adorable and still in love” elderly couple seen walking closely arm-in-arm in the park are actually merely leaning on one another so that they don’t fall down.

According to this comic, there is no such thing as passion in a relationship once you’ve been together for years and years– your body starts to go and you literally need one another just to get around.

This comedian’s jokes got laughs from his audience, but we simply do not agree.111474

When the spark goes out in your love relationship or marriage, it is no laughing matter.

When the spark goes out in your love relationship or marriage, it’s not inevitable either.

Julia looks with envy at her married friends. She has had several serious relationships, but none of them have been serious enough to take that step to get married.

Sometimes it’s the guy who seems unable to take their commitment to a deeper level. And sometimes it’s Julia who becomes bored or dissatisfied with her partner. She ends up breaking it off because she can’t envision herself spending the rest of her life with this man.

Still, Julia hopes that one day she will find the right guy and get married. She’d like to be in a long-term relationship that is filled with passion and stays that way. But she’s also a realist. She knows that isn’t what normally happens.

You might already be married or in a committed relationship. You might feel a lack of romance or passion with your partner but, just like Julia and the comic above, you believe that it’s natural and even unavoidable.

We’re here to help you question that belief. We’re here to tell you that you don’t have to settle for a spark-less relationship.

The excitement that you crave with your partner can be re-ignited, sustained and even expanded upon.

Here are 3 tips to get you started….

#1) Create an expectation that you and your mate will be connected and passionate as long as you are together.

Many people carry around the expectation that there is a “honeymoon” phase in every relationship (even those that don’t involve marriage) and, after that, it’s all downhill. You and your partner settle into sharing life together and there simply isn’t time or energy for passion.

If you look around, you might very well find that others in long-term relationships seem to go through this type of trajectory. As the couple gets to know one another, it’s all cards, flowers and romance. After a time, however, the flame dwindles and sometimes even dies out.

Part of the problem here is that people expect that after a certain number of years or after a particular age, you cannot share sensuality, red hot love or an enlivening closeness with one another– it seems nearly impossible.

If you hold such beliefs and expectations, we recommend that you think again. Ask yourself this: Is it true that every single couple who has ever been together has lost their spark at a certain point in their relationship?

If you put the question in that way, you’ll undoubtedly determine that you can’t know this with any certainty.

The truth is, there are scores of couples all across the globe who do enjoy that kind of passion. You might even know people who have created such a relationship.

And we’d bet that none of those couples hold an expectation that it is “natural” for the spark to go out.

The great news is this: You can change your expectations. It requires you become aware of the way you tend to think and believe. It also requires you to introduce new thoughts and beliefs into your consciousness.

#2) Find your inner spark and keep feeding your spirit.
Julia has begun to shift her expectations about passion in love relationships and especially marriages. She’s even found a few role model couples that have given her hope that excitement can stay alive in long-term relationships.

While Julia is currently single, she is finding ways to keep her own inner spark flourishing. She’s starting to realize that it’s not the responsibility of her future partner to keep her sense of spirit and spark strong– that’s her job– regardless of her relationship status.

Don’t focus on all of the ways that your partner seemingly fails to ignite a spark in your relationship. Instead, take responsibility for figuring out what helps your heart sing and what makes you feel grateful to be alive, walking around as the person you are.

When two people who are tending and feeding their own inner sparks come together in a relationship, the passion will grow even bigger!

Your spirit might feel nourished and fed as you engage in a hobby, volunteer activity or other activity. It might not be an activity, but a new way of thinking and caring for yourself that helps you to feel more alive.

Whatever works for you, find it and keep on doing it!

#3) Share that sense of passion with your mate.
Don’t worry that your partner will feel threatened as you take a pottery class, write poetry or even go off to play a round of golf.

You can set an example for him or her by making yourself responsible for keeping your inner spark alive. You will also most likely come to interactions with our mate feeling more satisfied, open and relaxed.

But don’t cut out your mate either.

Find ways to share the sense of passion that you feel when you do whatever it is that you do that helps to nourish your spirit.

Even if your partner has no interest in the pottery, the poetry or the golf, he or she can still join in with you. Perhaps your excitement about what you do is similar to his or her excitement about another activity.

Stay open and focus mainly on how much more alive you each feel when you’re tending to your own inner sparks. Honor one another and look for places where your possibly different interests overlap and come together.

Celebrate this and allow connection as both of your passionate feelings converge.

You’re never too old and it’s never too late to re-ignite the spark. Do it for your relationship and do it for yourself.

And that’s all I have to say about that.  Tell us what you think.  We’d love to hear your comments.

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you….  Scotts Link!

Real Love Versus the Fake Stuff

Do you know the difference between real and fake love?

Just like any counterfeit object or characteristic, it can be tricky to know and identify the real from the fake. Sometimes, even experts can’t tell what is genuine and what is not. The fake stuff resembles the real thing in many aspects. The facade can look exactly like the true article. Hollywood sets with their cardboard exteriors are good examples of that. So when it comes to falling in love, if the object of your affection looks good, sounds reasonable, and seems to feel the same way you do, you may not get it that he or she is not what you think they are. What are the defining characteristics that can signal to you what is real and what is fake? What are the warning signs you need to heed? Essentially, the fake love fades away as soon as the chemistry wears off. But love endures, showing up in the actions and deeds of the two people.

Here are the signs of fake love:111442

1. Time

Fake love, which is chemistry only, lasts anywhere from three weeks to a year and a half and then disappears. Real love loses the immediacy of the chemical rush, but retains chemistry while it grows deeper and calmer. The onset of both kinds of love is marked by obsession. For a period of time, the two people in love cannot think about anything but the other one. They may lose weight, lose sleep, and lose all concept of time. Nothing else exists for them except the other person. When this chemical high wears off, the true picture of the person emerges for them. All of the above involves…time.

2. Projection

Fake love, based primarily on physical intimacy, is what two people assume about each other.  They can’t see future problems. Idealized qualities, lives built on fantasy, and a perfect life together dominates their thoughts. Each one insists that the other one is the greatest person they have ever met. The problem is, they haven’t really MET each other yet. They are relating to their idealized version. When this cyclone of projection ends and the dust settles, the true person emerges. Then they can decide if they are right for each other.

3. Fairy Tales

Counterfeit love feeds off of the stuff of fairy tales. The women in the story want Prince Charming. They will have riches, happiness, love, and all dreams come true. The man in the story, who feels like a frog and may even look like one, is kissed by the princess. He miraculously turns into a handsome, dashing Prince. When two people get together and fall into the chemical cocktail, they unconsciously can fall into this stylized story. Only when the chemicals wear off do they actually see each other. They may like each other, in which case, real love may develop. Or- the chemicals become toxic, the guy goes back to being a frog, and she looks for another prince.

4. The Future

When two people meet and fall into chemistry, they may begin to plan their future together within weeks. Their “real” selves are not talking to each other here – it’s their spiced, fried, scrambled brain that can’t be trusted to make clear decisions. What does REAL love look like? It is able to get past the chemistry phase and into real-time. Fake love involves conflict, drama, and pain, once the chemistry wears off. Real love evolves into service, thought, care, and sincere emotions for the other. Real love is shown in loving acts – over and over – with no one keeping score. Real love responds to the needs of the other, flowing effortlessly from one day to the next.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

We would love to hear your comments, just tell us what you think.  and  while you’re at it, check out these sites.  There are all kinds of solutions for Matters of the Heart.

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For a little passion:  http://designsintuition.com/passion ..this site will blow your mind. Until then, here’s bloggin at you kid!!!! Scotts Link!!

The Importance of Dating Before Marriage..Should You or Should You Not?

DesiremeDating before marriage is essential. It helps an individual make the decision whether they want to live with the other person for the rest of their life or not. Dating before marriage is usually referred to as courtship, because the relationship has passed the stage of just getting to know each other, but tailoring it towards marriage. The debate surrounding dating and marriage has been in existence for a while now, with some people advocating for it, and others against it all together. Nevertheless, going on dates that leads to marriage or not is still common. This indicates that it is still relevant for a majority of people. When planning to get married, there are a variety of reasons why dating before marriage is necessary and they include: First, dating before marriage helps you understand your partner better so that you can be able to get along with minimal conflict. The merging of two people from diverse backgrounds is likely to bring with it a lot of ups and downs, so it is better to go through the struggles before marriage, to know if you can cope with them before marriage. Second, when dating with the main goal being to get married, it helps the couple focus on what they should expect in marriage. This focus will help you evaluate whether you are ready for marriage or not, and the responsibilities that come with it. There are some couples that have realized while dating before marriage, that they are not compatible with each other and have ended the relationship before getting married. Third, understanding each other’s likes as well as dislikes are most likely to be discovered when dating before marriage. The more you understand your partner, the more likely you will be able to get along even better within the marriage. It is during this courtship period that you get to know what you can handle, and characteristics that you will not be able to live with. Fourth, future plans and ambitions of a couple are discovered when dating before marriage as they discuss different aspects of their lives. Most of the time, the plans and even ambitions of each partner may differ because they are living individual lives. However, as the courtship progresses it is important to be aware of the possibility of harmonizing future plans, so that you have the same focus. Fifth, dating before marriage strengthens a relationship because of the various life situations that the couple has to go through together as they prepare for marriage. It is in these life situations that you see your partner for who they are, and their ability to handle different situations that may also arise in marriage. However, for some couples, these situations open up their eyes to the realities of the life they are likely to live in marriage and they choose to opt out. Results of not dating before marriage Even with the importance of dating before marriage being emphasized in different types of publications, and married people, there are still couples that decide to forgo dating and just get married. The most obvious result of not getting to know each other before marriage is divorce. Many people who are divorced now, are likely to not have dated before making a decision to get married, and found that they are unable to handle the responsibilities of marriage or to live with the person they married. Another result of not dating before walking down the aisle is that you are not aware of the goal of the marriage. Lack of focus on where the marriage is heading is likely to bring about conflict because everyone has their own life that they want to live within the marriage. A marriage that does not have a common goal is likely to disintegrate at the first sign of trouble. In addition, friendship in dating is developed over time, and this cannot be done without courtship between two people. Friendship is important in a marriage because there are times when the feelings of love will not be there, but because you are friends, there are other points of connection. Overall, dating before marriage is important and should not be neglected if a marriage is to have a chance of survival.

And that’s really all I have to say about that.  We’d love to hear your comments.  Tell us what you think.  You Could win a FREE IPAD  check out:  http://scottlnkdesign.com or go to:  http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website
For more excitement go to:  http://designsintuition.com/passion for more than you can handle.  Until the next time.  Keep Bloggin…….Scotts Link!

7 Rules in the Dating Game

410133It is a well considered opinion that the best approach to dating is to see it as a game. All games have rules. From the traditional to the professional games of all shades and colours, rules are at the base of its enjoyment. The dating game is not left out. In fact, knowing the dating game rules and playing by it is a sine quo non for success in dating. These dating rules are applicable throughout the season of dating and beyond and would be helpful in sustaining the courtship and marriage relationships that could flow from a dating relationship. It applies to younger people who are dating for the purpose of socialization as well as the older people who are dating for the purpose of marriage. These rules also apply to relationships unrelated to dating, courtship and marriage. Learned and applied on other facets of life, these rules would give one the advantage in situations where dealing with other people are involved.

Rule 1: Independence and Sense of Self-worth

Your primary concern in any relationship – regardless of what kind of relationship it is – is to be yourself. This means that you need to know what you want from life and the relationship. You need to love and respect yourself. You need to know that you are an individual with potential for the best in life and not be prepared to settle for less. You might ask yourself these questions before you take up the dating bull by its horns – Who do I think that I am? What do I want from this relationship? Where are my moral boundaries? How much do I love myself? It would be a great idea to measure your self-esteem and self-confidence levels and ascertain that you are absolutely sure that you could not be confused by veiled seductive signals from the opposite sex.

Rule 2: Be prepared to create and have fun

The base purpose of all games is to create and have fun. There is no reason the dating game should be otherwise. When we try to make other people happy, we are happy ourselves. So, this is a rule you can derive its dual benefits with one act. The law of reciprocity comes to play here. If you give, you receive, most times double or ten times over. The next time, therefore, you have a date coming, remember this rule and get prepared in your mind on those things you can do to create fun for your partner so that you can also have fun. The success of any dating effort is rated by how much fun both partners had. If you deliberately plan and do make your date feel happy while you were out together, the better you feel yourself. It must be stated, though, that the fun spoken about here is not fornication – sexual intercourse.

Rule 3: Effective Communication

Effective communication is the bedrock of all relationships whether or not connected to affairs of the heart. Nowhere is this more critical than in the affairs of the heart. In fact, the dating and courtship period of every relationship is the time to learn and apply this rule so that one would be wise in it. In effective communication, you are not only just required to communicate well; you are required to help your partner to understand you. This could be a thorny challenge in life. Without effective communication, it would be difficult to find friendship, trust, respect, love, understanding, etc where the requisite building blocks of the foundation for joyful relationships are based. This is a critical rule. The Achilles’ heel to this rule is premarital sex. One of the ways to learn and apply this rule is to ask a lot of questions throughout the dating meeting.

Rule 4: Be Prepared To Discuss Differences

It is not all the time that your ability to communicate or obey rules would give you a smooth ride in a dating relationship. There are times that communication breaks down even between two people who may have thought that all is going well with their relationship. During those stormy seasons in a growing relationship, the ability to calmly discuss the differences is very helpful. Sometimes it is the only security for the relationship to continue. To be able to work through these rough waters of relationship, both partners should be willing to put all the cards on the table and discuss their differences with respect for each other’s boundaries and individuality.

Rule 5: Nurture Your Relationship

Every dating relationship and indeed all relationships, whether business, social, intimate and even the ultimate, marriage, need to be nurtured to keep going. Constant appreciation, value, consideration, reciprocity and thoughtfulness all help in showing each partner that he/she is cherished and valued and gives them a feeling that they have a place in your life. It must be stated though that these does not include sexual favors. In fact, premarital sex would harm the relationship badly.

Rule 6: Avoid Premarital Sex

There many reasons why you should avoid premarital sex. If that does not appeal to you, it would be wise to note that it is a breaking of the rule of the game of dating to have sexual intercourse during dating. The only time sexual intercourse is acceptable in human relationships is in lawful and legal wedlock. Premarital sex would take away the opportunity to build friendship and trust which are critical for the future development of the relationship to courtship and marriage. Premarital sex scuttles the ability of couples to learn and apply effective communication.

Rule 7: Ask The Most Important Questions On The First Date

This is critical especially if you are dating for the purpose of marriage. Some people believe it would have been better if the critical questions like family finance, how many children, extended family, demographics, sex, religion, etc, should be asked after the dating relationship has advanced far and may be into courtship. On the contrary, it best to trash the thorny issues first. If for example you are dating for marriage, is there any reason to waste several months with a man or woman whose financial plan, religion, demographics, number of children, sex and extended family ideas are at variance with yours. You can trash these issues on the first date and that would help you know whether you should see the person again.

New Rules to the Dating Game

404607 There are new rules to the dating game and you have to be ready to play.  Things have changed.  Age is just a number to most of us.  If we meet someone and the rhythm clicks, then it’s a go. The most important thing to remember now is that it’s your time to be happy.  You’ve spent most of your life giving to others so now it is time to give back to yourself. So what do you do?  What is your first approach?  There are tons of dating services, they all seemed to be ranked the same. It’s very hard to pick up the phone and say, I need a date because you don’t know what’s on the other end and you have to be careful what you wish for.  You might just get it.  So are you ready?  What has brought you to this point?  You’re 55 years old and you woke up one day to find that your husband of 30 years has walked out on you for a younger women.  It was so devastating but you’ve managed to get pass that.  You let yourself go for a while because nothing seemed to matter.  You thought that the man you married would be the one and only man in your life.  He’s the only man in the world that knows everything about you.  He knows how you laugh, how you cry, your touch, your smell.  He knows everything about you.  Your most intimate secrets so how do you start all over again getting to know a stranger.  There are so many good qualities in my ex that I could never replace.  So I don’t know if I can even look at another man.  Let alone him putting his rod in me which I’m sure he will expect to happen sooner or later.  I really don’t know how to handle this dating thing.  I pray that God will give me the strength to start over.  I don’t want to be lonely.  I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to reach over and find my bed cold and empty.  What do I do?  I could just stop and live the rest of my life as a lonely old woman or I could put the past behind me and go on living.  I wished I knew what to do.  I thought that my husband would love me forever.  I didn’t see this coming.  I can’t turn back time but I can wash away a little gray, buy some sexy underwear.  Start taking better care of my body.  The main thing is, I want to feel good about myself for me.  If by chance I do run into someone who is kind and makes me laugh maybe we’ll sit down and have a meaningful conversation.  Then we’ll go from there.  I wonder how many women are facing the same thing I’m facing right now.   What will be the downfall of my life?  There so many things that I have to deal with now, the hot flashes, the night sweats, the irritable mood swings and being alone.  But for now I’m going to get ready for the dating game and checkout what’s available.  When I find something I’ll let you know.  And that’s all I have to say about that.  So what are your comments?  Are you ready for the dating game?  Send me your comments.  We’d love to hear what you have to say.  Maybe we can help each other.  So let’s talk…In the meantime, keep blogging.  Hey check out these sites.  On one of them, they’re giving away a free IPAD just for joining their group so check out the links to find the one.

Later

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Secondhand Health Hazards

111417Just being in close proximity to these four unhealthy habits can make you sick. Here’s, what to watch out for-and how to protect yourself. By now, you know to avoid a roommate who smokes lest her carcinogenic cloud take you down. But you might not know how to avoid shacking up with a snorer. Here’s why you should think twice: Recent research shows that a slew of health problems and their side effects can be transferred from one person to another, according to the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity-meaning that friends’ or relatives’ medical issues, or their disregard for their own well-being, can rub off on you!

Below I’ve listed a few of the ways surprising unhealthy behaviors can spread:

Stress
If you have a coworker with a bad case of desk rage, you might unknowingly pick up and internalize – her tension, says Benjamin Karney, PhD, a professor of social psychology at UCLA. The same goes for a partner who off loads his stress. When that happens, says Karney, you may not have the emotional resources to help, and you could end up just irritating each other and increasing both of your stress levels.” Research shows that transmitted stress makes for less-satisfying relationships, but more important, it can lead to spikes in blood pressure and heart rate, says TraceyA. Revenson, Ph.D., a psychology professor” at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. Catching a case of chronic stress can put you at risk for insomnia, muscle tension, and eventually cardiac illness.

Snoring
Your body needs a full night’s rest to mend damaged cells, consolidate memories, and recharge the immune system, says James Wyatt, Ph.D., Director of the Sleep Disorders Service and Research Center of Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. And it’s hard to get that when your man is sawing more logs than a lumberjack. One-quarter people who a bed with a snorer lose 49 minutes of sleep per night, on average-and alarmingly, just one night’s sleep can have a detrimental effect, says Wyatt. The irritability, headaches, and impaired coordination could put you at risk for accidents (including ones that go beyond clumsy toe stubs, such as falling asleep at the wheel).

Weight Gain

You’ve heard of love chub, but chum chub might be much worse for you. While having an obese husband ups your own risk for obesity by 37 percent, having a hefty friend increases your chances of tipping the scale by 57 percent, according to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine. Basically, people tend to eat how and what their friends eat, says study coauthor James Fowlet, Ph.D., of the University of California at San Diego. “Our social networks help us develop our ideas about what body sizes and eating behaviors are appropriate,” he explains. Which doesn’t mean you should give your heavier friends the heave-ho. Not only are there important benefits to maintaining strong friendships (studies show supportive relationships can add years to your life), but you can also help each other get back on track. Try starting a healthy-weight buddy system by swapping recipe ideas and pairing up for workouts.

Depression

You’ve probably heard the commercial: Depression hurts. But now it’s known that the pain extends beyond the person wrestling with the condition. Being in a relationship with a depressed person can make you at least 25 percent more likely to also become depressed, says clinical psychologist Michael Yapko, Ph.D. author of Depression Is Contagious.

“Women tend to feel more responsible than men and think, if I were a better partner, he’d be happier,” says Yapko, and such self-criticism can lead to headaches, stress and anxiety. What’s more, depressed men may become irritable or try to cope by resorting to substance abuse or infidelity-all of which can wreak havoc on your own well-being, say Andrea K. Wittenborn, Ph.D., an assistant professor of human development at Virginia Tech.

Couples’ cognitive behavioral therapy, in which partners talk through their problematic behavior and learn skills to help reduce obsessions and compulsions, might be effective at treating both OCD and its secondhand health effects. If your partner refuses to get help, you still should be sure to seek out a support group or therapist for yourself, says Dr. Szymanski. The goal is to come up with coping strategies and ways to clearly show your man that it’s not him, but his disorder, that you’re fighting. And that’s all I have to say about that. So tell us, how you feel. What health hazards do you see in your relationship? We’d love to hear your comments.

In the meantime, Blogging is forever. See you next time and don’t forget to check out our blogs.

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Later …Scotts Link!

Welcome To Menopause..The Next Chapter of My Life

Welcome to Menopause.  The Next Chapter of My Life

Today is Monday and I crawl out of bed.  I ask myself, what will today bring.  I didn’t sleep well at all last night.  I don’t care what they say, getting older does not mean getting better.  I feel my body changing and even though I don’t want to admit it, I see it in my eyes.  I think the night sweats are horrible.  My body feels like a thermostat hot and cold all at once.  It’s so horrible and the worst part is trying to explain it to my husband.  He probably thinks I’m crazy but I pray every day that God will help him understand.  I believe that things will get better, my doctor calls it menopause.

So I have to make some decisions in my life and decide where to go from here.  It once seemed like such a simple solution to the inevitable discomforts of menopause; hormone replacement.  A pill a day could cool your hot flashes, while reducing your risk of heart disease, breast cancer, osteoporosis, and memory problems and even keep you looking young and feeling sexy.  For decades, doctors confidently recommended hormone therapy to women, making it sound sensible, modern, and harmless.

But the pretty party came to a shocking end in July 2002, when the Women’s Health Initiative released its initial results, finding that synthetic estrogen and progesterone actually brought higher risks of heart attacks, strokes, and breast cancer.

Women jettisoned their hormones en masse, but the dream did not die.  Now, on the 10th anniversary of WHI, many doctors are reevaluating the landscape.  Low-dose hormones, they say, can be used responsibly by most women with debilitating symptoms if taken for a few years at the time of menopause.  But hormones have FDA approval for just four uses:  Hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, and the prevention of osteoporosis.  And they’re not even the best solution for osteoporosis, since bone loss resumes once you stop taking them.

Yes and entire industry has sprung up to promote hormones as veritable time-travel pills to transport women back to their supple sexy youth, complete with sounder sleep, sharper memory, smoother skin, steadier mood, and a sleeker silhouette.  Some women do report feeling better on hormone therapy, but the scientific evidence for most of these benefits is meager.  And in any case, doctors do not endorse open-ended use of hormones.

So what’s a menopausal women to do?  The alternative remedies outlined below may not be perfect, but they can offer substantial relief-without the side effects of hormones.  “The anti-aging medicine people want you to spend all your time trying not to get older”: says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of The Wisdom of Menopause.  Instead, she advises, focus on living well.  “Once you recover from the self-talk that you’re too old, the whole ball game changes,” she says.  “To me, 50 is the beginning of where life gets interesting – in a really good way.

Number 1…Lace Up Your Workout Shoes

Promotes bone strength, heart health, smoother skin, higher energy, reduces hot flashes.111453

Number 2…Eat Mediterranean

Promotes hearth health, better mood; reduces hot flashes.Number 3…Find Joy in Soy

Reduces hot flashes

Number 4…Seek Herbal Relief

Promotes better mood

Number 5…Get The Point of Acupuncture

Reduces stress, anxiety, pain, hot flashes

Number 6…Breathe Deep

Reduces stress, blood pressure, hot flashes

Number 7…Just Say Om

Promotes better mood, hearth health, balance, flexibility, reduces hot flashes.

These are just a few to work on.  And don’t feel like you’re all alone because there are plenty of us right there with you.  Ladies, if you haven’t crossed this line, don’t worry, your time will come.  If you haven’t started to feel any of the symptoms yet, don’t worry, you’ll get there.  On day you’ll wake up and all of your night clothes will be wet and you’ll ask yourself, did it rain in my bed and no one told me (smile).  Or you’ll be standing in line at the supermarket and all of a sudden, it feels like someone lit a fire under your feet and its moving toward your head.  Again, don’t worry, just say, welcome to Menopause.  And thats all I have to say about that until the next time.  We’d love to hear your comments.  Have you reached that magic number where you’re feeling like you’re losing your mind?  Send us your comments, please, we’d love to hear from you.

Until the next time…Here’s Bloggin at you kid.

Yours Truly,

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