Love for One or Love for All?

3DMainBookWell, I guess that really is the question right? We’ve all seen movies like The Notebook or my all time favorite Titanic — even though it had a very sad ending nonetheless it’s a love story. Love is powerful so powerful that it really does affect your emotions from being really happy one moment to sad the next. It seems like each year the love I have for my husband gets stronger by the year, by the day, or better yet by the hour. See that’s the thing I personally love for one and then I love for all so there are no sides.

Let me explain. I have been in love since I was a teenage girl with my husband for a very long time. I have loved all my life. There’s a slight difference of course. I remember listening to those old soft jams late at night that made my heart melt. I’m what they call the hopeless romantic. I believe one can be happy if he/she is in love. I’m not saying that you can’t fall in love over and over again, I actually hear you can but there’s always that one special guy/girl that takes your breath away. Now the downfall is, just as much as you love them you could hate them just the same.

That’s where the power of love comes in many shapes of emotions. You know how one day you’re in a really good mood but then one little thing could turn your smile into a frown? Love works just the same. Think about that night you got so angry at your spouse, or boyfriend, girlfriend, etc and you said the most meanest thing ever. Whoa now, how could you say you love that person so much but yet you hit it, right where it hurts. Well, there it goes again the shapes of emotions. Some days you will feel head over heals and other days you’d actually feel sad or distant but that doesn’t mean that you’re not in love anymore.

111378Now when you love for all you’re loving everything about your life. Your family, your friends, your accomplishments, your favorite TV show, etc. But just like being in love you will go through the shapes of emotions and some day you may hate those things. Love isn’t something you just say and go on about your day. Say it to yourself one evening while sipping on your favorite beverage and watch how it just rolls out of your tongue and the feeling you get when you say it. Everyone wants to be loved, and be in love as well. The point is, there are going to be days where you want to give up and sadly throw it all away.

But you should never take advantage of the power of love because love is a part of life. I don’t know maybe one day you decide to give up because your ego got in the way or you’ve fallen in love with someone else. Or sadly maybe the other half fell out of love with you — hey it happens. You just have to continue living life and loving all around you because without love you may be lost. Remember this saying by Alfred Lord Tennyson:

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
In the meantime, we need to hear your comments.  For now,  keep bloggin and I’ll see you at the TOP!!!

Love, Dating and Marriage

For one who has spent quite a number of years on the love, dating and marriage scene, I feel qualified to make certain bold statements. Without apology, it is quite clear that every normal human being desires to be happy. However, let the truth be told to those who care to listen that being married or being single has nothing to do with being happy. Deciding to get married because you are presently unhappy may open you up to a rude shock! Conversely, deciding to stay single because many marriages these days don’t last may leave you equally unfulfilled and unhappy. Being happy is a choice, remaining single is a choice and being married is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be the way you want to be. What you choose is what you become! It is this basic lack of understanding that has precipitated the numerous cries of “help save my marriage” that is noised all over the place these days.111474

The western world has the greatest number of relationship experts, counselors, books, and materials yet holds the record of having the highest divorce rate, most number of single parents, and a greater ratio of single women of marriageable age to married than at any other period in time. Furthermore, there is a consistent move away from the heterosexual relationship and an emphasis on same sex relationship/marriage.

In my extensive study and research on the internet, one cannot but wonder if the aim of these so-called experts giving advice in love relationship is to mislead the vulnerable, gullible and unsuspecting consumers of their products and services and sabotage their relationships. One of the tenets of capitalism is to find out what the consumers want, produce, sell and make a killing out of it. The direct consequence of this phenomenon on the relationship scene is that in order to produce best-sellers, experts have continued to churn out stuff that THE CONSUMERS WANT TO HEAR not the things they NEED TO HEAR!!! No wonder the high rate of relationship failure and a destruction of the marriage and family institutions. It is all a game of numbers, and bountiful sales lead to plenty dollars in the bank. It is this burden to make a positive difference in the lives of people and correct all the false psychological theories that birthed this article

Marriage comes with certain ENJOYMENTS that singles are not afforded. Marriage is an adventure that you are encouraged to explore. However, with the enjoyments come the responsibilities. Note that you may enjoy without being happy. You may enjoy the financial security that comes with being married or the sex, the status, the respect you are given for being a married woman/man, the joy of parenthood e.t.c.   No wonder some stay married despite the fact that they are not really happy. The reason is that there are some aspects of the relationship that they are enjoying and to them the benefit of staying married outweighs the divorce/single life option.

UNDERSTANDING THE RESPONSIBILITIES

The male man (man) and the female man (woman) are both human beings but with different roles. In a relationship, two is attempting to become one. They must thus understand that to operate as ONE TEAM each must understand and operate in its unique role. The male becomes the HEAD of the team while the female becomes the HEART of the team. The man is called to lead while the woman is called to help. The heart is the organ to love with while the head is the organ to think, reason and coordinate with. As the heart, it is easy for the woman to be tender and loving but she has to learn to yield, submit to the leadership of her man and to complement and not compete with him. As the head, it is easy for the man to lead and co-ordinate and take the initiative but he must learn to be tender and loving always responding to the heart deep advice and nudging of the woman. This is the perfect team! Anything other than this arrangement is CONFUSION!!

The woman in a relationship may be intelligent and richer than the man but she has to step aside and let him take charge because that is his calling. To illustrate this: Take for example a car. All the occupants of the car may know how to drive. But to get them to their mutual destination only one of them will have to drive. This is because there is only one driver seat. Others may give their opinion as to where and when to turn in order to get them to where they are going but the decision and the responsibility lie in the hands of the driver. That is the man’s role. The moment each person in the relationship understands that marriage comes with enjoyments as well as responsibilities and each person is willing to accept and carry out their responsibilities, true happiness will be the result. This I believe is the best relationship love advice that can be offered at such a difficult time on the relationships scene.

 

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you kid..  Scotts Link!!110889

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce And Rekindle The Love

Many couples are desperate and in need of help and information on how to save a marriage from divorce and get back that “lovin’ feeling” that brought them together in the first place. Too many marriages today have either ended in divorce, are in the process of divorce, or unknowingly headed for divorce. It’s a brutal statistic but 50% of marriages today will be destroyed through a divorce, and that is a conservative estimate!  111359

The great news in all this is that divorce does not need to be the ultimate outcome of your relationship woes. There is so much you can do, right now, to stop the negative momentum in your relationship that is quickly pushing your marriage towards the divorce statistics.

If you are interested and open to learning how to save a marriage from divorce I think you will find this article helpful, and I truly hope that you will take what I share and apply it immediately to your relationship. Time is of the essence when your marriage is on the line. Truth is if you are at this stage and worried about divorce you have already put things off too long. So I challenge and encourage you to read this and then start applying what you learn this very night!

Before you can save your marriage you need to isolate the problems that are threatening it. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see. If your marriage is in trouble there are a few, tell-tale, signs that you need to be aware of and then confront. They include:

1. A lack of desire to be together – This is a huge red flag and needs to be dealt with yesterday! If you and your partner find it painful to “hang-out” and find that you would rather do “whatever” either on your own or with a friend, then very likely there is a serious problem with your relationship. While it is true that everyone is busy, if your daily activities, work commitments, time spent with children and friends so dominate your schedule that there is no time left for your spouse, there is serious trouble brewing and this issue needs to be addressed. If spending time together is not a top priority, then you need to stop everything and re-prioritize your life. How to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love has to include quality time spent together with your spouse!

2. A feeling of resentment – If there is an underlying sense of resentment, (towards your spouse or vice-versa), or perhaps it is even outright, in your face resentment, then you need to be alarmed! This is not a healthy aspect for any marriage and will eat away at your relationship like rust on steroids! If resentment is causing you to feel that you don’t even like your spouse anymore, then your marriage is in a major crisis and you need to take immediate action.

3. A lack or void of intimacy – If you and your spouse have not been intimate for a long time, and it doesn’t seem to bother you, then this is another red flag that should cause you to be concerned. If you are really interested in how to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love, than you have to take a serious look at the intimacy factor in your relationship. While a lack of sex does not mean a marriage is on the rocks, a total lack of intimacy is a good indicator that this is the case. Intimacy is more complex than just sex and includes enjoyment and fulfillment from tender moments spent together, through hugging, kissing, snuggling and just being together physically.

4. An inability to communicate – Another indicator that your marriage is in trouble and may be headed for divorce is when you and your spouse don’t talk or “discuss” things normally anymore; you merely argue and disagree about everything. If conversation has become a chore and it seems easier to just not talk than have to deal with the emotional stress and anxiety you feel after verbal interaction, then now is the time to sit up, take notice and make some serious changes. Open, healthy communication is an absolute essential part of a strong, fulfilling marriage. You will not discover how to save your marriage from divorce until you first discover how to communicate properly and lovingly.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Requires A Game Plan:

OK, now that we have identified some definite red flags and you realize that your relationship troubles may be more serious than you thought, we need to look at positive measures to take now to bring healing and restoration. The following suggestions will answer, in part, the nagging question of, “How to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love again”:

* The first step to bringing healing into your marriage is to open up the lines of communication. You need to take the time to talk. This won’t happen on its own, you must make the time. This needs to be a two-way dialogue where you and your spouse open up to one another and share your concerns. Be honest and address the problems, openly sharing your ideas and thoughts. You and your spouse deserve to know how each other are feeling. Then, together, establish helpful and reasonable solutions.

* Be sure to stay calm and never raise your voice during this time of reconnecting and communicating. Go out of your way to be polite and respectful in your communication skills. The tone of voice and body language can speak volumes, so be aware of both. At all costs, avoid accusations and finger-pointing. If your spouse feels threatened it will be “game-over”. After you have shared your concerns listen carefully, and intently, to your partner’s response and then be proactive in working with her/him in coming up with restorative resolutions of how to save a marriage from divorce.

* If you have success in communicating then continue spending time together working things out. No matter how busy “life” gets couples that want to stay together must find the time to shut out the rest of the world and be alone. You will each, most likely, have to reduce your obligations, but it will be so worth it. Learning how to save a marriage from divorce will involve retraining yourselves and rethinking your priorities.

* Plan a date night! It seems so cliche but it is effective. Even if it only happens once or twice a month, you will find this, alone time, to be extraordinarily advantageous to restoring your relationship. It will enable you to reconnect with one another, helping you to identify and appreciate each other all over again and give you a sense of just how valuable your marriage really is. Do not underestimate the value of this step in your plan of how to save a marriage from divorce.adoreebook

The key of how to save a marriage from divorce and fall back in love, is to first and foremost recognize that there is a serious problem and then become immediately proactive in addressing the issues and working together to find, and implement, solutions that will bring reconciliation and healing to the relationship. There is no better time than the present to begin, and time is of the essence…

All the best!

Why Passion is So Important in Your Relationship and Life

Passion is intense feeling, strong excitement, strong affection, love, intense desire and enthusiasm. You can have passion for anything or anyone. We all have a basic need to feel passion.

In other words, passion or being passionate is the fire in our eyes, in our bodies and in our lives that drives us forward–whether it’s for our work, our hobbies, or for our relationships.
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When people lose passion or fire in their lives or in their relationships, you can sure tell it. They go through their lives as if they are on auto-pilot and the joy just seems to have leaked out of them.

When people have passion for life or their relationships, you can also see it and feel it, even if they are quiet about it. Having passion is a way of living every moment of your life to its fullest.

Whether you are waiting in line at the bank, helping your children with homework or talking with your partner, a co-worker or family member–when you have and are living your life with passion, your heart is open to experiencing the joys of connecting with others or even with yourself.

To us, having passion means being truthful, being both powerful and vulnerable, having a willingness to stay and go deeper, taking responsibility for creating what we want in our lives, being open and allowing inner radiance to shine through–and of course being open to connecting with others, as well as with ourselves.

Our list could go on and on and you would probably have other ways of defining what it means to you that would also work– but you get the idea.

What we have discovered is that when it comes to having and feeling passion, you know when you have it and you also know when you don’t.

We were just thinking about a time recently when the two of us had a misunderstanding that could have turned into an ugly situation but didn’t because neither one of us closed to the other. We kept our hearts open to each other and continued working out our differences while we went about our daily activities and work. That’s having and keeping passion for each other and for keeping our relationship alive, growing, close and connected.

Having passion can mean many things in your life and your relationship. We invite you to decide what you are passionate about having in your life and then be open to doing what you need to do to keeping it that way.111350

3 Tips For Reigniting the Spark in Your Love Relationship Or Marriage

A comic wryly jokes about the pitfalls of being in a long-term relationship. He observes that the “adorable and still in love” elderly couple seen walking closely arm-in-arm in the park are actually merely leaning on one another so that they don’t fall down.

According to this comic, there is no such thing as passion in a relationship once you’ve been together for years and years– your body starts to go and you literally need one another just to get around.

This comedian’s jokes got laughs from his audience, but we simply do not agree.111474

When the spark goes out in your love relationship or marriage, it is no laughing matter.

When the spark goes out in your love relationship or marriage, it’s not inevitable either.

Julia looks with envy at her married friends. She has had several serious relationships, but none of them have been serious enough to take that step to get married.

Sometimes it’s the guy who seems unable to take their commitment to a deeper level. And sometimes it’s Julia who becomes bored or dissatisfied with her partner. She ends up breaking it off because she can’t envision herself spending the rest of her life with this man.

Still, Julia hopes that one day she will find the right guy and get married. She’d like to be in a long-term relationship that is filled with passion and stays that way. But she’s also a realist. She knows that isn’t what normally happens.

You might already be married or in a committed relationship. You might feel a lack of romance or passion with your partner but, just like Julia and the comic above, you believe that it’s natural and even unavoidable.

We’re here to help you question that belief. We’re here to tell you that you don’t have to settle for a spark-less relationship.

The excitement that you crave with your partner can be re-ignited, sustained and even expanded upon.

Here are 3 tips to get you started….

#1) Create an expectation that you and your mate will be connected and passionate as long as you are together.

Many people carry around the expectation that there is a “honeymoon” phase in every relationship (even those that don’t involve marriage) and, after that, it’s all downhill. You and your partner settle into sharing life together and there simply isn’t time or energy for passion.

If you look around, you might very well find that others in long-term relationships seem to go through this type of trajectory. As the couple gets to know one another, it’s all cards, flowers and romance. After a time, however, the flame dwindles and sometimes even dies out.

Part of the problem here is that people expect that after a certain number of years or after a particular age, you cannot share sensuality, red hot love or an enlivening closeness with one another– it seems nearly impossible.

If you hold such beliefs and expectations, we recommend that you think again. Ask yourself this: Is it true that every single couple who has ever been together has lost their spark at a certain point in their relationship?

If you put the question in that way, you’ll undoubtedly determine that you can’t know this with any certainty.

The truth is, there are scores of couples all across the globe who do enjoy that kind of passion. You might even know people who have created such a relationship.

And we’d bet that none of those couples hold an expectation that it is “natural” for the spark to go out.

The great news is this: You can change your expectations. It requires you become aware of the way you tend to think and believe. It also requires you to introduce new thoughts and beliefs into your consciousness.

#2) Find your inner spark and keep feeding your spirit.
Julia has begun to shift her expectations about passion in love relationships and especially marriages. She’s even found a few role model couples that have given her hope that excitement can stay alive in long-term relationships.

While Julia is currently single, she is finding ways to keep her own inner spark flourishing. She’s starting to realize that it’s not the responsibility of her future partner to keep her sense of spirit and spark strong– that’s her job– regardless of her relationship status.

Don’t focus on all of the ways that your partner seemingly fails to ignite a spark in your relationship. Instead, take responsibility for figuring out what helps your heart sing and what makes you feel grateful to be alive, walking around as the person you are.

When two people who are tending and feeding their own inner sparks come together in a relationship, the passion will grow even bigger!

Your spirit might feel nourished and fed as you engage in a hobby, volunteer activity or other activity. It might not be an activity, but a new way of thinking and caring for yourself that helps you to feel more alive.

Whatever works for you, find it and keep on doing it!

#3) Share that sense of passion with your mate.
Don’t worry that your partner will feel threatened as you take a pottery class, write poetry or even go off to play a round of golf.

You can set an example for him or her by making yourself responsible for keeping your inner spark alive. You will also most likely come to interactions with our mate feeling more satisfied, open and relaxed.

But don’t cut out your mate either.

Find ways to share the sense of passion that you feel when you do whatever it is that you do that helps to nourish your spirit.

Even if your partner has no interest in the pottery, the poetry or the golf, he or she can still join in with you. Perhaps your excitement about what you do is similar to his or her excitement about another activity.

Stay open and focus mainly on how much more alive you each feel when you’re tending to your own inner sparks. Honor one another and look for places where your possibly different interests overlap and come together.

Celebrate this and allow connection as both of your passionate feelings converge.

You’re never too old and it’s never too late to re-ignite the spark. Do it for your relationship and do it for yourself.

And that’s all I have to say about that.  Tell us what you think.  We’d love to hear your comments.

Until the next time, here’s bloggin at you….  Scotts Link!

Real Love Versus the Fake Stuff

Do you know the difference between real and fake love?

Just like any counterfeit object or characteristic, it can be tricky to know and identify the real from the fake. Sometimes, even experts can’t tell what is genuine and what is not. The fake stuff resembles the real thing in many aspects. The facade can look exactly like the true article. Hollywood sets with their cardboard exteriors are good examples of that. So when it comes to falling in love, if the object of your affection looks good, sounds reasonable, and seems to feel the same way you do, you may not get it that he or she is not what you think they are. What are the defining characteristics that can signal to you what is real and what is fake? What are the warning signs you need to heed? Essentially, the fake love fades away as soon as the chemistry wears off. But love endures, showing up in the actions and deeds of the two people.

Here are the signs of fake love:111442

1. Time

Fake love, which is chemistry only, lasts anywhere from three weeks to a year and a half and then disappears. Real love loses the immediacy of the chemical rush, but retains chemistry while it grows deeper and calmer. The onset of both kinds of love is marked by obsession. For a period of time, the two people in love cannot think about anything but the other one. They may lose weight, lose sleep, and lose all concept of time. Nothing else exists for them except the other person. When this chemical high wears off, the true picture of the person emerges for them. All of the above involves…time.

2. Projection

Fake love, based primarily on physical intimacy, is what two people assume about each other.  They can’t see future problems. Idealized qualities, lives built on fantasy, and a perfect life together dominates their thoughts. Each one insists that the other one is the greatest person they have ever met. The problem is, they haven’t really MET each other yet. They are relating to their idealized version. When this cyclone of projection ends and the dust settles, the true person emerges. Then they can decide if they are right for each other.

3. Fairy Tales

Counterfeit love feeds off of the stuff of fairy tales. The women in the story want Prince Charming. They will have riches, happiness, love, and all dreams come true. The man in the story, who feels like a frog and may even look like one, is kissed by the princess. He miraculously turns into a handsome, dashing Prince. When two people get together and fall into the chemical cocktail, they unconsciously can fall into this stylized story. Only when the chemicals wear off do they actually see each other. They may like each other, in which case, real love may develop. Or- the chemicals become toxic, the guy goes back to being a frog, and she looks for another prince.

4. The Future

When two people meet and fall into chemistry, they may begin to plan their future together within weeks. Their “real” selves are not talking to each other here – it’s their spiced, fried, scrambled brain that can’t be trusted to make clear decisions. What does REAL love look like? It is able to get past the chemistry phase and into real-time. Fake love involves conflict, drama, and pain, once the chemistry wears off. Real love evolves into service, thought, care, and sincere emotions for the other. Real love is shown in loving acts – over and over – with no one keeping score. Real love responds to the needs of the other, flowing effortlessly from one day to the next.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

We would love to hear your comments, just tell us what you think.  and  while you’re at it, check out these sites.  There are all kinds of solutions for Matters of the Heart.

go to:  http://scottlnkdesign.com    for your favorite love potion.

If you want to get paid  go to:  http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website

For a little passion:  http://designsintuition.com/passion ..this site will blow your mind. Until then, here’s bloggin at you kid!!!! Scotts Link!!

Do Happy Marriages/Relationships Exist?

adoreebookHave you ever wondered how the people in happy marriages do it? Like how do they manage to be loving to their spouse day in and day out, no matter how cranky they are? How is it that these happy couples can put the needs of their significant other before their own needs all the time? Are they selfless? Not to mention trust. Most of us don’t know what it is to be able to fully trust ourselves, let alone another person, but people in happy marriages will tell you that it’s one of the main elements of a good relationship, so how do they manage to balance all of it?

It Is Not a Juggling Act, But Sometimes It Can Feel Like It Is

There are some basic elements of relationships that will allow you to go to the next level, from dating, to engagement, to marriage. It’s pretty unlikely that you would have gotten into a committed relationship with the person you’re married to if you didn’t have some of the essential building blocks for happy marriages at the beginning, so chances are that somewhere along the lines, factors such as mortgage payments, jobs and kids got in the way of the way that the two of you interact, so you’re going to have to bring it back out.

What to Nurture

Yes, there is that word – nurture. You need to work to nurture certain aspects of your relationship so that the two of you can feel that you’re in a solid committed relationship where you really and truly matter to each other. In other words, even though you both know that life would go on without the other one, it wouldn’t be nearly as fabulous. Stop thinking only about what you as an individual can do and start thinking about what you as a couple can do and you might begin to see what makes happy marriages tick.

Remember when you were a kid and you used to want to hang out with your best friend all the time? You did everything together and your parents thought that they had adopted a child. How fun was that? Now, you married your best friend, right? Well, maybe not, but happy marriages all around the world will tell you that life can be like one big “camp out” with your best friend. Start looking for ways to laugh together. Talk about everything. Like what interests them and you individually and you as a couple. The key is to show an interest in what your spouse is interested in and they will reciprocate for you and that’s a friendship.

Don’t forget to make time for intimacy. If your partner sees you make time for them in a completely giving way, not a ‘taking’ way, they will feel loved, not used. This is very important in any happy relationship and you will find all happy marriages have the couple loving one another intimately and with ‘loving respect.’ Building trust and self esteem in each other, will also take you into the land of happier marriages faster than you could realize. When your partner sees that you accept everything about them, they will drop the guarded, fearful behavior and let the real them shine. Remember that happy relationships have their own rhythm and take their own time. Yes, happy marriages do exist. So, from now on, focus on you and your relationship and work on getting yourselves to a state of happiness in your marriage everyday.

To Be or Not To Be – Is Love The Answer

111365Is this really the question?  I’ve taken care of you for 15 years and now you’re ready to leave.  I’m good enough to scrub your clothes but I’m not good enough to marry.  I gave you everything I had and now you’ve made a child with someone else.  To be or not to be, that is the question. 

Introducing James and Monica

James and Monica met at the University.  Monica was very shy but James was very outspoken.  Very popular with the ladies.  Everyone adored him so he had plenty of friends.  Monica still reflects back on the day that James asked her out on a date.  She immediately said yes and from that day one they were inseparable.  Monica found as time went on she was doing everything to please James to keep him happy.  From dusk to dawn she waited on him hand and foot.  He never had to worry about a thing.  She loved him so much.  He meant the world to her.  Then one day after a hard day at work, Monica decided that she wanted to do something really special for James.  Since it was their 15th anniversary, she decided to take him out on the town.  She had it all planned, she would be waiting for him when he walked through the door with his favorite bottle of wine.  She would whisk him off to their favorite restaurant where they would have dinner by candlelight.  And then, they would come home and set the mood for some all-night passionate love making.  It doesn’t get any better than this.  She could hardly wait to surprise him.  James had left unusually early for work today without even mentioning their anniversary.  This was ok though because Monica knew he had a lot on his mine. His job was so demanding of him and she was so understanding in this area.  This was one of the qualities that James loved about her was her ability to be so understanding and never pressuring him when he had to spend extra hours away.  She was so thankful for their beautiful 2 story home with the 3 Cadillac’s and Mercedes Benz.  She had everything a woman could want and even more.  No worries there.  As Monica arrived home it was a little after six and she knew that she had at least another hour before James would be walking through the door.  Every minuet that passed made her more and more excited.  Just the wait alone would drive her mad.  At the front of the door she turns her key and starts to walk in.  A cold rush comes across her body, nothing like she’s ever felt before.  Something’s wrong she says to herself and she hurriedly flips on the lights.  Oh my God, we’ve been robbed.  Robbed, she gasped, what robber would take the time to remove all of the furniture and then it suddenly hit her.  We haven’t been robbed, James has left me.  Somehow he’s come home during the day and removed everything from our home.  Looking across the room where the dinner table used to be, there’s a letter.   As I picked it up to read it said:  Dear Monica, I’m sorry things have to end this way and I know you’re probably thinking that this is a shitty way to leave but the truth is, I don’t love you anymore.  To be or not to be, that is the question, I had to ask myself after living in a miserable life for 15 years.  I had to find the courage to go.  There is someone in my life that I love very much and we have a baby on the way.  It’s a boy and it’s due any day now.  So I’m sorry, I’ll leave you some money in the bank.  This will help out until you get on your feet.  Please don’t try to contact me, this is the best way.  Monica is in shock.  She is so devastated, she can hardly move.  Her whole life flashed before her eyes.  And then there was a loud pop!!!……

The newspaper read the following day.  Wife comes home to an empty house to take her own life.  To
Be or Not to Be, that is the Question.  And that all I have to say about that.  We’d love to hear your comments on the story.  Tell us what you think.  Check out our blog at:  http://scottlnkdesign.com

And http://scottlnkdesign.com/EP-Website  also http://designsintuition.com

We love to hear your comments.  In the meantime.  Here’s Bloggin at you Kid.

Scotts Link!!

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Put Some Passion In It

111365Passion Pep Talk

Away we go…..When a relationship is new, lovemaking feels as natural and spontaneous as sunrise.  Sex just seems to happen.  In the morning, at midnight, between the main course and desert, just before going out for the evening, it can happen anytime of the day and it’s wonderful.  But what about after years of marriage, mortgages, and maternity leave, it can fall off the “Things I’m Dying to Do list and join the Things I Really Ought to Do list and join the Things I Really Ought to Do list – right under “start diet” and “flood-proof Kids’ rooms.” You know you’re always pouring with happiness when you do have a romantic romp with your partner, but finding the time, energy and even the desire can become elusive.  According to a new Australian study, 27% of wives and 54% of husbands say they would like to have more sex.  But 22% of married women in their 50s and 37.9% of married women in their 60s haven’t had sex during the past year.

Not surprisingly, it starts with what you think and what you say to each other.  Here are five fire-starting words to help boost your sexual mood.

Passion Pep Talk #1

Now?

I LIKE TO FOOL AROUND in the evening but my husband’s a morning man.  When we didn’t have kids or demanding jobs.  It was easier.  Is there any way to synchronize our sexual watches?

First make sure you understand the reasons you each prefer a different time of day.  Is it because he’s too exhausted and agitated after a day at work?  Are you distracted in the morning about getting the kids off to school? “After you’ve identified your concerns, it’s up to the other person to come up with a practical solution, “says Terri Orbuch, PhD, a psychologist and the author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great.  Maybe you can arrange for the kids to have a sleepover with Grandma once a week if she lives nearby.  Maybe your husband can work on putting his office politics obsession on ice for one night.  Try It.

Passion Pep Talk #2

More?

ALTHOUGH I REACH ORGASM most easily through oral sex, my husband seems to oblige me only grudgingly.  How can I get him to be more into it?

A recent Kinsey Institute study of middle-age couples found that one of the most important predictors of a man’s happiness in a relationship was his ability to make his partner climax.  So if you make it clear that this particular technique is your ticket to the top he’s likely to cooperate.

“Try saying, ‘I get really turned on when you do this, and I’d love you to do it more often,’ “says Andrea Syrtash, the author of Cheat on Your Husband (with Your Husband).  Also, don’t assume he’s begrudging you: maybe he’s a little insecure about his performance, Dr. Orbuch says.  Again, he’ll probably appreciate specific feedback, and few things are more of a turn-on for a man than watching a woman become turned on.  Finally suggest any changes that might make oral sex more appealing to him, like trimming your public hair or trying a new position that’s more comfortable for him.

Passion Pep Talk #3

Hello

WHEN WE’VE BEEN FIGHTING, I don’t feel like having sex, but he’s as hot to trot whether we’ve just had a nice dinner out in a restaurant or spent all evening arguing about our kitchen renovation.

Some stereotypes about men and women are true, and this is one of them.  “Men seek sex as a way to feel close, but women need to feel close in order to have sex, “Dr. Orbuch says. After an argument, women often get trapped in their heads, replaying the details of the dis-agreement and dwelling on the negative emotions.  In fact, according to a recent study in the Journal of Family Psychology, women actually derive relationship satisfaction if their partners know they’re upset, because women take it as a sign that their husbands are trying to empathizes with them and really do want to be attentive (even though it may be just perceived effort).

Passion Pep Talk #4

Wow!

SINCE I’VE GAINED WEIGHT, I feel self-conscious.  Plus.  I haven’t been working out as much as I should.  Short of a makeover, how can I recapture my confidence in bed?

It’s not how you look that matters.  It’s how you feel about how you look.  “Studies have shown that body image has nothing to do with actual appearance,” Dr. Herbenick says. “No matter how ‘lumpy’ you’re feeling, it’s the ability to manage your anxieties about your body that makes the difference.

Passion Pep Talk #5

Yes!

AFTER 13 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, I still very much love my husband.  But I don’t feel as much desire as I’d like to.

“Low libido is both a common and complex issue,” says Tieraona Low Dog, MD, of the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine and the author of Life is Your Best Medicine. “Hormones can wreak havoc in lots of ways.  Birth control pills are known for decreasing testosterone and therefore diminishing sex drive at any age-even well into your 40s-as do low thyroid function and the hormone swings that are hallmarks of perimenopause and full-blown menopause.” If these aren’t issues for you, then it’s probably those old standby passion derailers when there’s no particular problem: stress and worry.    There are natural aphrodisiacs that can help.  Dr. Low Dog recommends three in particular, starting with whatever, derived from wild asparagus.  “Its Sanskrit name means ‘she who possesses 100 husbands,’ and while its primary use is for hot flashes, it also aids libido and fertility,” Dr. Low Dog says.  Another example is maca, considered a passion plant in its native Peru.   Try It.  You’ll be saying yes in no time.  And that’s all I have to say about that.  What do you think?  We’d love to hear your comments.  Tell us what’s on your mind.  So keep Bloggin until the next time.  We are out…

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Secondhand Health Hazards

111417Just being in close proximity to these four unhealthy habits can make you sick. Here’s, what to watch out for-and how to protect yourself. By now, you know to avoid a roommate who smokes lest her carcinogenic cloud take you down. But you might not know how to avoid shacking up with a snorer. Here’s why you should think twice: Recent research shows that a slew of health problems and their side effects can be transferred from one person to another, according to the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity-meaning that friends’ or relatives’ medical issues, or their disregard for their own well-being, can rub off on you!

Below I’ve listed a few of the ways surprising unhealthy behaviors can spread:

Stress
If you have a coworker with a bad case of desk rage, you might unknowingly pick up and internalize – her tension, says Benjamin Karney, PhD, a professor of social psychology at UCLA. The same goes for a partner who off loads his stress. When that happens, says Karney, you may not have the emotional resources to help, and you could end up just irritating each other and increasing both of your stress levels.” Research shows that transmitted stress makes for less-satisfying relationships, but more important, it can lead to spikes in blood pressure and heart rate, says TraceyA. Revenson, Ph.D., a psychology professor” at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. Catching a case of chronic stress can put you at risk for insomnia, muscle tension, and eventually cardiac illness.

Snoring
Your body needs a full night’s rest to mend damaged cells, consolidate memories, and recharge the immune system, says James Wyatt, Ph.D., Director of the Sleep Disorders Service and Research Center of Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. And it’s hard to get that when your man is sawing more logs than a lumberjack. One-quarter people who a bed with a snorer lose 49 minutes of sleep per night, on average-and alarmingly, just one night’s sleep can have a detrimental effect, says Wyatt. The irritability, headaches, and impaired coordination could put you at risk for accidents (including ones that go beyond clumsy toe stubs, such as falling asleep at the wheel).

Weight Gain

You’ve heard of love chub, but chum chub might be much worse for you. While having an obese husband ups your own risk for obesity by 37 percent, having a hefty friend increases your chances of tipping the scale by 57 percent, according to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine. Basically, people tend to eat how and what their friends eat, says study coauthor James Fowlet, Ph.D., of the University of California at San Diego. “Our social networks help us develop our ideas about what body sizes and eating behaviors are appropriate,” he explains. Which doesn’t mean you should give your heavier friends the heave-ho. Not only are there important benefits to maintaining strong friendships (studies show supportive relationships can add years to your life), but you can also help each other get back on track. Try starting a healthy-weight buddy system by swapping recipe ideas and pairing up for workouts.

Depression

You’ve probably heard the commercial: Depression hurts. But now it’s known that the pain extends beyond the person wrestling with the condition. Being in a relationship with a depressed person can make you at least 25 percent more likely to also become depressed, says clinical psychologist Michael Yapko, Ph.D. author of Depression Is Contagious.

“Women tend to feel more responsible than men and think, if I were a better partner, he’d be happier,” says Yapko, and such self-criticism can lead to headaches, stress and anxiety. What’s more, depressed men may become irritable or try to cope by resorting to substance abuse or infidelity-all of which can wreak havoc on your own well-being, say Andrea K. Wittenborn, Ph.D., an assistant professor of human development at Virginia Tech.

Couples’ cognitive behavioral therapy, in which partners talk through their problematic behavior and learn skills to help reduce obsessions and compulsions, might be effective at treating both OCD and its secondhand health effects. If your partner refuses to get help, you still should be sure to seek out a support group or therapist for yourself, says Dr. Szymanski. The goal is to come up with coping strategies and ways to clearly show your man that it’s not him, but his disorder, that you’re fighting. And that’s all I have to say about that. So tell us, how you feel. What health hazards do you see in your relationship? We’d love to hear your comments.

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