Love, Dating and Marriage

For one who has spent quite a number of years on the love, dating and marriage scene, I feel qualified to make certain bold statements. Without apology, it is quite clear that every normal human being desires to be happy. However, let the truth be told to those who care to listen that being married or being single has nothing to do with being happy. Deciding to get married because you are presently unhappy may open you up to a rude shock! Conversely, deciding to stay single because many marriages these days don’t last may leave you equally unfulfilled and unhappy. Being happy is a choice, remaining single is a choice and being married is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be the way you want to be. What you choose is what you become! It is this basic lack of understanding that has precipitated the numerous cries of “help save my marriage” that is noised all over the place these days.111474

The western world has the greatest number of relationship experts, counselors, books, and materials yet holds the record of having the highest divorce rate, most number of single parents, and a greater ratio of single women of marriageable age to married than at any other period in time. Furthermore, there is a consistent move away from the heterosexual relationship and an emphasis on same sex relationship/marriage.

In my extensive study and research on the internet, one cannot but wonder if the aim of these so-called experts giving advice in love relationship is to mislead the vulnerable, gullible and unsuspecting consumers of their products and services and sabotage their relationships. One of the tenets of capitalism is to find out what the consumers want, produce, sell and make a killing out of it. The direct consequence of this phenomenon on the relationship scene is that in order to produce best-sellers, experts have continued to churn out stuff that THE CONSUMERS WANT TO HEAR not the things they NEED TO HEAR!!! No wonder the high rate of relationship failure and a destruction of the marriage and family institutions. It is all a game of numbers, and bountiful sales lead to plenty dollars in the bank. It is this burden to make a positive difference in the lives of people and correct all the false psychological theories that birthed this article

Marriage comes with certain ENJOYMENTS that singles are not afforded. Marriage is an adventure that you are encouraged to explore. However, with the enjoyments come the responsibilities. Note that you may enjoy without being happy. You may enjoy the financial security that comes with being married or the sex, the status, the respect you are given for being a married woman/man, the joy of parenthood e.t.c.   No wonder some stay married despite the fact that they are not really happy. The reason is that there are some aspects of the relationship that they are enjoying and to them the benefit of staying married outweighs the divorce/single life option.

UNDERSTANDING THE RESPONSIBILITIES

The male man (man) and the female man (woman) are both human beings but with different roles. In a relationship, two is attempting to become one. They must thus understand that to operate as ONE TEAM each must understand and operate in its unique role. The male becomes the HEAD of the team while the female becomes the HEART of the team. The man is called to lead while the woman is called to help. The heart is the organ to love with while the head is the organ to think, reason and coordinate with. As the heart, it is easy for the woman to be tender and loving but she has to learn to yield, submit to the leadership of her man and to complement and not compete with him. As the head, it is easy for the man to lead and co-ordinate and take the initiative but he must learn to be tender and loving always responding to the heart deep advice and nudging of the woman. This is the perfect team! Anything other than this arrangement is CONFUSION!!

The woman in a relationship may be intelligent and richer than the man but she has to step aside and let him take charge because that is his calling. To illustrate this: Take for example a car. All the occupants of the car may know how to drive. But to get them to their mutual destination only one of them will have to drive. This is because there is only one driver seat. Others may give their opinion as to where and when to turn in order to get them to where they are going but the decision and the responsibility lie in the hands of the driver. That is the man’s role. The moment each person in the relationship understands that marriage comes with enjoyments as well as responsibilities and each person is willing to accept and carry out their responsibilities, true happiness will be the result. This I believe is the best relationship love advice that can be offered at such a difficult time on the relationships scene.

 

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you kid..  Scotts Link!!110889

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce And Rekindle The Love

Many couples are desperate and in need of help and information on how to save a marriage from divorce and get back that “lovin’ feeling” that brought them together in the first place. Too many marriages today have either ended in divorce, are in the process of divorce, or unknowingly headed for divorce. It’s a brutal statistic but 50% of marriages today will be destroyed through a divorce, and that is a conservative estimate!  111359

The great news in all this is that divorce does not need to be the ultimate outcome of your relationship woes. There is so much you can do, right now, to stop the negative momentum in your relationship that is quickly pushing your marriage towards the divorce statistics.

If you are interested and open to learning how to save a marriage from divorce I think you will find this article helpful, and I truly hope that you will take what I share and apply it immediately to your relationship. Time is of the essence when your marriage is on the line. Truth is if you are at this stage and worried about divorce you have already put things off too long. So I challenge and encourage you to read this and then start applying what you learn this very night!

Before you can save your marriage you need to isolate the problems that are threatening it. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see. If your marriage is in trouble there are a few, tell-tale, signs that you need to be aware of and then confront. They include:

1. A lack of desire to be together – This is a huge red flag and needs to be dealt with yesterday! If you and your partner find it painful to “hang-out” and find that you would rather do “whatever” either on your own or with a friend, then very likely there is a serious problem with your relationship. While it is true that everyone is busy, if your daily activities, work commitments, time spent with children and friends so dominate your schedule that there is no time left for your spouse, there is serious trouble brewing and this issue needs to be addressed. If spending time together is not a top priority, then you need to stop everything and re-prioritize your life. How to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love has to include quality time spent together with your spouse!

2. A feeling of resentment – If there is an underlying sense of resentment, (towards your spouse or vice-versa), or perhaps it is even outright, in your face resentment, then you need to be alarmed! This is not a healthy aspect for any marriage and will eat away at your relationship like rust on steroids! If resentment is causing you to feel that you don’t even like your spouse anymore, then your marriage is in a major crisis and you need to take immediate action.

3. A lack or void of intimacy – If you and your spouse have not been intimate for a long time, and it doesn’t seem to bother you, then this is another red flag that should cause you to be concerned. If you are really interested in how to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love, than you have to take a serious look at the intimacy factor in your relationship. While a lack of sex does not mean a marriage is on the rocks, a total lack of intimacy is a good indicator that this is the case. Intimacy is more complex than just sex and includes enjoyment and fulfillment from tender moments spent together, through hugging, kissing, snuggling and just being together physically.

4. An inability to communicate – Another indicator that your marriage is in trouble and may be headed for divorce is when you and your spouse don’t talk or “discuss” things normally anymore; you merely argue and disagree about everything. If conversation has become a chore and it seems easier to just not talk than have to deal with the emotional stress and anxiety you feel after verbal interaction, then now is the time to sit up, take notice and make some serious changes. Open, healthy communication is an absolute essential part of a strong, fulfilling marriage. You will not discover how to save your marriage from divorce until you first discover how to communicate properly and lovingly.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Requires A Game Plan:

OK, now that we have identified some definite red flags and you realize that your relationship troubles may be more serious than you thought, we need to look at positive measures to take now to bring healing and restoration. The following suggestions will answer, in part, the nagging question of, “How to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love again”:

* The first step to bringing healing into your marriage is to open up the lines of communication. You need to take the time to talk. This won’t happen on its own, you must make the time. This needs to be a two-way dialogue where you and your spouse open up to one another and share your concerns. Be honest and address the problems, openly sharing your ideas and thoughts. You and your spouse deserve to know how each other are feeling. Then, together, establish helpful and reasonable solutions.

* Be sure to stay calm and never raise your voice during this time of reconnecting and communicating. Go out of your way to be polite and respectful in your communication skills. The tone of voice and body language can speak volumes, so be aware of both. At all costs, avoid accusations and finger-pointing. If your spouse feels threatened it will be “game-over”. After you have shared your concerns listen carefully, and intently, to your partner’s response and then be proactive in working with her/him in coming up with restorative resolutions of how to save a marriage from divorce.

* If you have success in communicating then continue spending time together working things out. No matter how busy “life” gets couples that want to stay together must find the time to shut out the rest of the world and be alone. You will each, most likely, have to reduce your obligations, but it will be so worth it. Learning how to save a marriage from divorce will involve retraining yourselves and rethinking your priorities.

* Plan a date night! It seems so cliche but it is effective. Even if it only happens once or twice a month, you will find this, alone time, to be extraordinarily advantageous to restoring your relationship. It will enable you to reconnect with one another, helping you to identify and appreciate each other all over again and give you a sense of just how valuable your marriage really is. Do not underestimate the value of this step in your plan of how to save a marriage from divorce.adoreebook

The key of how to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love, is to first and foremost recognize that there is a serious problem and then become immediately proactive in addressing the issues and working together to find, and implement, solutions that will bring reconciliation and healing to the relationship. There is no better time than the present to begin, and time is of the essence…

All the best!

Fix Your Sexless Marriage – Live a Life With Passion

Is it possible to fix your sexless marriage? I think so. I see couples that are very happy with their relationships and some of them are well into their 80′s. You have to want the passion to be there and you have to work at it to keep it there. As women, we start to doubt ourselves. We wake up one day and look in the mirror and start to think it’s all over. You have to face the fact that time moves and our bodies move with time. You don’t have to give up on passion because you’ve reached the 50 mark. There are ways to embrace the change that will benefit the both of you. I read an article recently that states according to a recent survey, about 15% of couples live in what is defined as a sexless marriage, meaning that they have sex 10 times a year or less. This means that what once was considered a taboo topic cannot remain one for long. This problem has gotten too big for it to remain so secretive.111350

The worse thing about sexless marriages is that most people are too ashamed that this has happened to them to take any action. They simply give up on love and passion and do nothing to mend their relationship. It does not have to be this way. You can make your sex life young and exciting. I for one, do not want to grow old and lifeless. When he touches me, I want to feel the fire. You have to be able to talk about the subject. Tell your mate what feels good to you. Don’t pull away when he trys to kiss you, or when he or she trys to hold your hand. This is wrong. You can’t give up on love. There’s a great chance that you can fix your sexless marriage if you decide to. It depends on how much effort you’re willing to put into your marriage and how open you are to new ideas and the fact that this is a problem which has to be treated for you to be happy.

In all likelihood, your marriage didn’t become sexless due to a lack of love. You and your partner likely still love each other but over the years something has wilted between you. It happens to a lot of couples and you can revive the passion.

The first thing you need to do is to believe it’s possible to fix your sexless marriage. The second thing is to take a long look at your life and see where you can take steps to improve the interaction between you and your spouse.

The third thing is to make your life more exciting and fun. The fourth is to spend high quality time together as a couple. The fifth is to be able to accept temporary rejection and slowly rebuild the intimacy you lost.

It can be done and it’s in your hands. Never give up on love.  Please send us your comments.

We’d love to hear what’s on your mind.

In the meantime, keep bloggin and I’ll see you at the top!!!

Scotts Link!111417

Stop the Divorce …Save Your Marriage..

You are in a tricky situation currently; you are considering divorce; your wife has already walked out on you; you found her cheating; your marriage is failing for reasons unknown. But you obviously do care; you are a forgiving loving man; you want to stop the divorce; you want to save your marriage.

Does this describe your situation? You are reading this article so you obviously do care about your marriage. You wish that your wife could be in love with you until “death do you part”, even though she has already separated from you.

You understand that divorce is one of the worst things in the world. It affects not only you and your spouse, but also your children, your extended family,  and your friends. Some of the sad consequences of a marriage breakup can be seen in the following list:

– Your family life is wrecked
– Your children have split parents
– Your children have to cope with shared custodyadoreebook
– Your children have split loyalties
– You friends have split loyalties
– Your finances are torn apart
– Years of savings go up in smoke (or get paid to the lawyer!)
– You loose your home
– Hours of long drawn out legal battles in a divorce court
– You loose at least half of what you own
– You have ongoing alimony payments
– You have ongoing child support payments
– You feel hostile towards your wife and she towards you
– There are months or years of grieving

Is it worth it? Is this what you want? I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy. So stop the divorce now. Save your marriage

There is plenty of help available to help you work through and resolve the issues. You will find various solutions recommended by marriage guidance councellors and in the many self help books available.

But be careful. Research what others are doing;and do the opposite! Why? Because they’ve got it wrong. What they are doing doesn’t seem to work. Almost everyone believes that human beings make the ideal decisions based on reason. In a perfect world, you could see a marriage counsellor, come up with a plan (maybe by having “date nights” or “intimacy time”) and everything would be perfect. But it is not.

If you go to a relationship guru, they will tell you that you can “communicate” your way into a great marriage. But in reality, simply “talking through” your problems is the worse thing you can do. Apologizing, discussing, compromising, grovelling, begging, even communicating, sometimes these logic based approaches have limited success.

As a man one of the key points for you to know about your wife is that she uses emotion rather than logic when making personal decisions! And logic kills attraction. So if you want to build massive feelings of love and attraction in your wife, you have to look at what really makes her feel those things!

But the good news is that no matter how bad things have gotten, no matter how disinterested your wife might seem, no matter if one of you has cheated, no matter if you’re already separated – you can stop the divorce. You can save your marriage. But the longer you hesitate to do something about it the more likely you are to end up in a divorce court.

If you’re like most men, you have probably already tried everything you can to save your marriage, but nothing seems to work! Counselling didn’t work, books that claimed they could save your marriage didn’t work, and advice from your best mate or your sister didn’t work either. And now you have approached the best, a really expensive divorce lawyer. Will he/she be the savior of your marriage – I think not.

If you are so befuddled by the range of information available on this topic that you are unsure where to start, don’t worry you are not the only one. There are a lot of men in similar circumstances to you. It is time now to re-invest in your marriage and super-charge it with more love, passion, fun and excitement than ever before. Educate yourself on some fantastic insights into the human condition. Become that powerful guy once more.

The answer to how to stop the divorce and save your marriage is quite simple really. The law of attraction forms the foundation. Can you remember the early days of marriage bliss when you loved each other like nothing before? Can you recollect who you were when she loved you like that? In fact the only thing you have to do is wake up that same man your wife married.

If the attraction between spouses is dead and buried how will they prevent that divorce and save the marriage? In point of fact, the answer is not found by solving problems. It is actually found in building attraction. You have to develop so much heat and passion in your spouse that she is madly in love with you again. To stop that divorce and save your marriage you must lead your wife from being totally disinterested in you to being so attracted to you that you become the king of the castle and she is the queen by your side.

Would you like to know the secret about how to do that? Then here it is. In one word in is called leadership. If your marriage is in trouble, then you have not succeeded in leading your wife! Stop the divorce and save your marriage by becoming once again that amazing, compelling, dynamic leader your wife first fell in love with.

On a biological level, sex drive is all about the continuation of mankind. Males with commanding leadership qualities appeal to females because subconsciously they view strong leaders as the provider, the protector, and the giver of life through fatherhood. And so nature has programmed women on a biological level to be massively attracted to leaders. Regardless of what anyone might tell you, women do not like weak men. It turns us off…

You are probably thinking that this attitude is not politically correct. Of course in business and society,  women have total equality. But if you are serious about stopping that divorce and saving your marriage, if you want your wife to be attracted to you and in love with your forever, then that leader had better be you! lead your wife and let her biology do the rest. And that all I have to say about that. So send us your comments, tell us what’s on your mind. We’d love to hear from you.

We’re giving away FREE STUFF!!   So don’t forget to comment.

Scotts Link!

Why Passion is So Important in Your Relationship and Life

Passion is intense feeling, strong excitement, strong affection, love, intense desire and enthusiasm. You can have passion for anything or anyone. We all have a basic need to feel passion.

In other words, passion or being passionate is the fire in our eyes, in our bodies and in our lives that drives us forward–whether it’s for our work, our hobbies, or for our relationships.
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When people lose passion or fire in their lives or in their relationships, you can sure tell it. They go through their lives as if they are on auto-pilot and the joy just seems to have leaked out of them.

When people have passion for life or their relationships, you can also see it and feel it, even if they are quiet about it. Having passion is a way of living every moment of your life to its fullest.

Whether you are waiting in line at the bank, helping your children with homework or talking with your partner, a co-worker or family member–when you have and are living your life with passion, your heart is open to experiencing the joys of connecting with others or even with yourself.

To us, having passion means being truthful, being both powerful and vulnerable, having a willingness to stay and go deeper, taking responsibility for creating what we want in our lives, being open and allowing inner radiance to shine through–and of course being open to connecting with others, as well as with ourselves.

Our list could go on and on and you would probably have other ways of defining what it means to you that would also work– but you get the idea.

What we have discovered is that when it comes to having and feeling passion, you know when you have it and you also know when you don’t.

We were just thinking about a time recently when the two of us had a misunderstanding that could have turned into an ugly situation but didn’t because neither one of us closed to the other. We kept our hearts open to each other and continued working out our differences while we went about our daily activities and work. That’s having and keeping passion for each other and for keeping our relationship alive, growing, close and connected.

Having passion can mean many things in your life and your relationship. We invite you to decide what you are passionate about having in your life and then be open to doing what you need to do to keeping it that way.111350

3 Tips For Reigniting the Spark in Your Love Relationship Or Marriage

A comic wryly jokes about the pitfalls of being in a long-term relationship. He observes that the “adorable and still in love” elderly couple seen walking closely arm-in-arm in the park are actually merely leaning on one another so that they don’t fall down.

According to this comic, there is no such thing as passion in a relationship once you’ve been together for years and years– your body starts to go and you literally need one another just to get around.

This comedian’s jokes got laughs from his audience, but we simply do not agree.111474

When the spark goes out in your love relationship or marriage, it is no laughing matter.

When the spark goes out in your love relationship or marriage, it’s not inevitable either.

Julia looks with envy at her married friends. She has had several serious relationships, but none of them have been serious enough to take that step to get married.

Sometimes it’s the guy who seems unable to take their commitment to a deeper level. And sometimes it’s Julia who becomes bored or dissatisfied with her partner. She ends up breaking it off because she can’t envision herself spending the rest of her life with this man.

Still, Julia hopes that one day she will find the right guy and get married. She’d like to be in a long-term relationship that is filled with passion and stays that way. But she’s also a realist. She knows that isn’t what normally happens.

You might already be married or in a committed relationship. You might feel a lack of romance or passion with your partner but, just like Julia and the comic above, you believe that it’s natural and even unavoidable.

We’re here to help you question that belief. We’re here to tell you that you don’t have to settle for a spark-less relationship.

The excitement that you crave with your partner can be re-ignited, sustained and even expanded upon.

Here are 3 tips to get you started….

#1) Create an expectation that you and your mate will be connected and passionate as long as you are together.

Many people carry around the expectation that there is a “honeymoon” phase in every relationship (even those that don’t involve marriage) and, after that, it’s all downhill. You and your partner settle into sharing life together and there simply isn’t time or energy for passion.

If you look around, you might very well find that others in long-term relationships seem to go through this type of trajectory. As the couple gets to know one another, it’s all cards, flowers and romance. After a time, however, the flame dwindles and sometimes even dies out.

Part of the problem here is that people expect that after a certain number of years or after a particular age, you cannot share sensuality, red hot love or an enlivening closeness with one another– it seems nearly impossible.

If you hold such beliefs and expectations, we recommend that you think again. Ask yourself this: Is it true that every single couple who has ever been together has lost their spark at a certain point in their relationship?

If you put the question in that way, you’ll undoubtedly determine that you can’t know this with any certainty.

The truth is, there are scores of couples all across the globe who do enjoy that kind of passion. You might even know people who have created such a relationship.

And we’d bet that none of those couples hold an expectation that it is “natural” for the spark to go out.

The great news is this: You can change your expectations. It requires you become aware of the way you tend to think and believe. It also requires you to introduce new thoughts and beliefs into your consciousness.

#2) Find your inner spark and keep feeding your spirit.
Julia has begun to shift her expectations about passion in love relationships and especially marriages. She’s even found a few role model couples that have given her hope that excitement can stay alive in long-term relationships.

While Julia is currently single, she is finding ways to keep her own inner spark flourishing. She’s starting to realize that it’s not the responsibility of her future partner to keep her sense of spirit and spark strong– that’s her job– regardless of her relationship status.

Don’t focus on all of the ways that your partner seemingly fails to ignite a spark in your relationship. Instead, take responsibility for figuring out what helps your heart sing and what makes you feel grateful to be alive, walking around as the person you are.

When two people who are tending and feeding their own inner sparks come together in a relationship, the passion will grow even bigger!

Your spirit might feel nourished and fed as you engage in a hobby, volunteer activity or other activity. It might not be an activity, but a new way of thinking and caring for yourself that helps you to feel more alive.

Whatever works for you, find it and keep on doing it!

#3) Share that sense of passion with your mate.
Don’t worry that your partner will feel threatened as you take a pottery class, write poetry or even go off to play a round of golf.

You can set an example for him or her by making yourself responsible for keeping your inner spark alive. You will also most likely come to interactions with our mate feeling more satisfied, open and relaxed.

But don’t cut out your mate either.

Find ways to share the sense of passion that you feel when you do whatever it is that you do that helps to nourish your spirit.

Even if your partner has no interest in the pottery, the poetry or the golf, he or she can still join in with you. Perhaps your excitement about what you do is similar to his or her excitement about another activity.

Stay open and focus mainly on how much more alive you each feel when you’re tending to your own inner sparks. Honor one another and look for places where your possibly different interests overlap and come together.

Celebrate this and allow connection as both of your passionate feelings converge.

You’re never too old and it’s never too late to re-ignite the spark. Do it for your relationship and do it for yourself.

And that’s all I have to say about that.  Tell us what you think.  We’d love to hear your comments.

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you….  Scotts Link!

You Can’t Have Him

He’s cheated on me, should I forgive him?  I’ve always been a loving caring wife. Over the past 30 years, I’ve done more than my share trying to keep our relationship together but what happens when enough is not enough.  I look at myself in the mirror and ask what happened to that beautiful bubbling butterfly I used to be? I use to feel so good about myself, now I’m so depressed.  It’s not fair, what did I do to deserve this?  Life drains us little by little each day.  I’m so afraid of being along and like so many other women, I’ve grown to accept the error of his ways.  His girlfriend is bold.   She calls our home at least once a day and hangs up when I answer.  She even makes a point to leave her personals in his car to be sure that I find them.  She tries very hard to torment me and most of the time it works.  She wants him, she wants to take the man away from me who has stolen 30 years of my youth.  The man that I supported when he didn’t have a job.  The man that I helped pay his child support to keep him from going to jail.  She wants a part of me that I refuse to give up without a fightShe wants him.  It hasn’t been easy being married to him.  Sometimes he’s as mean as a snake. He snores at night so loud you can hear him a block away. He has so many bad qualities but they are my qualities and I still love him.   Although he’s never hit me, his tongue at times has cut me like a knife.  He belittles me and then builds me up.  I don’t know why I love him so much.  I wonder what he feels when he’s making love to her.  I wonder does he think about me.  At one time, we had passion that was so strong.  I thought that nothing could ever come between us, but what do you do? I know you out there reading this must think I’m crazy and a fool but you have to ask yourself, what you would do.  My husband takes good care of me.  I live in a wonderful neighborhood in a beautiful home.  I drive a new car and I have plenty of money to spend but there’s someone out there who wants what I have and she’s trying hard to take it away from me.  So, just for the record, I’m not leaving so your little games are not going to work.   What’s the quote, “If you love someone, set them free” and if they’re truly yours they’re supposed to come back to you?  I don’t know how true this statement is but I guess I’m about to find out.  She wants to break up our home but I refuse to go without a fight.  I can go the distance so whoever you are, I hope you’re listening.  You see, I’ve vested too much of me into this man and you can’t have him.

What do you think?  We’d love to hear your comments.  Are you competing with the other woman?  Let’s talk about it.

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The love of my life

The love of my life (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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Until we talk…Keep Bloggin……

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