Love, Dating and Marriage

For one who has spent quite a number of years on the love, dating and marriage scene, I feel qualified to make certain bold statements. Without apology, it is quite clear that every normal human being desires to be happy. However, let the truth be told to those who care to listen that being married or being single has nothing to do with being happy. Deciding to get married because you are presently unhappy may open you up to a rude shock! Conversely, deciding to stay single because many marriages these days don’t last may leave you equally unfulfilled and unhappy. Being happy is a choice, remaining single is a choice and being married is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be the way you want to be. What you choose is what you become! It is this basic lack of understanding that has precipitated the numerous cries of “help save my marriage” that is noised all over the place these days.111474

The western world has the greatest number of relationship experts, counselors, books, and materials yet holds the record of having the highest divorce rate, most number of single parents, and a greater ratio of single women of marriageable age to married than at any other period in time. Furthermore, there is a consistent move away from the heterosexual relationship and an emphasis on same sex relationship/marriage.

In my extensive study and research on the internet, one cannot but wonder if the aim of these so-called experts giving advice in love relationship is to mislead the vulnerable, gullible and unsuspecting consumers of their products and services and sabotage their relationships. One of the tenets of capitalism is to find out what the consumers want, produce, sell and make a killing out of it. The direct consequence of this phenomenon on the relationship scene is that in order to produce best-sellers, experts have continued to churn out stuff that THE CONSUMERS WANT TO HEAR not the things they NEED TO HEAR!!! No wonder the high rate of relationship failure and a destruction of the marriage and family institutions. It is all a game of numbers, and bountiful sales lead to plenty dollars in the bank. It is this burden to make a positive difference in the lives of people and correct all the false psychological theories that birthed this article

Marriage comes with certain ENJOYMENTS that singles are not afforded. Marriage is an adventure that you are encouraged to explore. However, with the enjoyments come the responsibilities. Note that you may enjoy without being happy. You may enjoy the financial security that comes with being married or the sex, the status, the respect you are given for being a married woman/man, the joy of parenthood e.t.c.   No wonder some stay married despite the fact that they are not really happy. The reason is that there are some aspects of the relationship that they are enjoying and to them the benefit of staying married outweighs the divorce/single life option.

UNDERSTANDING THE RESPONSIBILITIES

The male man (man) and the female man (woman) are both human beings but with different roles. In a relationship, two is attempting to become one. They must thus understand that to operate as ONE TEAM each must understand and operate in its unique role. The male becomes the HEAD of the team while the female becomes the HEART of the team. The man is called to lead while the woman is called to help. The heart is the organ to love with while the head is the organ to think, reason and coordinate with. As the heart, it is easy for the woman to be tender and loving but she has to learn to yield, submit to the leadership of her man and to complement and not compete with him. As the head, it is easy for the man to lead and co-ordinate and take the initiative but he must learn to be tender and loving always responding to the heart deep advice and nudging of the woman. This is the perfect team! Anything other than this arrangement is CONFUSION!!

The woman in a relationship may be intelligent and richer than the man but she has to step aside and let him take charge because that is his calling. To illustrate this: Take for example a car. All the occupants of the car may know how to drive. But to get them to their mutual destination only one of them will have to drive. This is because there is only one driver seat. Others may give their opinion as to where and when to turn in order to get them to where they are going but the decision and the responsibility lie in the hands of the driver. That is the man’s role. The moment each person in the relationship understands that marriage comes with enjoyments as well as responsibilities and each person is willing to accept and carry out their responsibilities, true happiness will be the result. This I believe is the best relationship love advice that can be offered at such a difficult time on the relationships scene.

 

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you kid..  Scotts Link!!110889

Fix Your Sexless Marriage – Live a Life With Passion

Is it possible to fix your sexless marriage? I think so. I see couples that are very happy with their relationships and some of them are well into their 80′s. You have to want the passion to be there and you have to work at it to keep it there. As women, we start to doubt ourselves. We wake up one day and look in the mirror and start to think it’s all over. You have to face the fact that time moves and our bodies move with time. You don’t have to give up on passion because you’ve reached the 50 mark. There are ways to embrace the change that will benefit the both of you. I read an article recently that states according to a recent survey, about 15% of couples live in what is defined as a sexless marriage, meaning that they have sex 10 times a year or less. This means that what once was considered a taboo topic cannot remain one for long. This problem has gotten too big for it to remain so secretive.111350

The worse thing about sexless marriages is that most people are too ashamed that this has happened to them to take any action. They simply give up on love and passion and do nothing to mend their relationship. It does not have to be this way. You can make your sex life young and exciting. I for one, do not want to grow old and lifeless. When he touches me, I want to feel the fire. You have to be able to talk about the subject. Tell your mate what feels good to you. Don’t pull away when he trys to kiss you, or when he or she trys to hold your hand. This is wrong. You can’t give up on love. There’s a great chance that you can fix your sexless marriage if you decide to. It depends on how much effort you’re willing to put into your marriage and how open you are to new ideas and the fact that this is a problem which has to be treated for you to be happy.

In all likelihood, your marriage didn’t become sexless due to a lack of love. You and your partner likely still love each other but over the years something has wilted between you. It happens to a lot of couples and you can revive the passion.

The first thing you need to do is to believe it’s possible to fix your sexless marriage. The second thing is to take a long look at your life and see where you can take steps to improve the interaction between you and your spouse.

The third thing is to make your life more exciting and fun. The fourth is to spend high quality time together as a couple. The fifth is to be able to accept temporary rejection and slowly rebuild the intimacy you lost.

It can be done and it’s in your hands. Never give up on love.  Please send us your comments.

We’d love to hear what’s on your mind.

In the meantime, keep bloggin and I’ll see you at the top!!!

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The Importance of Dating Before Marriage..Should You or Should You Not?

DesiremeDating before marriage is essential. It helps an individual make the decision whether they want to live with the other person for the rest of their life or not. Dating before marriage is usually referred to as courtship, because the relationship has passed the stage of just getting to know each other, but tailoring it towards marriage. The debate surrounding dating and marriage has been in existence for a while now, with some people advocating for it, and others against it all together. Nevertheless, going on dates that leads to marriage or not is still common. This indicates that it is still relevant for a majority of people. When planning to get married, there are a variety of reasons why dating before marriage is necessary and they include: First, dating before marriage helps you understand your partner better so that you can be able to get along with minimal conflict. The merging of two people from diverse backgrounds is likely to bring with it a lot of ups and downs, so it is better to go through the struggles before marriage, to know if you can cope with them before marriage. Second, when dating with the main goal being to get married, it helps the couple focus on what they should expect in marriage. This focus will help you evaluate whether you are ready for marriage or not, and the responsibilities that come with it. There are some couples that have realized while dating before marriage, that they are not compatible with each other and have ended the relationship before getting married. Third, understanding each other’s likes as well as dislikes are most likely to be discovered when dating before marriage. The more you understand your partner, the more likely you will be able to get along even better within the marriage. It is during this courtship period that you get to know what you can handle, and characteristics that you will not be able to live with. Fourth, future plans and ambitions of a couple are discovered when dating before marriage as they discuss different aspects of their lives. Most of the time, the plans and even ambitions of each partner may differ because they are living individual lives. However, as the courtship progresses it is important to be aware of the possibility of harmonizing future plans, so that you have the same focus. Fifth, dating before marriage strengthens a relationship because of the various life situations that the couple has to go through together as they prepare for marriage. It is in these life situations that you see your partner for who they are, and their ability to handle different situations that may also arise in marriage. However, for some couples, these situations open up their eyes to the realities of the life they are likely to live in marriage and they choose to opt out. Results of not dating before marriage Even with the importance of dating before marriage being emphasized in different types of publications, and married people, there are still couples that decide to forgo dating and just get married. The most obvious result of not getting to know each other before marriage is divorce. Many people who are divorced now, are likely to not have dated before making a decision to get married, and found that they are unable to handle the responsibilities of marriage or to live with the person they married. Another result of not dating before walking down the aisle is that you are not aware of the goal of the marriage. Lack of focus on where the marriage is heading is likely to bring about conflict because everyone has their own life that they want to live within the marriage. A marriage that does not have a common goal is likely to disintegrate at the first sign of trouble. In addition, friendship in dating is developed over time, and this cannot be done without courtship between two people. Friendship is important in a marriage because there are times when the feelings of love will not be there, but because you are friends, there are other points of connection. Overall, dating before marriage is important and should not be neglected if a marriage is to have a chance of survival.

And that’s really all I have to say about that.  We’d love to hear your comments.  Tell us what you think.  You Could win a FREE IPAD  check out:  http://scottlnkdesign.com or go to:  http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website
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Don’t Judge Me /Part I

The End of Alice book cover


As women, how do you feel about the number of men you’ve slept with?  Do you consider yourself a slut? Do you keep a list to remind yourself that you might just have promiscuous habits?  When you’re in your teens having sex seems to be labeled as just something to do.  It’s nothing to sleep with Mitch on Monday, Sam on Tuesday, Jack on Wednesday and so on and so on.  We don’t even think about it, we just do it.  We wonder, why is it a guy can brag about the number of women he’s slept with and it won’t hurt his standing but for a woman it’s taboo.

Enter Alice J. – A 33 year old female who is very attractive who has never had a problem turning a man’s head.  She has everything going for her.  She has a man in her life that is loving, warm and caring and who wants to spend the rest of his life with her.  Today Alice was on the top of the world.  She’s planning her wedding for September.  She thought that she had everything in place.  Her doctor’s office left a message on her machine letting her know that it’s urgent that she come in.  She’s thinking, what could it be?  I’m not sick or anything and I just had my yearly checkup.  But, I guess I’d better go in and put my mind at ease. 

9:00 am Thursday, arriving at doctor’s office.  After meeting with doctor, Alice is shaken, she doesn’t know what to do.  She’s just found out that she has the HIV virus.  How can this be?  I’ve only been with my boyfriend for the past 2 years so how could I have aids.  The doctor looks at her and says, you’ll have to tell him, he has to know.  He will also have to be tested.  Oh no, Alice felt a sick feeling come all over her.  She just wanted to die.  How could this be happening, I’m getting married in September.  I’ve already sent out the invitations and Jeffery’s parents are flying in from Rome.  Doctor, could there be a mistake, are you 100% sure that I’ve got the disease.  Yes, the doctor replied and we’ve got to get everyone that you and your mate has come in contact with over the past 5 years.

You need to go home Alice and let Jeffery know that he needs to get tested also and we need a list of your sexual partners that you had in the past.  Do you understand?  Alice, replied, Yes, I understand.  So she went home to face Jeffery.  On the way home from the doctor’s office, she’s thinking, Dear God, how will I tell him.  What will happen, will he leave me or will he want to work this out.  Do we call off the wedding after sending out all those invitations?  I just don’t know what to do.  I’ve got to pull myself together and think.  What do I do?

Tell Us:  What should she do?  She has wedding plans for September and her parents have put a ton of money into this event, so should she come clean? Would you hide the secret?  Your comments are welcomed.  Tune in tomorrow for Part 2 when Alice tells Jeffery.  Until the next time.  Keep Bloggin for me and while you’re at it, check out my blog at http://scottlnkdesign.com .

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My Wants/Your Needs

What does your mate want from you? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that one simple question, what does my mate want from me? Are we really right for each other or is there a hidden agenda that I’m not aware of. Have you ever wondered how does a relationship last for over 30 years? What is the key to an everlasting relationship? I myself wanted to know the answers to these questions so l decided to do some research. I met a lady on the bus, her name was Marian. I could tell she was somewhat stressed and seemed to be in hurry. I managed to get her to warm up to me and she started to talk. She told me she was 63 years old and had 7 children who were all grown and long gone. Now, it was her and her husband. She called him, Henry. I said to her, so Marian since you have no kids at home and you and your husband are finally alone, what Is your exciting highlite of the day. You must go out a lot since it’s just the two of you right? She looked at me with saddened eyes and said no. I have to get home and prepare dinner before he gets home because if I don’t have it ready, he’ll be angry and he won’t speak to me for a week or maybe longer. I said, a week. You mean to tell me that if you don’t have your husband’s dinner on the table when he walks in the door, he’ll punish you by not speaking to you for a whole week. I couldn’t believe it. I was dumbfounded. The nerve of him. She replied by saying, its ok, I must deserve it. He works hard and he’s a good provider so the least I can do is have his dinner on the table when he gets home. I asked Marian, do you drive? Oh my josh no, Henry doesn’t feel it’s important for me to drive. I take the bus everywhere I go. It cuts down on the expense of owning two cars. I thought to myself, why does this story sound so unreal, so I decided to dig a little deeper. So Marian, I asked, what time is dinner. It’s usually at 7:00 pm, she replied. Unless Henry has to work overtime, when in that case, he may not make it home at all. Then I’ll see him the following day. Oh, I see. I guess he calls to let you know when he’s not coming home. No, she replied. We don’t have a phone. Henry feels that it’s evil to have a telephone. If there’s a way for Satan to destroy your relationship, the telephone is at the top of the list. But suppose there’s an emergency, how would you call someone. My neighbor Lucara has a phone and she says I’m always welcome to use it. Wow! You guys really have a magnificent relationship don’t you. Marian replied, yes, we do. Henry and I’ve been married for over 47 years. I’ve never cheated on him and I’ve never even had the desire to. He’s good to me. So, I have to ask myself, it that all it takes. She spoke so highly of a man that she’s been married to for over 47 years that sounds like to me, he’s very controlling, probably has a mistress on the side and thinks of her as more of a pet than a wife. But who am I to judge. Nobody wants to be alone, but how much do we have to sacrifice to have a so called relationship.
So tell me friends, what’s your opinion on this? Would you give up yourself to have a mate? Are you so afraid of being alone that you’ll settle for anything? If you’re that lonely, how about some volunteer work, this would keep you busy. Tell us what you think.
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