Love and Marriage – Get the Marriage Help You Need by Seeing the Big Picture

Single red rose flowerWe want things. We don’t want to wait. We want it all now.

This short article is about making a marriage or committed relationship work over the long haul, and shows you how to satisfy the relationship needs of the moment.

Recently someone told me he wanted “the world’s greatest marriage . . . right now!”

I told the young man he couldn’t possibly have the world’s greatest relationship right now, but he could develop a world-class relationship in time . . . if he and his spouse were willing to make the effort.

Yes, you can have fast food any time you want — just drive to your local Wendy’s or KFC and fork over a little cash. What you’ll get is no gourmet meal, but it may taste okay.

It’s the same with relationships. They can be pretty darn exciting in the early days of infatuation, and work pretty well . . .but only after many years can they reach their zenith.

1. It takes time for two people to get to know each other really, really well.

2. It takes time to learn how to conduct a relationship well.

3. It takes time for each partner to grow and mature, for each to become his or her best.

4. It takes time for a couple to overcome certain problems or barriers they may face… barriers that stand in the way of relationship success.

Only in time can we develop staunch wisdom and great inner strength . . . the wisdom and strength needed for us to see the big picture in our relationships. And to find the marriage help we need within ourselves. In many cases, this maturation process takes decades!

Yes, we lose our youthful beauty . . . in time. Yes, we all grow old. Yet marriage can get better and better each and every year if we keep our focus and stay in it for the long haul.

DesiremeHow To Make Your Marriage Last

The young, sexy body our culture prizes is not a person. It’s merely a fleeting phase of life. That’s why we should never marry for looks alone.

It is far smarter to marry a wonderful person, the person inside, not an appearance, which will only fade. So begin by making a good choice for a mate. Marry a real person, one you admire on the inside.

Someone who will only get better with time. Someone who will still be funny, interesting and profound when he or she is 90!

A beautiful person will always be beautiful. No matter what happens on the outside. It’s the inside that matters. Oh, he or she may retain their outer beauty for a long time, but it’s the inner beauty that really counts . . . and makes you happy.

Living with a strong, happy, caring individual who loves life and is always improving himself/herself is the only way to go! Put two such individuals together and you have a relationship with excellent potential.

How To Improve Your Marriage: Where To Start

Start with a vision. Your vision must take in the long-term aspects of your relationship. Try to see the marriage for what it can be in ten, twenty or fifty years! That’s not easy when you’re only beginning. But you can do it.

Talk about your long-term goals and plans for your relationship. Share your dreams. What are the likenesses and differences? Are your goals, hopes and dreams compatible? Be honest with yourselves and each other. Think! Don’t jump into a relationship with the first pretty person who comes along. Remember, that skin is not who the person really is.

Also, realize the path to relationship success and marital bliss is paved with mundane bricks. It’s the effort you make in the here-and-now that gets you to the promised land. Every day can’t be equally exciting and romantic. Every year won’t be the same. Your relationship will go through phases, good and hard times. There will be challenges (thank goodness, since it’s partly the challenges that makes us strong).

But you can get through it all and get some of the marriage help you need if you remember to keep your vision before you, if you can keep seeing the big picture. Remember that great marriages are always works in progress . . . works that require great spans of time, diligence and more patience than anyone wants.

Make Personal Sacrifices

Spouses who make personal sacrifices for the relationship will succeed. Sometimes you have to give up things for the good of the marriage. Your immediate wishes or needs may have to go, as you invest your time in sharing, saving, listening and compromising. Many marital problems can be solved when we remember to make sacrifices.

Example

One spouse may want to play in a softball league, but the hours of practice and long days spent in travel and tournament play are too draining. A better choice may be to spend that time with the young children and recreating as a family.

It’s a decision that will build love and romance, and strengthen the marriage and the family.

If you are focused on the moment only, and your present desire, you will shortchange the relationship. But if you remember to see the relationship as a long-term commitment, a work-in-progress, one that will take time to confer the greatest benefit, you will put the marriage first . . .and greatly enhance your marriage.

Decision Making Tip

Here’s a cool tip for making good decisions about your relationship: when trying to decide anything, always ask what eventual impact the decision will have on the long-term success of the marriage.

Another way to go about it is this . . . try being clear about three things:

1. How will your decision impact your partner?

2. How will it impact yourself?

3. How will it affect your relationship, both in the present and future?

When it comes to relationships, those daily, mundane decisions and acts of love are the stepping stones to the greatest happiness, and the loftiest paradise. They will help you to overcome many marriage problems. No, the mundane bricks may not always seem glamorous, exciting or trendy, but that’s okay. They form a solid path to marital bliss and success. If you sign up for the long haul, and persist in seeing the big picture . . . your relationship will succeed!

In the meantime, please send us your comments.  We’d love to hear what’s on your mind.  Before I go, I just wanted to ask if anyone has seen that cute commercial that comes on regarding the Swift Brush?  A box of samples are left on the couples door.  They are an elderly couple in their 90’s, can you believe it?   Anyway, you can tell they are in love.  It is a beautiful commercial that you must see.  You can also check it out on YouTube.  It is the most precious video I have ever seen…Until next time, keep bloggin….

Scott’s Link!

Love, Dating and Marriage

For one who has spent quite a number of years on the love, dating and marriage scene, I feel qualified to make certain bold statements. Without apology, it is quite clear that every normal human being desires to be happy. However, let the truth be told to those who care to listen that being married or being single has nothing to do with being happy. Deciding to get married because you are presently unhappy may open you up to a rude shock! Conversely, deciding to stay single because many marriages these days don’t last may leave you equally unfulfilled and unhappy. Being happy is a choice, remaining single is a choice and being married is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be the way you want to be. What you choose is what you become! It is this basic lack of understanding that has precipitated the numerous cries of “help save my marriage” that is noised all over the place these days.111474

The western world has the greatest number of relationship experts, counselors, books, and materials yet holds the record of having the highest divorce rate, most number of single parents, and a greater ratio of single women of marriageable age to married than at any other period in time. Furthermore, there is a consistent move away from the heterosexual relationship and an emphasis on same sex relationship/marriage.

In my extensive study and research on the internet, one cannot but wonder if the aim of these so-called experts giving advice in love relationship is to mislead the vulnerable, gullible and unsuspecting consumers of their products and services and sabotage their relationships. One of the tenets of capitalism is to find out what the consumers want, produce, sell and make a killing out of it. The direct consequence of this phenomenon on the relationship scene is that in order to produce best-sellers, experts have continued to churn out stuff that THE CONSUMERS WANT TO HEAR not the things they NEED TO HEAR!!! No wonder the high rate of relationship failure and a destruction of the marriage and family institutions. It is all a game of numbers, and bountiful sales lead to plenty dollars in the bank. It is this burden to make a positive difference in the lives of people and correct all the false psychological theories that birthed this article

Marriage comes with certain ENJOYMENTS that singles are not afforded. Marriage is an adventure that you are encouraged to explore. However, with the enjoyments come the responsibilities. Note that you may enjoy without being happy. You may enjoy the financial security that comes with being married or the sex, the status, the respect you are given for being a married woman/man, the joy of parenthood e.t.c.   No wonder some stay married despite the fact that they are not really happy. The reason is that there are some aspects of the relationship that they are enjoying and to them the benefit of staying married outweighs the divorce/single life option.

UNDERSTANDING THE RESPONSIBILITIES

The male man (man) and the female man (woman) are both human beings but with different roles. In a relationship, two is attempting to become one. They must thus understand that to operate as ONE TEAM each must understand and operate in its unique role. The male becomes the HEAD of the team while the female becomes the HEART of the team. The man is called to lead while the woman is called to help. The heart is the organ to love with while the head is the organ to think, reason and coordinate with. As the heart, it is easy for the woman to be tender and loving but she has to learn to yield, submit to the leadership of her man and to complement and not compete with him. As the head, it is easy for the man to lead and co-ordinate and take the initiative but he must learn to be tender and loving always responding to the heart deep advice and nudging of the woman. This is the perfect team! Anything other than this arrangement is CONFUSION!!

The woman in a relationship may be intelligent and richer than the man but she has to step aside and let him take charge because that is his calling. To illustrate this: Take for example a car. All the occupants of the car may know how to drive. But to get them to their mutual destination only one of them will have to drive. This is because there is only one driver seat. Others may give their opinion as to where and when to turn in order to get them to where they are going but the decision and the responsibility lie in the hands of the driver. That is the man’s role. The moment each person in the relationship understands that marriage comes with enjoyments as well as responsibilities and each person is willing to accept and carry out their responsibilities, true happiness will be the result. This I believe is the best relationship love advice that can be offered at such a difficult time on the relationships scene.

 

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you kid..  Scotts Link!!110889

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce And Rekindle The Love

Many couples are desperate and in need of help and information on how to save a marriage from divorce and get back that “lovin’ feeling” that brought them together in the first place. Too many marriages today have either ended in divorce, are in the process of divorce, or unknowingly headed for divorce. It’s a brutal statistic but 50% of marriages today will be destroyed through a divorce, and that is a conservative estimate!  111359

The great news in all this is that divorce does not need to be the ultimate outcome of your relationship woes. There is so much you can do, right now, to stop the negative momentum in your relationship that is quickly pushing your marriage towards the divorce statistics.

If you are interested and open to learning how to save a marriage from divorce I think you will find this article helpful, and I truly hope that you will take what I share and apply it immediately to your relationship. Time is of the essence when your marriage is on the line. Truth is if you are at this stage and worried about divorce you have already put things off too long. So I challenge and encourage you to read this and then start applying what you learn this very night!

Before you can save your marriage you need to isolate the problems that are threatening it. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see. If your marriage is in trouble there are a few, tell-tale, signs that you need to be aware of and then confront. They include:

1. A lack of desire to be together – This is a huge red flag and needs to be dealt with yesterday! If you and your partner find it painful to “hang-out” and find that you would rather do “whatever” either on your own or with a friend, then very likely there is a serious problem with your relationship. While it is true that everyone is busy, if your daily activities, work commitments, time spent with children and friends so dominate your schedule that there is no time left for your spouse, there is serious trouble brewing and this issue needs to be addressed. If spending time together is not a top priority, then you need to stop everything and re-prioritize your life. How to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love has to include quality time spent together with your spouse!

2. A feeling of resentment – If there is an underlying sense of resentment, (towards your spouse or vice-versa), or perhaps it is even outright, in your face resentment, then you need to be alarmed! This is not a healthy aspect for any marriage and will eat away at your relationship like rust on steroids! If resentment is causing you to feel that you don’t even like your spouse anymore, then your marriage is in a major crisis and you need to take immediate action.

3. A lack or void of intimacy – If you and your spouse have not been intimate for a long time, and it doesn’t seem to bother you, then this is another red flag that should cause you to be concerned. If you are really interested in how to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love, than you have to take a serious look at the intimacy factor in your relationship. While a lack of sex does not mean a marriage is on the rocks, a total lack of intimacy is a good indicator that this is the case. Intimacy is more complex than just sex and includes enjoyment and fulfillment from tender moments spent together, through hugging, kissing, snuggling and just being together physically.

4. An inability to communicate – Another indicator that your marriage is in trouble and may be headed for divorce is when you and your spouse don’t talk or “discuss” things normally anymore; you merely argue and disagree about everything. If conversation has become a chore and it seems easier to just not talk than have to deal with the emotional stress and anxiety you feel after verbal interaction, then now is the time to sit up, take notice and make some serious changes. Open, healthy communication is an absolute essential part of a strong, fulfilling marriage. You will not discover how to save your marriage from divorce until you first discover how to communicate properly and lovingly.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Requires A Game Plan:

OK, now that we have identified some definite red flags and you realize that your relationship troubles may be more serious than you thought, we need to look at positive measures to take now to bring healing and restoration. The following suggestions will answer, in part, the nagging question of, “How to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love again”:

* The first step to bringing healing into your marriage is to open up the lines of communication. You need to take the time to talk. This won’t happen on its own, you must make the time. This needs to be a two-way dialogue where you and your spouse open up to one another and share your concerns. Be honest and address the problems, openly sharing your ideas and thoughts. You and your spouse deserve to know how each other are feeling. Then, together, establish helpful and reasonable solutions.

* Be sure to stay calm and never raise your voice during this time of reconnecting and communicating. Go out of your way to be polite and respectful in your communication skills. The tone of voice and body language can speak volumes, so be aware of both. At all costs, avoid accusations and finger-pointing. If your spouse feels threatened it will be “game-over”. After you have shared your concerns listen carefully, and intently, to your partner’s response and then be proactive in working with her/him in coming up with restorative resolutions of how to save a marriage from divorce.

* If you have success in communicating then continue spending time together working things out. No matter how busy “life” gets couples that want to stay together must find the time to shut out the rest of the world and be alone. You will each, most likely, have to reduce your obligations, but it will be so worth it. Learning how to save a marriage from divorce will involve retraining yourselves and rethinking your priorities.

* Plan a date night! It seems so cliche but it is effective. Even if it only happens once or twice a month, you will find this, alone time, to be extraordinarily advantageous to restoring your relationship. It will enable you to reconnect with one another, helping you to identify and appreciate each other all over again and give you a sense of just how valuable your marriage really is. Do not underestimate the value of this step in your plan of how to save a marriage from divorce.adoreebook

The key of how to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love, is to first and foremost recognize that there is a serious problem and then become immediately proactive in addressing the issues and working together to find, and implement, solutions that will bring reconciliation and healing to the relationship. There is no better time than the present to begin, and time is of the essence…

All the best!

Stop the Divorce …Save Your Marriage..

You are in a tricky situation currently; you are considering divorce; your wife has already walked out on you; you found her cheating; your marriage is failing for reasons unknown. But you obviously do care; you are a forgiving loving man; you want to stop the divorce; you want to save your marriage.

Does this describe your situation? You are reading this article so you obviously do care about your marriage. You wish that your wife could be in love with you until “death do you part”, even though she has already separated from you.

You understand that divorce is one of the worst things in the world. It affects not only you and your spouse, but also your children, your extended family,  and your friends. Some of the sad consequences of a marriage breakup can be seen in the following list:

– Your family life is wrecked
– Your children have split parents
– Your children have to cope with shared custodyadoreebook
– Your children have split loyalties
– You friends have split loyalties
– Your finances are torn apart
– Years of savings go up in smoke (or get paid to the lawyer!)
– You loose your home
– Hours of long drawn out legal battles in a divorce court
– You loose at least half of what you own
– You have ongoing alimony payments
– You have ongoing child support payments
– You feel hostile towards your wife and she towards you
– There are months or years of grieving

Is it worth it? Is this what you want? I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy. So stop the divorce now. Save your marriage

There is plenty of help available to help you work through and resolve the issues. You will find various solutions recommended by marriage guidance councellors and in the many self help books available.

But be careful. Research what others are doing;and do the opposite! Why? Because they’ve got it wrong. What they are doing doesn’t seem to work. Almost everyone believes that human beings make the ideal decisions based on reason. In a perfect world, you could see a marriage counsellor, come up with a plan (maybe by having “date nights” or “intimacy time”) and everything would be perfect. But it is not.

If you go to a relationship guru, they will tell you that you can “communicate” your way into a great marriage. But in reality, simply “talking through” your problems is the worse thing you can do. Apologizing, discussing, compromising, grovelling, begging, even communicating, sometimes these logic based approaches have limited success.

As a man one of the key points for you to know about your wife is that she uses emotion rather than logic when making personal decisions! And logic kills attraction. So if you want to build massive feelings of love and attraction in your wife, you have to look at what really makes her feel those things!

But the good news is that no matter how bad things have gotten, no matter how disinterested your wife might seem, no matter if one of you has cheated, no matter if you’re already separated – you can stop the divorce. You can save your marriage. But the longer you hesitate to do something about it the more likely you are to end up in a divorce court.

If you’re like most men, you have probably already tried everything you can to save your marriage, but nothing seems to work! Counselling didn’t work, books that claimed they could save your marriage didn’t work, and advice from your best mate or your sister didn’t work either. And now you have approached the best, a really expensive divorce lawyer. Will he/she be the savior of your marriage – I think not.

If you are so befuddled by the range of information available on this topic that you are unsure where to start, don’t worry you are not the only one. There are a lot of men in similar circumstances to you. It is time now to re-invest in your marriage and super-charge it with more love, passion, fun and excitement than ever before. Educate yourself on some fantastic insights into the human condition. Become that powerful guy once more.

The answer to how to stop the divorce and save your marriage is quite simple really. The law of attraction forms the foundation. Can you remember the early days of marriage bliss when you loved each other like nothing before? Can you recollect who you were when she loved you like that? In fact the only thing you have to do is wake up that same man your wife married.

If the attraction between spouses is dead and buried how will they prevent that divorce and save the marriage? In point of fact, the answer is not found by solving problems. It is actually found in building attraction. You have to develop so much heat and passion in your spouse that she is madly in love with you again. To stop that divorce and save your marriage you must lead your wife from being totally disinterested in you to being so attracted to you that you become the king of the castle and she is the queen by your side.

Would you like to know the secret about how to do that? Then here it is. In one word in is called leadership. If your marriage is in trouble, then you have not succeeded in leading your wife! Stop the divorce and save your marriage by becoming once again that amazing, compelling, dynamic leader your wife first fell in love with.

On a biological level, sex drive is all about the continuation of mankind. Males with commanding leadership qualities appeal to females because subconsciously they view strong leaders as the provider, the protector, and the giver of life through fatherhood. And so nature has programmed women on a biological level to be massively attracted to leaders. Regardless of what anyone might tell you, women do not like weak men. It turns us off…

You are probably thinking that this attitude is not politically correct. Of course in business and society,  women have total equality. But if you are serious about stopping that divorce and saving your marriage, if you want your wife to be attracted to you and in love with your forever, then that leader had better be you! lead your wife and let her biology do the rest. And that all I have to say about that. So send us your comments, tell us what’s on your mind. We’d love to hear from you.

We’re giving away FREE STUFF!!   So don’t forget to comment.

Scotts Link!

Why Passion is So Important in Your Relationship and Life

Passion is intense feeling, strong excitement, strong affection, love, intense desire and enthusiasm. You can have passion for anything or anyone. We all have a basic need to feel passion.

In other words, passion or being passionate is the fire in our eyes, in our bodies and in our lives that drives us forward–whether it’s for our work, our hobbies, or for our relationships.
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When people lose passion or fire in their lives or in their relationships, you can sure tell it. They go through their lives as if they are on auto-pilot and the joy just seems to have leaked out of them.

When people have passion for life or their relationships, you can also see it and feel it, even if they are quiet about it. Having passion is a way of living every moment of your life to its fullest.

Whether you are waiting in line at the bank, helping your children with homework or talking with your partner, a co-worker or family member–when you have and are living your life with passion, your heart is open to experiencing the joys of connecting with others or even with yourself.

To us, having passion means being truthful, being both powerful and vulnerable, having a willingness to stay and go deeper, taking responsibility for creating what we want in our lives, being open and allowing inner radiance to shine through–and of course being open to connecting with others, as well as with ourselves.

Our list could go on and on and you would probably have other ways of defining what it means to you that would also work– but you get the idea.

What we have discovered is that when it comes to having and feeling passion, you know when you have it and you also know when you don’t.

We were just thinking about a time recently when the two of us had a misunderstanding that could have turned into an ugly situation but didn’t because neither one of us closed to the other. We kept our hearts open to each other and continued working out our differences while we went about our daily activities and work. That’s having and keeping passion for each other and for keeping our relationship alive, growing, close and connected.

Having passion can mean many things in your life and your relationship. We invite you to decide what you are passionate about having in your life and then be open to doing what you need to do to keeping it that way.111350

Real Love Versus the Fake Stuff

Do you know the difference between real and fake love?

Just like any counterfeit object or characteristic, it can be tricky to know and identify the real from the fake. Sometimes, even experts can’t tell what is genuine and what is not. The fake stuff resembles the real thing in many aspects. The facade can look exactly like the true article. Hollywood sets with their cardboard exteriors are good examples of that. So when it comes to falling in love, if the object of your affection looks good, sounds reasonable, and seems to feel the same way you do, you may not get it that he or she is not what you think they are. What are the defining characteristics that can signal to you what is real and what is fake? What are the warning signs you need to heed? Essentially, the fake love fades away as soon as the chemistry wears off. But love endures, showing up in the actions and deeds of the two people.

Here are the signs of fake love:111442

1. Time

Fake love, which is chemistry only, lasts anywhere from three weeks to a year and a half and then disappears. Real love loses the immediacy of the chemical rush, but retains chemistry while it grows deeper and calmer. The onset of both kinds of love is marked by obsession. For a period of time, the two people in love cannot think about anything but the other one. They may lose weight, lose sleep, and lose all concept of time. Nothing else exists for them except the other person. When this chemical high wears off, the true picture of the person emerges for them. All of the above involves…time.

2. Projection

Fake love, based primarily on physical intimacy, is what two people assume about each other.  They can’t see future problems. Idealized qualities, lives built on fantasy, and a perfect life together dominates their thoughts. Each one insists that the other one is the greatest person they have ever met. The problem is, they haven’t really MET each other yet. They are relating to their idealized version. When this cyclone of projection ends and the dust settles, the true person emerges. Then they can decide if they are right for each other.

3. Fairy Tales

Counterfeit love feeds off of the stuff of fairy tales. The women in the story want Prince Charming. They will have riches, happiness, love, and all dreams come true. The man in the story, who feels like a frog and may even look like one, is kissed by the princess. He miraculously turns into a handsome, dashing Prince. When two people get together and fall into the chemical cocktail, they unconsciously can fall into this stylized story. Only when the chemicals wear off do they actually see each other. They may like each other, in which case, real love may develop. Or- the chemicals become toxic, the guy goes back to being a frog, and she looks for another prince.

4. The Future

When two people meet and fall into chemistry, they may begin to plan their future together within weeks. Their “real” selves are not talking to each other here – it’s their spiced, fried, scrambled brain that can’t be trusted to make clear decisions. What does REAL love look like? It is able to get past the chemistry phase and into real-time. Fake love involves conflict, drama, and pain, once the chemistry wears off. Real love evolves into service, thought, care, and sincere emotions for the other. Real love is shown in loving acts – over and over – with no one keeping score. Real love responds to the needs of the other, flowing effortlessly from one day to the next.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

We would love to hear your comments, just tell us what you think.  and  while you’re at it, check out these sites.  There are all kinds of solutions for Matters of the Heart.

go to:  http://scottlnkdesign.com    for your favorite love potion.

If you want to get paid  go to:  http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website

For a little passion:  http://designsintuition.com/passion ..this site will blow your mind. Until then, here’s bloggin at you kid!!!! Scotts Link!!

Dating and Relationships: Why Didn’t He Call?

It’s Saturday night, you’re out with a few friends and unexpectedly you meet a handsome stranger. You end up spending most of the evening flirting, drinking, laughing, talking &adoreebook dancing. At the end of the night, he asks you for your number as he say’s he would like to take you out for dinner.

As you get into the cab feeling ever so elated, you mentally press rewind and start replaying the evening in the back of your mind. You break out in an uncontrollable grin, despite the fact that your new pair of heels have left your feet sore and it’s 5.00am. Your thoughts are then rudely interrupted with the sound of a text alert. As you reach in your handbag, you silently wish for it to be him. YES! It’s him, telling you how much he enjoyed your company and will call you later on… OH YES, ISN’T LIFE GREAT!

Sunday afternoon – hmmm no phone call, he’s probably sleeping, it was a late night, I’m sure he’ll call tonight… Sunday evening – I know he has a pretty early start with his job, so in between nursing a hangover and sorting himself out for work, he will probably leave it for tomorrow. Monday evening – may be he’s playing it cool, he doesn’t want to come across too keen, guys are like that, aren’t they? Tuesday evening – Why hasn’t he called? He said he liked me and wanted to take me out for dinner. Why did he say all of this, if he was not interested?

For all you guys reading this, it’s true, this is what most women who you’ve said you would call, go through. Whilst it may just have been a polite gesture on your part, or a spontaneous request, by not calling you hurt someone’s feelings. If you think this is OTT, just think of those times when you have plucked up the courage to approach a woman, after you think she has been giving you signals, just to be outright rejected. If you’re smirking thinking, well now she knows how it feels, two wrongs don’t make a right!

And guys in case you’re thinking, well she’s got my number, why doesn’t she just call me? Firstly, you asked for the number, so the onus is on you to follow up. Secondly, you said you were going to call, if a woman then chooses to call, there’s a good chance you’re going to think she’s overly keen or just desperate. And thirdly, women also have pride. But let’s be honest here, without the chase your interest is going to wane anyway, isn’t it?

So ladies why hasn’t he called? Often, when guys ask you for your number, at that precise moment he intends to use it. After that moment has literally passed, a new game comes into play. The next morning he will mull over it, questioning whether he had his beer goggles on? How well he connected with you – does he see any long term potential, or is it best left as a night of fun? Is he ready to, or can he even be bothered to, have a relationship? And the list could go on. But in a nutshell, if he hasn’t called you within 72 hours, he’s just not interested. It doesn’t matter how busy a guy is, if he genuinely likes you, he will find the time to contact you.

For arguments sake, let’s reverse the tables for a moment. Guys imagine that you meet someone at a singles event, or in a bar and you really like her. You spend most of the evening with her, and at the end of the night you ask her for her number. She insists on taking yours and says she will call you. How does it make you feel, when that call does not come? If you put your male ego aside, part of you will probably be disappointed and you may move on quickly. On the other hand, depending on how much you liked her, in your ‘male-way’ you will pretty much go through the same motions, as women do.

Thus, the moral of this story is that we are all adults. If it is just a ‘one evening thing’ then leave it at that. If you’re not going to make that call, please don’t take, or ask for their number!  And that’s all I have to say about that.  In the meantime check us out and please leave us your comments.  We’d love to hear from you.

Check out these sites:  http://scottlnkdesign.com and http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website and http://designsintuition.com/passion, you could win a brand new Ipad!!!!

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The Importance of Dating Before Marriage..Should You or Should You Not?

DesiremeDating before marriage is essential. It helps an individual make the decision whether they want to live with the other person for the rest of their life or not. Dating before marriage is usually referred to as courtship, because the relationship has passed the stage of just getting to know each other, but tailoring it towards marriage. The debate surrounding dating and marriage has been in existence for a while now, with some people advocating for it, and others against it all together. Nevertheless, going on dates that leads to marriage or not is still common. This indicates that it is still relevant for a majority of people. When planning to get married, there are a variety of reasons why dating before marriage is necessary and they include: First, dating before marriage helps you understand your partner better so that you can be able to get along with minimal conflict. The merging of two people from diverse backgrounds is likely to bring with it a lot of ups and downs, so it is better to go through the struggles before marriage, to know if you can cope with them before marriage. Second, when dating with the main goal being to get married, it helps the couple focus on what they should expect in marriage. This focus will help you evaluate whether you are ready for marriage or not, and the responsibilities that come with it. There are some couples that have realized while dating before marriage, that they are not compatible with each other and have ended the relationship before getting married. Third, understanding each other’s likes as well as dislikes are most likely to be discovered when dating before marriage. The more you understand your partner, the more likely you will be able to get along even better within the marriage. It is during this courtship period that you get to know what you can handle, and characteristics that you will not be able to live with. Fourth, future plans and ambitions of a couple are discovered when dating before marriage as they discuss different aspects of their lives. Most of the time, the plans and even ambitions of each partner may differ because they are living individual lives. However, as the courtship progresses it is important to be aware of the possibility of harmonizing future plans, so that you have the same focus. Fifth, dating before marriage strengthens a relationship because of the various life situations that the couple has to go through together as they prepare for marriage. It is in these life situations that you see your partner for who they are, and their ability to handle different situations that may also arise in marriage. However, for some couples, these situations open up their eyes to the realities of the life they are likely to live in marriage and they choose to opt out. Results of not dating before marriage Even with the importance of dating before marriage being emphasized in different types of publications, and married people, there are still couples that decide to forgo dating and just get married. The most obvious result of not getting to know each other before marriage is divorce. Many people who are divorced now, are likely to not have dated before making a decision to get married, and found that they are unable to handle the responsibilities of marriage or to live with the person they married. Another result of not dating before walking down the aisle is that you are not aware of the goal of the marriage. Lack of focus on where the marriage is heading is likely to bring about conflict because everyone has their own life that they want to live within the marriage. A marriage that does not have a common goal is likely to disintegrate at the first sign of trouble. In addition, friendship in dating is developed over time, and this cannot be done without courtship between two people. Friendship is important in a marriage because there are times when the feelings of love will not be there, but because you are friends, there are other points of connection. Overall, dating before marriage is important and should not be neglected if a marriage is to have a chance of survival.

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Seven Secrets to Find A Good Mate

4061251. Make a list of qualities you’d like in a mate. Then look at that list and get to work on having all those qualities yourself. It is not that you are looking for the “right one.” That is a “gimme” attitude. Become the “right one” that someone else would love to have as a spouse. Are you kind? Can you keep your apartment/house clean? Do you get places on time? Take some time to write down your answers to these questions. Use a spiral, or a journal…just do it.

2. Take a year (or at least 6 months) to get to know yourself without dating. Do you know what you like and dislike? What are your natural talents? What skills have you learned? What are your dreams? How would you like your life to be in 50 years? Do you know yourself? Are you living a life of total honesty and not deceiving anyone, including yourself?

3. STOP having sex and don’t move in with anyone. This is the #1 mistake women and men make over and over. Why would they want to marry you if they can have sex anytime and for free? Show me a woman who won’t go to bed with a man, who thinks of herself as a precious jewel, but is not arrogant, who is confident and happy with who she is and I’ll show you a woman that men are irresistibly attracted to.

4. Become content with being by yourself and without any person to make you feel complete. The best marriages are when two separate people are successful in their own lives (and in their own eyes!). They have accepted who they are and come to love themselves exact the way they are today. Can you say that about yourself?

5. Don’t worry and live in this day right now. Don’t look all the way down the journey. Just look at today and what you can do to make today better…for you. Take little tiny baby steps. And then take another step forward tomorrow. Always move forward. Forget the past and your mistakes. Lay them down. Better yet, learn the lessons from your past and MOVE ON!

6. Keep moving forward & keep getting up. Professional football players are amazing. After the play stops, they get up or jump to their feet and go back to the huddle or the line of scrimmage to execute the next play. All that seems to matter is that they gain a yard here, a few yards there, yet they are slowly moving in a forward direction. We can analyze too much, instead of putting one foot in front of the other, having faith that it will all work out for the best.

7. Ask for help when you need it. Everyone needs help at some time or another. No one gets totally healthy all in one day. It is a process; it takes time. Older and wiser people really have good advice to give. It will be well worth your time to listen and perhaps save yourself months and years of regret and sorrow. Be humble enough to listen to another’s suggestion, so that you don’t have to make the mistakes they did and so that you can live a fuller, more satisfying life!

Do Happy Marriages/Relationships Exist?

adoreebookHave you ever wondered how the people in happy marriages do it? Like how do they manage to be loving to their spouse day in and day out, no matter how cranky they are? How is it that these happy couples can put the needs of their significant other before their own needs all the time? Are they selfless? Not to mention trust. Most of us don’t know what it is to be able to fully trust ourselves, let alone another person, but people in happy marriages will tell you that it’s one of the main elements of a good relationship, so how do they manage to balance all of it?

It Is Not a Juggling Act, But Sometimes It Can Feel Like It Is

There are some basic elements of relationships that will allow you to go to the next level, from dating, to engagement, to marriage. It’s pretty unlikely that you would have gotten into a committed relationship with the person you’re married to if you didn’t have some of the essential building blocks for happy marriages at the beginning, so chances are that somewhere along the lines, factors such as mortgage payments, jobs and kids got in the way of the way that the two of you interact, so you’re going to have to bring it back out.

What to Nurture

Yes, there is that word – nurture. You need to work to nurture certain aspects of your relationship so that the two of you can feel that you’re in a solid committed relationship where you really and truly matter to each other. In other words, even though you both know that life would go on without the other one, it wouldn’t be nearly as fabulous. Stop thinking only about what you as an individual can do and start thinking about what you as a couple can do and you might begin to see what makes happy marriages tick.

Remember when you were a kid and you used to want to hang out with your best friend all the time? You did everything together and your parents thought that they had adopted a child. How fun was that? Now, you married your best friend, right? Well, maybe not, but happy marriages all around the world will tell you that life can be like one big “camp out” with your best friend. Start looking for ways to laugh together. Talk about everything. Like what interests them and you individually and you as a couple. The key is to show an interest in what your spouse is interested in and they will reciprocate for you and that’s a friendship.

Don’t forget to make time for intimacy. If your partner sees you make time for them in a completely giving way, not a ‘taking’ way, they will feel loved, not used. This is very important in any happy relationship and you will find all happy marriages have the couple loving one another intimately and with ‘loving respect.’ Building trust and self esteem in each other, will also take you into the land of happier marriages faster than you could realize. When your partner sees that you accept everything about them, they will drop the guarded, fearful behavior and let the real them shine. Remember that happy relationships have their own rhythm and take their own time. Yes, happy marriages do exist. So, from now on, focus on you and your relationship and work on getting yourselves to a state of happiness in your marriage everyday.