Love for One or Love for All?

3DMainBookWell, I guess that really is the question right? We’ve all seen movies like The Notebook or my all time favorite Titanic — even though it had a very sad ending nonetheless it’s a love story. Love is powerful so powerful that it really does affect your emotions from being really happy one moment to sad the next. It seems like each year the love I have for my husband gets stronger by the year, by the day, or better yet by the hour. See that’s the thing I personally love for one and then I love for all so there are no sides.

Let me explain. I have been in love since I was a teenage girl with my husband for a very long time. I have loved all my life. There’s a slight difference of course. I remember listening to those old soft jams late at night that made my heart melt. I’m what they call the hopeless romantic. I believe one can be happy if he/she is in love. I’m not saying that you can’t fall in love over and over again, I actually hear you can but there’s always that one special guy/girl that takes your breath away. Now the downfall is, just as much as you love them you could hate them just the same.

That’s where the power of love comes in many shapes of emotions. You know how one day you’re in a really good mood but then one little thing could turn your smile into a frown? Love works just the same. Think about that night you got so angry at your spouse, or boyfriend, girlfriend, etc and you said the most meanest thing ever. Whoa now, how could you say you love that person so much but yet you hit it, right where it hurts. Well, there it goes again the shapes of emotions. Some days you will feel head over heals and other days you’d actually feel sad or distant but that doesn’t mean that you’re not in love anymore.

111378Now when you love for all you’re loving everything about your life. Your family, your friends, your accomplishments, your favorite TV show, etc. But just like being in love you will go through the shapes of emotions and some day you may hate those things. Love isn’t something you just say and go on about your day. Say it to yourself one evening while sipping on your favorite beverage and watch how it just rolls out of your tongue and the feeling you get when you say it. Everyone wants to be loved, and be in love as well. The point is, there are going to be days where you want to give up and sadly throw it all away.

But you should never take advantage of the power of love because love is a part of life. I don’t know maybe one day you decide to give up because your ego got in the way or you’ve fallen in love with someone else. Or sadly maybe the other half fell out of love with you — hey it happens. You just have to continue living life and loving all around you because without love you may be lost. Remember this saying by Alfred Lord Tennyson:

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
In the meantime, we need to hear your comments.  For now,  keep bloggin and I’ll see you at the TOP!!!

Love, Dating and Marriage

For one who has spent quite a number of years on the love, dating and marriage scene, I feel qualified to make certain bold statements. Without apology, it is quite clear that every normal human being desires to be happy. However, let the truth be told to those who care to listen that being married or being single has nothing to do with being happy. Deciding to get married because you are presently unhappy may open you up to a rude shock! Conversely, deciding to stay single because many marriages these days don’t last may leave you equally unfulfilled and unhappy. Being happy is a choice, remaining single is a choice and being married is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be the way you want to be. What you choose is what you become! It is this basic lack of understanding that has precipitated the numerous cries of “help save my marriage” that is noised all over the place these days.111474

The western world has the greatest number of relationship experts, counselors, books, and materials yet holds the record of having the highest divorce rate, most number of single parents, and a greater ratio of single women of marriageable age to married than at any other period in time. Furthermore, there is a consistent move away from the heterosexual relationship and an emphasis on same sex relationship/marriage.

In my extensive study and research on the internet, one cannot but wonder if the aim of these so-called experts giving advice in love relationship is to mislead the vulnerable, gullible and unsuspecting consumers of their products and services and sabotage their relationships. One of the tenets of capitalism is to find out what the consumers want, produce, sell and make a killing out of it. The direct consequence of this phenomenon on the relationship scene is that in order to produce best-sellers, experts have continued to churn out stuff that THE CONSUMERS WANT TO HEAR not the things they NEED TO HEAR!!! No wonder the high rate of relationship failure and a destruction of the marriage and family institutions. It is all a game of numbers, and bountiful sales lead to plenty dollars in the bank. It is this burden to make a positive difference in the lives of people and correct all the false psychological theories that birthed this article

Marriage comes with certain ENJOYMENTS that singles are not afforded. Marriage is an adventure that you are encouraged to explore. However, with the enjoyments come the responsibilities. Note that you may enjoy without being happy. You may enjoy the financial security that comes with being married or the sex, the status, the respect you are given for being a married woman/man, the joy of parenthood e.t.c.   No wonder some stay married despite the fact that they are not really happy. The reason is that there are some aspects of the relationship that they are enjoying and to them the benefit of staying married outweighs the divorce/single life option.

UNDERSTANDING THE RESPONSIBILITIES

The male man (man) and the female man (woman) are both human beings but with different roles. In a relationship, two is attempting to become one. They must thus understand that to operate as ONE TEAM each must understand and operate in its unique role. The male becomes the HEAD of the team while the female becomes the HEART of the team. The man is called to lead while the woman is called to help. The heart is the organ to love with while the head is the organ to think, reason and coordinate with. As the heart, it is easy for the woman to be tender and loving but she has to learn to yield, submit to the leadership of her man and to complement and not compete with him. As the head, it is easy for the man to lead and co-ordinate and take the initiative but he must learn to be tender and loving always responding to the heart deep advice and nudging of the woman. This is the perfect team! Anything other than this arrangement is CONFUSION!!

The woman in a relationship may be intelligent and richer than the man but she has to step aside and let him take charge because that is his calling. To illustrate this: Take for example a car. All the occupants of the car may know how to drive. But to get them to their mutual destination only one of them will have to drive. This is because there is only one driver seat. Others may give their opinion as to where and when to turn in order to get them to where they are going but the decision and the responsibility lie in the hands of the driver. That is the man’s role. The moment each person in the relationship understands that marriage comes with enjoyments as well as responsibilities and each person is willing to accept and carry out their responsibilities, true happiness will be the result. This I believe is the best relationship love advice that can be offered at such a difficult time on the relationships scene.

 

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you kid..  Scotts Link!!110889

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce And Rekindle The Love

Many couples are desperate and in need of help and information on how to save a marriage from divorce and get back that “lovin’ feeling” that brought them together in the first place. Too many marriages today have either ended in divorce, are in the process of divorce, or unknowingly headed for divorce. It’s a brutal statistic but 50% of marriages today will be destroyed through a divorce, and that is a conservative estimate!  111359

The great news in all this is that divorce does not need to be the ultimate outcome of your relationship woes. There is so much you can do, right now, to stop the negative momentum in your relationship that is quickly pushing your marriage towards the divorce statistics.

If you are interested and open to learning how to save a marriage from divorce I think you will find this article helpful, and I truly hope that you will take what I share and apply it immediately to your relationship. Time is of the essence when your marriage is on the line. Truth is if you are at this stage and worried about divorce you have already put things off too long. So I challenge and encourage you to read this and then start applying what you learn this very night!

Before you can save your marriage you need to isolate the problems that are threatening it. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see. If your marriage is in trouble there are a few, tell-tale, signs that you need to be aware of and then confront. They include:

1. A lack of desire to be together – This is a huge red flag and needs to be dealt with yesterday! If you and your partner find it painful to “hang-out” and find that you would rather do “whatever” either on your own or with a friend, then very likely there is a serious problem with your relationship. While it is true that everyone is busy, if your daily activities, work commitments, time spent with children and friends so dominate your schedule that there is no time left for your spouse, there is serious trouble brewing and this issue needs to be addressed. If spending time together is not a top priority, then you need to stop everything and re-prioritize your life. How to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love has to include quality time spent together with your spouse!

2. A feeling of resentment – If there is an underlying sense of resentment, (towards your spouse or vice-versa), or perhaps it is even outright, in your face resentment, then you need to be alarmed! This is not a healthy aspect for any marriage and will eat away at your relationship like rust on steroids! If resentment is causing you to feel that you don’t even like your spouse anymore, then your marriage is in a major crisis and you need to take immediate action.

3. A lack or void of intimacy – If you and your spouse have not been intimate for a long time, and it doesn’t seem to bother you, then this is another red flag that should cause you to be concerned. If you are really interested in how to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love, than you have to take a serious look at the intimacy factor in your relationship. While a lack of sex does not mean a marriage is on the rocks, a total lack of intimacy is a good indicator that this is the case. Intimacy is more complex than just sex and includes enjoyment and fulfillment from tender moments spent together, through hugging, kissing, snuggling and just being together physically.

4. An inability to communicate – Another indicator that your marriage is in trouble and may be headed for divorce is when you and your spouse don’t talk or “discuss” things normally anymore; you merely argue and disagree about everything. If conversation has become a chore and it seems easier to just not talk than have to deal with the emotional stress and anxiety you feel after verbal interaction, then now is the time to sit up, take notice and make some serious changes. Open, healthy communication is an absolute essential part of a strong, fulfilling marriage. You will not discover how to save your marriage from divorce until you first discover how to communicate properly and lovingly.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Requires A Game Plan:

OK, now that we have identified some definite red flags and you realize that your relationship troubles may be more serious than you thought, we need to look at positive measures to take now to bring healing and restoration. The following suggestions will answer, in part, the nagging question of, “How to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love again”:

* The first step to bringing healing into your marriage is to open up the lines of communication. You need to take the time to talk. This won’t happen on its own, you must make the time. This needs to be a two-way dialogue where you and your spouse open up to one another and share your concerns. Be honest and address the problems, openly sharing your ideas and thoughts. You and your spouse deserve to know how each other are feeling. Then, together, establish helpful and reasonable solutions.

* Be sure to stay calm and never raise your voice during this time of reconnecting and communicating. Go out of your way to be polite and respectful in your communication skills. The tone of voice and body language can speak volumes, so be aware of both. At all costs, avoid accusations and finger-pointing. If your spouse feels threatened it will be “game-over”. After you have shared your concerns listen carefully, and intently, to your partner’s response and then be proactive in working with her/him in coming up with restorative resolutions of how to save a marriage from divorce.

* If you have success in communicating then continue spending time together working things out. No matter how busy “life” gets couples that want to stay together must find the time to shut out the rest of the world and be alone. You will each, most likely, have to reduce your obligations, but it will be so worth it. Learning how to save a marriage from divorce will involve retraining yourselves and rethinking your priorities.

* Plan a date night! It seems so cliche but it is effective. Even if it only happens once or twice a month, you will find this, alone time, to be extraordinarily advantageous to restoring your relationship. It will enable you to reconnect with one another, helping you to identify and appreciate each other all over again and give you a sense of just how valuable your marriage really is. Do not underestimate the value of this step in your plan of how to save a marriage from divorce.adoreebook

The key of how to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love, is to first and foremost recognize that there is a serious problem and then become immediately proactive in addressing the issues and working together to find, and implement, solutions that will bring reconciliation and healing to the relationship. There is no better time than the present to begin, and time is of the essence…

All the best!

Why Passion is So Important in Your Relationship and Life

Passion is intense feeling, strong excitement, strong affection, love, intense desire and enthusiasm. You can have passion for anything or anyone. We all have a basic need to feel passion.

In other words, passion or being passionate is the fire in our eyes, in our bodies and in our lives that drives us forward–whether it’s for our work, our hobbies, or for our relationships.
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When people lose passion or fire in their lives or in their relationships, you can sure tell it. They go through their lives as if they are on auto-pilot and the joy just seems to have leaked out of them.

When people have passion for life or their relationships, you can also see it and feel it, even if they are quiet about it. Having passion is a way of living every moment of your life to its fullest.

Whether you are waiting in line at the bank, helping your children with homework or talking with your partner, a co-worker or family member–when you have and are living your life with passion, your heart is open to experiencing the joys of connecting with others or even with yourself.

To us, having passion means being truthful, being both powerful and vulnerable, having a willingness to stay and go deeper, taking responsibility for creating what we want in our lives, being open and allowing inner radiance to shine through–and of course being open to connecting with others, as well as with ourselves.

Our list could go on and on and you would probably have other ways of defining what it means to you that would also work– but you get the idea.

What we have discovered is that when it comes to having and feeling passion, you know when you have it and you also know when you don’t.

We were just thinking about a time recently when the two of us had a misunderstanding that could have turned into an ugly situation but didn’t because neither one of us closed to the other. We kept our hearts open to each other and continued working out our differences while we went about our daily activities and work. That’s having and keeping passion for each other and for keeping our relationship alive, growing, close and connected.

Having passion can mean many things in your life and your relationship. We invite you to decide what you are passionate about having in your life and then be open to doing what you need to do to keeping it that way.111350

3 Tips For Reigniting the Spark in Your Love Relationship Or Marriage

A comic wryly jokes about the pitfalls of being in a long-term relationship. He observes that the “adorable and still in love” elderly couple seen walking closely arm-in-arm in the park are actually merely leaning on one another so that they don’t fall down.

According to this comic, there is no such thing as passion in a relationship once you’ve been together for years and years– your body starts to go and you literally need one another just to get around.

This comedian’s jokes got laughs from his audience, but we simply do not agree.111474

When the spark goes out in your love relationship or marriage, it is no laughing matter.

When the spark goes out in your love relationship or marriage, it’s not inevitable either.

Julia looks with envy at her married friends. She has had several serious relationships, but none of them have been serious enough to take that step to get married.

Sometimes it’s the guy who seems unable to take their commitment to a deeper level. And sometimes it’s Julia who becomes bored or dissatisfied with her partner. She ends up breaking it off because she can’t envision herself spending the rest of her life with this man.

Still, Julia hopes that one day she will find the right guy and get married. She’d like to be in a long-term relationship that is filled with passion and stays that way. But she’s also a realist. She knows that isn’t what normally happens.

You might already be married or in a committed relationship. You might feel a lack of romance or passion with your partner but, just like Julia and the comic above, you believe that it’s natural and even unavoidable.

We’re here to help you question that belief. We’re here to tell you that you don’t have to settle for a spark-less relationship.

The excitement that you crave with your partner can be re-ignited, sustained and even expanded upon.

Here are 3 tips to get you started….

#1) Create an expectation that you and your mate will be connected and passionate as long as you are together.

Many people carry around the expectation that there is a “honeymoon” phase in every relationship (even those that don’t involve marriage) and, after that, it’s all downhill. You and your partner settle into sharing life together and there simply isn’t time or energy for passion.

If you look around, you might very well find that others in long-term relationships seem to go through this type of trajectory. As the couple gets to know one another, it’s all cards, flowers and romance. After a time, however, the flame dwindles and sometimes even dies out.

Part of the problem here is that people expect that after a certain number of years or after a particular age, you cannot share sensuality, red hot love or an enlivening closeness with one another– it seems nearly impossible.

If you hold such beliefs and expectations, we recommend that you think again. Ask yourself this: Is it true that every single couple who has ever been together has lost their spark at a certain point in their relationship?

If you put the question in that way, you’ll undoubtedly determine that you can’t know this with any certainty.

The truth is, there are scores of couples all across the globe who do enjoy that kind of passion. You might even know people who have created such a relationship.

And we’d bet that none of those couples hold an expectation that it is “natural” for the spark to go out.

The great news is this: You can change your expectations. It requires you become aware of the way you tend to think and believe. It also requires you to introduce new thoughts and beliefs into your consciousness.

#2) Find your inner spark and keep feeding your spirit.
Julia has begun to shift her expectations about passion in love relationships and especially marriages. She’s even found a few role model couples that have given her hope that excitement can stay alive in long-term relationships.

While Julia is currently single, she is finding ways to keep her own inner spark flourishing. She’s starting to realize that it’s not the responsibility of her future partner to keep her sense of spirit and spark strong– that’s her job– regardless of her relationship status.

Don’t focus on all of the ways that your partner seemingly fails to ignite a spark in your relationship. Instead, take responsibility for figuring out what helps your heart sing and what makes you feel grateful to be alive, walking around as the person you are.

When two people who are tending and feeding their own inner sparks come together in a relationship, the passion will grow even bigger!

Your spirit might feel nourished and fed as you engage in a hobby, volunteer activity or other activity. It might not be an activity, but a new way of thinking and caring for yourself that helps you to feel more alive.

Whatever works for you, find it and keep on doing it!

#3) Share that sense of passion with your mate.
Don’t worry that your partner will feel threatened as you take a pottery class, write poetry or even go off to play a round of golf.

You can set an example for him or her by making yourself responsible for keeping your inner spark alive. You will also most likely come to interactions with our mate feeling more satisfied, open and relaxed.

But don’t cut out your mate either.

Find ways to share the sense of passion that you feel when you do whatever it is that you do that helps to nourish your spirit.

Even if your partner has no interest in the pottery, the poetry or the golf, he or she can still join in with you. Perhaps your excitement about what you do is similar to his or her excitement about another activity.

Stay open and focus mainly on how much more alive you each feel when you’re tending to your own inner sparks. Honor one another and look for places where your possibly different interests overlap and come together.

Celebrate this and allow connection as both of your passionate feelings converge.

You’re never too old and it’s never too late to re-ignite the spark. Do it for your relationship and do it for yourself.

And that’s all I have to say about that.  Tell us what you think.  We’d love to hear your comments.

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you….  Scotts Link!

Relationships and Dating – Older Women are not Cougars

First, let’s get one thing straight, we (older women) are not predators.  We are solely, mature, wise, intelligent females who are deserving in this world and we deserve to be happy.  If a man our age cannot keep up with our sexual requirements, then there is nothing wrong with our desire to seek out the “younger” male.  At 55, some of us have just started to live.  So we want to live life to the fullest.  Holding nothing back.  I for one do not wish to spend my life alone.  I am thankful each and every day that I have a man in my life who I adore.  I love him so much and I wish that every woman will have the opportunity to experience this kind of love.Click Here

Women have made significant strides in eliminating the barriers and double standards that were so commonplace a generation ago. It doesn’t mean we as a society have reached the equal opportunity plateau but things are changing. Yet the double standard in some areas not only exists but remains entrenched. A perfect example is in the older woman younger man relationship.

When the shoe is on the other foot; namely an older man young woman, it seems the perspective changes significantly. After all it’s been around and accepted longer than most of us can remember. An older man gets a pat on the back while listening to an overwhelming majority of people sing his praises. He’s still got it is a common refrain. Not so for the older woman. It’s all too often considered indecent or shameful that she would even think about dating someone outside of her age group. Never mind the fact that both parties are two consenting adults that just happen to find each other attractive while enjoying their time together. Currently there is a new terminology for older woman younger man dating called cougar dating. The implication is fun and intimacy without any serious commitment and for many adults that’s okay. But in essence cougar means on the prowl ready to pounce on any unsuspecting prey and moving on. Also understand that term does not apply to both parties. Specifically it is the older woman seen as the predator. Yes some sophisticated older women may be interested in nothing more than a one night stand or a May – December romance. But as you have already figured out that is also the way it is with many older men and yet no one calls that type of relationship lion dating. Whether certain well to do unattached older women made up the name for themselves is irrelevant. The point is society has decided to latch on to the phraseology and paint this kind of relationship as something other than what it is. People are people and no matter what the age range and or difference there are different motivations and desires at work when it comes to a relationship. For the majority of older women younger men it is about two individuals. Nothing more, nothing less. Like any dating relationship, there is attraction a certain amount of compatibility and a willingness to see if there is something to build on. The fact that an older woman is singled out and labeled for being in this kind of a relationship tells you as a society we still have a long way to go when it comes to female equality. And that’s all I have to say about that. What do you think about the whole Cougar thing? We’d love to hear your comments on the subject. Drop us some lines. In the meantime, check out the following sites and put some magic in your life. Go to: http://scottlnkdesign.com and http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website For matters of the heart: http://designsintuition.com/passion also

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Dating and Relationships: Why Didn’t He Call?

It’s Saturday night, you’re out with a few friends and unexpectedly you meet a handsome stranger. You end up spending most of the evening flirting, drinking, laughing, talking &adoreebook dancing. At the end of the night, he asks you for your number as he say’s he would like to take you out for dinner.

As you get into the cab feeling ever so elated, you mentally press rewind and start replaying the evening in the back of your mind. You break out in an uncontrollable grin, despite the fact that your new pair of heels have left your feet sore and it’s 5.00am. Your thoughts are then rudely interrupted with the sound of a text alert. As you reach in your handbag, you silently wish for it to be him. YES! It’s him, telling you how much he enjoyed your company and will call you later on… OH YES, ISN’T LIFE GREAT!

Sunday afternoon – hmmm no phone call, he’s probably sleeping, it was a late night, I’m sure he’ll call tonight… Sunday evening – I know he has a pretty early start with his job, so in between nursing a hangover and sorting himself out for work, he will probably leave it for tomorrow. Monday evening – may be he’s playing it cool, he doesn’t want to come across too keen, guys are like that, aren’t they? Tuesday evening – Why hasn’t he called? He said he liked me and wanted to take me out for dinner. Why did he say all of this, if he was not interested?

For all you guys reading this, it’s true, this is what most women who you’ve said you would call, go through. Whilst it may just have been a polite gesture on your part, or a spontaneous request, by not calling you hurt someone’s feelings. If you think this is OTT, just think of those times when you have plucked up the courage to approach a woman, after you think she has been giving you signals, just to be outright rejected. If you’re smirking thinking, well now she knows how it feels, two wrongs don’t make a right!

And guys in case you’re thinking, well she’s got my number, why doesn’t she just call me? Firstly, you asked for the number, so the onus is on you to follow up. Secondly, you said you were going to call, if a woman then chooses to call, there’s a good chance you’re going to think she’s overly keen or just desperate. And thirdly, women also have pride. But let’s be honest here, without the chase your interest is going to wane anyway, isn’t it?

So ladies why hasn’t he called? Often, when guys ask you for your number, at that precise moment he intends to use it. After that moment has literally passed, a new game comes into play. The next morning he will mull over it, questioning whether he had his beer goggles on? How well he connected with you – does he see any long term potential, or is it best left as a night of fun? Is he ready to, or can he even be bothered to, have a relationship? And the list could go on. But in a nutshell, if he hasn’t called you within 72 hours, he’s just not interested. It doesn’t matter how busy a guy is, if he genuinely likes you, he will find the time to contact you.

For arguments sake, let’s reverse the tables for a moment. Guys imagine that you meet someone at a singles event, or in a bar and you really like her. You spend most of the evening with her, and at the end of the night you ask her for her number. She insists on taking yours and says she will call you. How does it make you feel, when that call does not come? If you put your male ego aside, part of you will probably be disappointed and you may move on quickly. On the other hand, depending on how much you liked her, in your ‘male-way’ you will pretty much go through the same motions, as women do.

Thus, the moral of this story is that we are all adults. If it is just a ‘one evening thing’ then leave it at that. If you’re not going to make that call, please don’t take, or ask for their number!  And that’s all I have to say about that.  In the meantime check us out and please leave us your comments.  We’d love to hear from you.

Check out these sites:  http://scottlnkdesign.com and http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website and http://designsintuition.com/passion, you could win a brand new Ipad!!!!

Scotts Link!

Seven Secrets to Find A Good Mate

4061251. Make a list of qualities you’d like in a mate. Then look at that list and get to work on having all those qualities yourself. It is not that you are looking for the “right one.” That is a “gimme” attitude. Become the “right one” that someone else would love to have as a spouse. Are you kind? Can you keep your apartment/house clean? Do you get places on time? Take some time to write down your answers to these questions. Use a spiral, or a journal…just do it.

2. Take a year (or at least 6 months) to get to know yourself without dating. Do you know what you like and dislike? What are your natural talents? What skills have you learned? What are your dreams? How would you like your life to be in 50 years? Do you know yourself? Are you living a life of total honesty and not deceiving anyone, including yourself?

3. STOP having sex and don’t move in with anyone. This is the #1 mistake women and men make over and over. Why would they want to marry you if they can have sex anytime and for free? Show me a woman who won’t go to bed with a man, who thinks of herself as a precious jewel, but is not arrogant, who is confident and happy with who she is and I’ll show you a woman that men are irresistibly attracted to.

4. Become content with being by yourself and without any person to make you feel complete. The best marriages are when two separate people are successful in their own lives (and in their own eyes!). They have accepted who they are and come to love themselves exact the way they are today. Can you say that about yourself?

5. Don’t worry and live in this day right now. Don’t look all the way down the journey. Just look at today and what you can do to make today better…for you. Take little tiny baby steps. And then take another step forward tomorrow. Always move forward. Forget the past and your mistakes. Lay them down. Better yet, learn the lessons from your past and MOVE ON!

6. Keep moving forward & keep getting up. Professional football players are amazing. After the play stops, they get up or jump to their feet and go back to the huddle or the line of scrimmage to execute the next play. All that seems to matter is that they gain a yard here, a few yards there, yet they are slowly moving in a forward direction. We can analyze too much, instead of putting one foot in front of the other, having faith that it will all work out for the best.

7. Ask for help when you need it. Everyone needs help at some time or another. No one gets totally healthy all in one day. It is a process; it takes time. Older and wiser people really have good advice to give. It will be well worth your time to listen and perhaps save yourself months and years of regret and sorrow. Be humble enough to listen to another’s suggestion, so that you don’t have to make the mistakes they did and so that you can live a fuller, more satisfying life!

Do Happy Marriages/Relationships Exist?

adoreebookHave you ever wondered how the people in happy marriages do it? Like how do they manage to be loving to their spouse day in and day out, no matter how cranky they are? How is it that these happy couples can put the needs of their significant other before their own needs all the time? Are they selfless? Not to mention trust. Most of us don’t know what it is to be able to fully trust ourselves, let alone another person, but people in happy marriages will tell you that it’s one of the main elements of a good relationship, so how do they manage to balance all of it?

It Is Not a Juggling Act, But Sometimes It Can Feel Like It Is

There are some basic elements of relationships that will allow you to go to the next level, from dating, to engagement, to marriage. It’s pretty unlikely that you would have gotten into a committed relationship with the person you’re married to if you didn’t have some of the essential building blocks for happy marriages at the beginning, so chances are that somewhere along the lines, factors such as mortgage payments, jobs and kids got in the way of the way that the two of you interact, so you’re going to have to bring it back out.

What to Nurture

Yes, there is that word – nurture. You need to work to nurture certain aspects of your relationship so that the two of you can feel that you’re in a solid committed relationship where you really and truly matter to each other. In other words, even though you both know that life would go on without the other one, it wouldn’t be nearly as fabulous. Stop thinking only about what you as an individual can do and start thinking about what you as a couple can do and you might begin to see what makes happy marriages tick.

Remember when you were a kid and you used to want to hang out with your best friend all the time? You did everything together and your parents thought that they had adopted a child. How fun was that? Now, you married your best friend, right? Well, maybe not, but happy marriages all around the world will tell you that life can be like one big “camp out” with your best friend. Start looking for ways to laugh together. Talk about everything. Like what interests them and you individually and you as a couple. The key is to show an interest in what your spouse is interested in and they will reciprocate for you and that’s a friendship.

Don’t forget to make time for intimacy. If your partner sees you make time for them in a completely giving way, not a ‘taking’ way, they will feel loved, not used. This is very important in any happy relationship and you will find all happy marriages have the couple loving one another intimately and with ‘loving respect.’ Building trust and self esteem in each other, will also take you into the land of happier marriages faster than you could realize. When your partner sees that you accept everything about them, they will drop the guarded, fearful behavior and let the real them shine. Remember that happy relationships have their own rhythm and take their own time. Yes, happy marriages do exist. So, from now on, focus on you and your relationship and work on getting yourselves to a state of happiness in your marriage everyday.

7 Rules in the Dating Game

410133It is a well considered opinion that the best approach to dating is to see it as a game. All games have rules. From the traditional to the professional games of all shades and colours, rules are at the base of its enjoyment. The dating game is not left out. In fact, knowing the dating game rules and playing by it is a sine quo non for success in dating. These dating rules are applicable throughout the season of dating and beyond and would be helpful in sustaining the courtship and marriage relationships that could flow from a dating relationship. It applies to younger people who are dating for the purpose of socialization as well as the older people who are dating for the purpose of marriage. These rules also apply to relationships unrelated to dating, courtship and marriage. Learned and applied on other facets of life, these rules would give one the advantage in situations where dealing with other people are involved.

Rule 1: Independence and Sense of Self-worth

Your primary concern in any relationship – regardless of what kind of relationship it is – is to be yourself. This means that you need to know what you want from life and the relationship. You need to love and respect yourself. You need to know that you are an individual with potential for the best in life and not be prepared to settle for less. You might ask yourself these questions before you take up the dating bull by its horns – Who do I think that I am? What do I want from this relationship? Where are my moral boundaries? How much do I love myself? It would be a great idea to measure your self-esteem and self-confidence levels and ascertain that you are absolutely sure that you could not be confused by veiled seductive signals from the opposite sex.

Rule 2: Be prepared to create and have fun

The base purpose of all games is to create and have fun. There is no reason the dating game should be otherwise. When we try to make other people happy, we are happy ourselves. So, this is a rule you can derive its dual benefits with one act. The law of reciprocity comes to play here. If you give, you receive, most times double or ten times over. The next time, therefore, you have a date coming, remember this rule and get prepared in your mind on those things you can do to create fun for your partner so that you can also have fun. The success of any dating effort is rated by how much fun both partners had. If you deliberately plan and do make your date feel happy while you were out together, the better you feel yourself. It must be stated, though, that the fun spoken about here is not fornication – sexual intercourse.

Rule 3: Effective Communication

Effective communication is the bedrock of all relationships whether or not connected to affairs of the heart. Nowhere is this more critical than in the affairs of the heart. In fact, the dating and courtship period of every relationship is the time to learn and apply this rule so that one would be wise in it. In effective communication, you are not only just required to communicate well; you are required to help your partner to understand you. This could be a thorny challenge in life. Without effective communication, it would be difficult to find friendship, trust, respect, love, understanding, etc where the requisite building blocks of the foundation for joyful relationships are based. This is a critical rule. The Achilles’ heel to this rule is premarital sex. One of the ways to learn and apply this rule is to ask a lot of questions throughout the dating meeting.

Rule 4: Be Prepared To Discuss Differences

It is not all the time that your ability to communicate or obey rules would give you a smooth ride in a dating relationship. There are times that communication breaks down even between two people who may have thought that all is going well with their relationship. During those stormy seasons in a growing relationship, the ability to calmly discuss the differences is very helpful. Sometimes it is the only security for the relationship to continue. To be able to work through these rough waters of relationship, both partners should be willing to put all the cards on the table and discuss their differences with respect for each other’s boundaries and individuality.

Rule 5: Nurture Your Relationship

Every dating relationship and indeed all relationships, whether business, social, intimate and even the ultimate, marriage, need to be nurtured to keep going. Constant appreciation, value, consideration, reciprocity and thoughtfulness all help in showing each partner that he/she is cherished and valued and gives them a feeling that they have a place in your life. It must be stated though that these does not include sexual favors. In fact, premarital sex would harm the relationship badly.

Rule 6: Avoid Premarital Sex

There many reasons why you should avoid premarital sex. If that does not appeal to you, it would be wise to note that it is a breaking of the rule of the game of dating to have sexual intercourse during dating. The only time sexual intercourse is acceptable in human relationships is in lawful and legal wedlock. Premarital sex would take away the opportunity to build friendship and trust which are critical for the future development of the relationship to courtship and marriage. Premarital sex scuttles the ability of couples to learn and apply effective communication.

Rule 7: Ask The Most Important Questions On The First Date

This is critical especially if you are dating for the purpose of marriage. Some people believe it would have been better if the critical questions like family finance, how many children, extended family, demographics, sex, religion, etc, should be asked after the dating relationship has advanced far and may be into courtship. On the contrary, it best to trash the thorny issues first. If for example you are dating for marriage, is there any reason to waste several months with a man or woman whose financial plan, religion, demographics, number of children, sex and extended family ideas are at variance with yours. You can trash these issues on the first date and that would help you know whether you should see the person again.